Saturday, January 31, 2009

Change

Well, nothing is officially different at this point but things just aren't the same. Being a working Mom of two is going to be a change. If you don't know me well, you might not know that I have a difficult time with change. It's true. I like routine; to know what lies ahead. The prospective is daunting!

Because I serve a good and mighty God who loves me, I know that everything will be OK! (unfortunately that doesn't make it easy)

I will most likely be returning to work on Wednesday. I am working the front desk at the Grapevine Pain Center. I think I am going to really enjoy my job and my co-workers seem like they are WONDERFUL; so I am excited about that!

I honestly don't think I can put into words what the past two weeks have been like for me emotionally. It has been a whirlwind of getting things in order and preparing my heart for letting my children go.

You might say that things have been overwhelming and stressful for this stay-at-home-mom. I have had to jump through all the hoops to get the paperwork and junk done for the position so that it would be ready ASAP and I can get started. I have had to find affordable childcare for both of the kiddos, which has been no small feat. After finding the childcare, I have had to gather all the things the kiddos will need and get through all the childcare paperwork, immunization records....blah blah blah.

I am only beginning to get a feel for this working Mom of two mess.

Life is about to be very different. I HATE to feel rushed and I am beginning to get a glimpse of the rush of the mornings.....trying to get myself and two kiddos ready for the day, to leave the house by 6:45....wowzer! This will be a DRASTIC change. Josh isn't home to help so I will have to be extremely organized and prepare well the night before to make it out on time!

This is going to a big change for Josh as well. He is accustomed to us being home any time he is. If he gets home early, we are there. If leaves later on Monday, we are there. He has really enjoyed being able to be home with the kids when he has spare time. We also would take the occasional spontaneous trip with him, but that will be no more. I think this will take some adjusting for all of us.

We found what we think is going to be an AWESOME solution to our childcare! This has most certainly been the stressful, overwhelming and emotional part of the whole adventure. Having been home with Samara for 2 1/2 years has caused me to feel as if I am abandoning her (more on that in a bit) and I wasn't willing to settle (plus I knew that God had a PERFECT solution). We are sending Samara to Preschool Enrichment (PSE) in North Richland Hills. The other options were either way out of our price range or just plain depressing. PSE is a preschool that is founded on Christian principles. They start the day with God, end the day with God and worship Him through song and study throughout the day! So exciting that they can intertwine God and solid education. This Preschool came highly recommended and we feel SUPER comfortable with it! (BTW, thank you so much to all who recommended somewhere or someone......I know we are all in this together as mothers and I couldn't do this without my AWESOME friends.....thank you sisters!)

Unfortunately they don't take children until they are walking! Welllll, that left Spence unattended to. I had to come up with an alternative because we really felt that God led us to PSE for Samara. There was an in-home care not 5 minutes from PSE that I looked into but the more I thought through the that, the less peace I felt. Because it would only be approximately 5 months before Spence could move to PSE, I felt lead to ask Dawn if she would keep Spence until then. God is so good. She had already been praying about it and I hadn't even asked her yet. She gave it some more thought and prayer and discussed it with Cole and agreed to watch him! Hallelujah!

I could not feel more comfortable with someone watching my little guy. Dawn and I have so many of the same parenting philosophies and everything just feels right. This may sound stupid to some of you but I was so worried about him not being rocked to sleep. From day 1 I have rocked him to sleep. It was a conscious decision I made. I love that time I have with my kiddos. Weening him from that in a matter of days was looking pretty impossible. Dawn will rock him to sleep! YIPEE! Seriously......that may sound petty to you but I know that taking that away from him and his mother all at the same time would have to hurt his heart, which in turn would have broken mine! She already loves the little guy to pieces and that means more than ANYTHING else! Thank you Dawn.....I know you are sacrificing alot but it makes my heart smile!

So, now it's just a matter of transitioning the kiddos to the their new environment and me to a new way of life.

I worry about so many things.......

