Sunday, October 19, 2008

Part II

If you missed it, here is Part I.

I am telling my story because if I don't, Satan will prevail! That alone is where I find the courage. I am stubborn. Thank you God for my stubbornness in this situation.

He was my boyfriend. We had been dating for over a year by this time. As a 17 year old girl I was the one who thought, "It will never happen to me." I knew lots of other girls who were "doing it" and they never had any problems. Or so I told myself.

Isn't it funny how we believe what we see? Trust me when I tell you that what you see is not how it is. I did a great job at hiding it myself. There was no way anyone would know my secret....not even my very best friends.

I will never forget the day I found out that my life would never be the is crystal clear, as if it were only yesterday. I sat in his bathroom. I had stealthily snuck a pregnancy test off the shelf at the local grocery store. Test in hand, I collapsed on the floor, acknowledging the dreaded result. I sobbed. No one was home but the two of us and he was outside tending to the horses. I was all alone and that's how I wanted it....I was terrified.

After regaining composure somewhat, I called for him. I had him sit down in the easy chair in the living room. I handed him the test, trying my best to contain my emotions. He looked at me, "what does that mean?" I choked out the words, "I'm pregnant" before losing it. A full blown panic attack ensued. The weight of the world was on my shoulders.

He never got angry. I was taken aback by his calm demeanor. I was beginning to think that everything was going to be OK. And then came the words....."don't worry about it, we'll take care of it." That did not console me. In fact, I burned with anger inside. I knew what those words meant and until that moment that option had not crossed my mind. I had always dreamed of being a parent. While I was not expecting this experience at such an early age, I had already begun to accept that it was what it was.

As I lay there curled in the fetal position my mind raced. I thought of anything I could do to keep THAT from happening. His parents had lost his only sibling when she was only 3. I knew if I told them I was pregnant, they would never allow THAT to happen. Should I go behind his back? And then what would they think? What if they agreed with his decision?

Could I parent this child on my own? I knew he would never marry me. I would be ruining his opportunity to fulfill his lifelong dream if I did not concede. What would my parents say? What would they tell their friends? Did this mean I would have to work and my baby would have to go to daycare? Would anyone ever want to marry me? The questions were endless.

To be continued......

Part III


Luanne said...

I came across your blog via Lysa's link list. God will bless you through your obedience--and isn't it wonderful when we can see the how God redeems are past! God bless you--and nice to meet you!

Jenna and Mosin Haider said...

Wow. This sounds all too familiar, its kinda scary actually.

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