Will Sam think that I don't love her and that's why I am sending her away?
Will Samara and I and Spencer and I still have a wonderful relationship?
Will the kids still become best buds even though they aren't around each other all day?
Will Spencer suffer emotionally because his mother isn't there for him at such an important time in his life?
Will the people at the preschool make Samara feel loved?
How will it make Sam feel when she gets in trouble there for things that I allowed her to do at home?
Will she feel like a bad kid if she is constantly being corrected because she isn't following their rules?
How will she adjust to eating, drinking, pottying, and sleeping completely different than she has done for the past 2 1/2 years?
When she throws a fit, will they understand that she is just hurting or will they be annoyed and just label her as a bad kid?
Will they see what a wonderful heart she has or will they just see her as another kid that won't follow the rules?
Will they enjoy and laugh at her little quirks....or will they just annoy them?
Will they see her gifts and pursue them or will she be just another kid that stands in line and learns the ABC's?
Will there be someone to cuddle with her if she just needs a little lovin'.......or is it going to be strictly about learning and following rules?
Will she get to play with her friends or just learn alongside them?

I honestly feel like her life is going to be turned upside down and I am the cause of the hurt and pain that it will accompany it! It breaks my heart. I can't even sit here and write this without tears streaming down my face!

I want her to LOVE it. I want her to want to go back everyday. I want her to be excited about learning and playing with her friends. I want her to be happy!

There are so many other questions. Are these unreasonable thoughts/questions? Am I just a freak? Am I one of those Moms?

This is very possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I honestly feel like this is what God wants for us and I know that His plan is perfect. I am pretty sure this is one of the only times, if not THE only time that I have had zero control over my emotions. When we went to visit the preschool for the second time, I couldn't seem to get it together......so unlike me. I do NOT like to cry in front of others so to not be able to get ahold of myself in front of STRANGERS what quite embarrassing. Thankfully the staff understands because they too are also mothers!

I realize this may all seem a bit dramatic to some of you but this is how I feel.

Please pray for the transition!

Friday, January 23, 2009

I Reagan take you Josh........

Just thought you all might enjoy a good laugh!

video

Yes, I realize the quality is HORRIBLE......I can already hear the disbelief from my children 20 years from now. It is still on VHS. I desperately need to have it transferred to a DVD. (This is a video of the TV screen......how do ya like that!)

I just dug the VHS player and kid movies back out. I figured that would be all this ancient TV would be good for after the HD thing in February.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Finally!

I feel like I have said "I'm sorry" about the lack of posts quite frequently lately! Well here it is again! Sorry ya'll!

The past couple of weeks have just been crazy, not to mention that I haven't had a computer. Going to Mom's to get on the internet leaves me just enough time to check my e-mail and work through my list. It's amazing how much I rely on the internet for information.

For those of you who have not been informed, I am returning to work! The economy stinks and with that comes pay cuts and changes in reimbursement. Therefore, we have been left with no choice but for me to head back into the workforce. Honestly, we have been thinking about this for some time now but I was convinced there was no way I would be able to find anything that would pay for childcare and have anything left over. God literally dropped something in my lap. I am going to be working at a doctor's office across from Baylor Grapevine. I have heard wonderful things from the staff there and I think I will really enjoy it.

The issue at this point is finding affordable, GOOD care for the kiddos. I have a couple of home care options but I am afraid that Sam will be bored. I would really like this to be a positive experience for her. If she is going to have to be taken out of her home I would at least like a little brain stimulation for the girl. I think she would thrive in a preschool setting but it has been very difficult finding a preschool that a) also takes infants or b) has a spot for them both......not to mention the affordable part. I am praying that God has something perfect he will open the door to this week.

So.....what's been up with us??????

For starters, last week Sam and I were sick.....had this mess that has been going around. I had a severe ear infection. I don't think I have had an ear infection since I was a wee one. It was not fun.

I was premature in my excitement about the end to diapers. I actually attribute this to her sickness. I think, being sick, she wasn't sleeping well, which woke her frequently and alerted her to her need to tee tee. After getting well, she just didn't seem to wake when she needed to go and so we are back to diapers at bed time.

There is another HUGELY exciting, momentous occasion to replace the other. The pacis are GONE! Seriously..... 2 1/2, it's about time. I have been DREADING the day that we took those things away! We have been putting it off because we knew the battle that would ensue. I should have known that she would take care of it herself. A few days ago she took a nap at Mom's. When she went to get her pacis, she brought one of them to me and told me it was broken. It looked like she had been chewing on it or something so I told her to throw it in the trash. She went to bed with only one paci for her nap. That night I put her to bed with just the one and told her that it was the only one left, that the other ones were in the trash. About 30 minutes after putting her to bed she came into my room telling me that her paci was broken. She brought it to me in 2 pieces. She had bitten the tip of it off. Clearly, that is a serious choking hazard so there was no chance she was going back to bed with another one. I told her to throw that one away and that was the last one so she had no more. That was it! The end of the pacis! WOO HOO!

My little man is scootin' all over the place! I can't believe he is 7 months old!!!!!! He is funny though......he still won't sit himself up. He can sit up by himself but he can't get there himself. Actually, he probably COULD, but he doesn't. Silly guy!

I am beginning to work out an issue with him as well. Since he was born I have rocked him to sleep. That is not an ideal situation for childcare so I am trying to wean him off the rocking. He is doing pretty good so far but we have a long way to go yet.

OH, and he has this AWFUL squeal! Are boys supposed to squeal? He sounds awfully girly when he does. Mom calls him sissy boy when he does it.....it really is terrible. It's his attitude scream.....when he is really peeved.

Oh, and if you were wondering, NO, he still isn't sleeping through the night. He wakes up and takes a bottle in the middle of the night. UGH! Sam slept like 10 hours at 6 weeks so this is pretty annoying. He is wearing 12 and 18 month clothes so maybe it's just because he's a big boy......though Mom says it's just habit. I tried to let him just cry himself back to sleep the other night. After 45 minutes I decided I couldn't stand it anymore. Really????? 45 minutes????? Who is that stubborn?????

Josh left Sunday morning for his annual National Sales Meeting in Connecticut. He has been super busy all week and we are really missing him. Wednesday night was their big awards banquet and my J-Dub kicked booty! I don't know if I have told you how hard Josh has worked since going into sales but this kid deserved something good, ya'll. He is incredible at his job and apparently others are noticing! God has really blessed him in this position. I truly feel that he is able to use the gifts God has blessed him with in this position and that really has made a HUGE impact on his success. I will let him give you more info on his blog when he gets home and has a chance to write. I don't know all the details yet myself so I am anxiously awaiting his arrival! He should be returning tomorrow afternoon! Can't wait! I sure do love that guy!

Well, I hope I have caught you up......I know I have probably missed a ton but I will try to keep you more up to date now that I have a computer with internet access back at home! (I will also try to get some pics up soon)

Monday, January 12, 2009

One Proud Mama

Seriously.....I don't deserve this goodness! Sam slept without a diaper last night!

The other day Mom and I were talking. I was telling her that I still couldn't buy the cheap diapers for Sam because they broke her out even though she only wore them to bed. So, she suggested I just tell Sam to go tee tee in the potty if she needed to go, rather than in her diaper. Of course I am thinking.....ya right!

Well, 2 days ago at nap time I told her that very thing and she said, "No Mommy, diaper on." I thought, OK, she's not ready, I'll just try again later, it was worth a try.

Yesterday morning she put herself down for a nap without me knowing. I went in there to check on her, saw her lying down and asked her if she wanted me to put a diaper on her. "No." (which usually means she doesn't really want to take a nap, she's just playing.) But she went to sleep and didn't tee tee in the bed!

Then, last night when we put her to bed we put a diaper on her but 5 minutes later she was screaming, "Tee tee potty" Daddy tried to tell her she had a diaper on but she wasn't having it. Daddy told her she could go, so she got up, took off her diaper and went on the potty. She went back to bed without a diaper on. I heard her get up once in the middle of the night and go! No wet bed this morning!

So, the conclusion is, she can do whatever she wants as long as it's her idea!

WOW! 28 months and NO MORE DIAPERS! God is good! (yes, I know Spencer won't be this easy!)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Donuts

Last night we had breakfast for dinner! I have been itching to try this idea for some time now. See those donuts????? They are homemade, cheap, good and SIMPLE (does it get any better?)! You know those super cheap store brand biscuits in the skinny tubes that are usually packaged 4 together? Just open up a can of those, use something round to punch out the center (I used the top to an Ozarka bottle) and fry. I just put a skillet on the stove, poured in some oil, heated it up and laid those puppies in there to fry! I did one side at a time so that I didn't have to use a ton of oil. Once they brown up just yank 'em outta there and lay them on something to soak up the grease. After you've got them all fried up, roll them around in cinnamon and sugar! THAT'S IT! YUMMY to my tummy!

(you see that pile of stuff on the counter over there? EVERY year I find stray bits of Christmas across the house after putting it all away. That is where everything has landed so that I can put it in the garage with the other stuff. Anyone else have this problem????)

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Saturday, January 10, 2009

80's glasses!

Not much to report from this week. I'm sure you all missed me.....I know I would have (he he)! We spent quite a bit of time at the park this week......just taking advantage of the pretty days and staying indoors on the those that aren't.

We missed Josh a ton this week......Sam had a difficult time adjusting!

I really wish I had something interesting to tell you but, I don't. Sam is funny.....what's new..... she just says some of the funniest things......I think it has a lot to do with the age!

Just had to share this picture.....thought it was pretty funny.....my little chiller!

So, I couldn't put up a post without SOMETHING worthy of checking out......I saved the best for last. (sorry for the cruddy quality.....I had to scan this one in) This is a picture of my roommate and I from New Years Eve '01(seriously.....was that REALLY 7 years ago????). The theme was 80's. I didn't want to go all out 80's but I felt like I had to have SOMETHING! My sister-in-law found these sunglasses that she wore when she was a teenager! Can you believe someone actually wore those for REAL! Karen, only you could pull that off! The picture makes me laugh every stinkin' time!


Sunday, January 4, 2009

Gone

Just thought I would let you all know that Josh is leaving with the computer very early in the morning. That means no posts until he gets home......probably Friday.

We had a fun weekend! Friday night we hung out with friends......we always enjoy that......even if it takes pulling teeth to make it happen : )

Saturday we took the kids on a train ride. I would like to say it was the Tarantula but my BIL got the times mixed up and we ended up on the Vintage Train in the Stockyards. This could have been enjoyable except that we chose a day when it was 80 degrees out and there was no A/C (hence the Vintage part)......there also were no open windows. Sam and Levi had a blast riding the choo choo. Poor Spence was miserable......he is SO hot natured......we had the poor kid stripped to his diaper and he was still sweating all over (it might have something to do with the rolls that cover him)! Thankfully it was only about an hour long so we scooted out of there at lightning speed!

Today we finally all got to go to church as a family! Tommy's sermon was wonderful!

I am excited to get back into a routine this week......I have let the washing go FAR too long now! I will be playing catch up all week on that.

Spencer is SOOOO much fun right now! He just cackles......it makes my heart melt! Sam is so funny with him......she will always try to make him laugh! Sam is just hilarious! I know I have said that before and I'm sure I will say it again but she is stinkin' funny! She can say whatever she wants now......she knows so much it just baffles me! A few of the latest funnies......

Sam: Daddy, come play in my room.

Daddy: No Sam, not right now.

Sam: (with finger pointed and shaking at him) Daddy, don't tell me no!

and

Sam: (pointing to the rings on my hand) Mommy, what this?

Mommy: Rings

Sam: (to Spencer, pointing to the rings) Spencer, this called rings.

Mommy: That's right Sam, good job.

Sam: No Mommy, I talk to Spence. Spencer, this called rings.

those probably aren't near as funny written but they were F-U-N-N-Y when they happened.

Also, a few things to pray about.......

My brother is leaving for bootcamp this week......he's got 3 kiddos......one only a few weeks old.

My SIL's brother got mugged on New Year's Eve and is in pretty bad shape (broken brow bone, both cheekbones, fractured neck, chipped teeth, etc).

We are trying to sell our truck.......Josh is renting now and it will free up some money for other bills.

There is a possible job opportunity for me......no details yet but it would be full time and the kids would have to go to daycare......this is a HUGE prayer request.

HUGE praise for some burdens lifted in some family relationships! PRAISE GOD......this was ONLY by his goodness!

Love ya'll!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Forgetting to enjoy!

Have you ever anticipated anything so much so that you forget to enjoy what is going on now?

Having Josh home has been wonderful in numerous ways. Honestly, I was quite nervous at the thought of him being home for 2 1/2 weeks straight. I am all about routines and schedules so I was worried I would not be able to enjoy myself because of the sheer randomness of our days.

It has turned out to be a nice break from my rigidness. For close to 2 weeks now we have just waltzed through our days without thinking about them or preparing for them much! Some days we would be lazy all day, stay in our jammies, and enjoy family time. Other days we seemed to go, go, go. We have finished some projects that I have been wanting to finish for some time now so I am happy as well as surprised that anything productive can be done when there aren't schedules and plans.

Anyway, back to my original question....... I am so dreading Josh going back to work that it is all I have been able to think about for the last 24 hours! Isn't that just stupid! Regardless, this time with him home has been priceless and we feel blessed that his work allowed him the time off!
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