A Not-So-Super SuperMom

I would like to make a public announcement: I am not SuperMom! For those who could be accused of calling me such, I would like to give you a little dose of reality. Let's take the past 24 hours as an example......oh & let's add the night before since it is so glamorous as well.

First off.....Sam has been completely potty trained for over a year now. In the past week she has started peeing on the floor.

Night before last: Bathed the kids.....I do all three at the same time. As we got out, Sawyer was screaming so I was trying to tend to him & get him dressed while the other two ran around the house naked. Sam screams, "I'm dooone," which means she needs me to wipe her behind. While I am doing so she says, "I pooped on the floor." To which I reply, "I really hope your kidding." "Nope, I did it in your room." So I go check & can't find anything. "Where Sami?" As Madi walks by licking her lips Sam says, "I can't find it Mommy!" GAG! So I went looking for the carpet cleaner & returned to my room to find Spencer standing there playing in poop. He too pooped on my floor. It's fair to say that I was frustrated.

Not long after I got all that cleaned up & got them dressed I heard Spencer screaming. I went looking for him & found him in my shower slipping & sliding, not able to stand up & get out. Both kids had apparently gotten in our shower & squeezed out all the bottles of lotion & shampoo. Another change of clothes & it is time for them to go to bed.

A funny side note......After I got them down I went into the kitchen to clean up & do some things before bed. I went off to bed & as I got to my room I found Spencer asleep in the playpen next to my bed, which I have set up for Sawyer's naps. After putting him back to bed I went to check on Sam. She had pulled her pillow & covers off her bed & into her closet & was asleep in there!

So happy to finally be spending some time with the Lord & going to sleep!

OK, fast forward to yesterday...... Sawyer woke up at 4:45 wanting to eat which is just late enough that Spencer will wake before Sawyer goes back to sleep. Spencer woke at 6:15 & Sam about 6:30. Nothing special on the agenda for the day.....just hanging out hoping to get some housework done. I noticed early on that Sawyer was starting to get cranky & wouldn't eat or sleep very well. I was having to hold him constantly but that wasn't enough, I also had to be STANDING.....he must have a tummy ache or something. Makes for a long frustrating day. Tuesday nights are the only nights I watch TV.....The Biggest Loser. I put the kids in my room to watch a movie & to get a little peace & watch my show.

I went to check on them periodically & the last time I went in I noticed Sam tossing wipes in the air. "What are you doing Samara?" "Oh, I just changed Bubby's diaper. He had on a poopy." I seriously thought she was kidding. We have been having trouble with her taking his diaper off because "he tee tee'd in it" so I was not happy with her. I really thought she was "pretending" but then I saw his naked booty. I still thought she was pretending about it being poopy until I went to pick up the diaper. WOW! Oh, I was so irritated. I sent her off to bed for the night. When I went back in a few short minutes to put a diaper on her she informed me that she had just peed on one of her toys. Can I please wave the white flag?????

I finally crashed around 10. Some time after that I vaguely remember Sam coming in asking if she could sleep in my room & me telling her to go to bed. About 12:45 I was awakened by Sawyer's cries.... I can't recall the last time he woke up in the middle of the night. As I went to get him I realized that Sam had crawled up into our bed & gone to sleep anyway. I couldn't get Sawyer to calm down & go back to sleep so I tried to feed him. While he was screaming he woke Spencer but by the time he came into our room I was already feeding Sawyer so I couldn't put Spence back to bed. I threw him up into our bed & he fell asleep. I got Sawyer fed, changed & back to sleep in the playpen next to the bed. That means all 3 kiddos in my room by 1 am. Lovely. Sawyer woke again about 5. He woke Samara in the process & she had no desire to go back to sleep. Spencer woke at 5:30. Another early morning & no relief from Sawyer's crankiness or Samara peeing on the floor. I woke up in a bad mood & it has just made the day a great challenge.

I try to rest in the Lord & find strength in Him to flourish as a Mother but sometimes I seem only to find enough strength to simply survive this overwhelming season.

I am not SuperMom!

Being a SuperMom is glamorous. A SuperMom does not get overwhelmed by the everyday circumstances of life. A SuperMom does not feel like her life is always a bit chaotic. A SuperMom does not get frustrated & lose her temper. A SuperMom has a tidy home. A SuperMom would not be selfish & would never gripe about the wonderful job God has provided for her husband. A SuperMom has her children under complete control. A SuperMom wouldn't put her kids in her bed to watch a movie to get a little peace & to watch TV. A SuperMom would run all her errands with all 3 kids. A SuperMom can give all her children all the attention they need. A SuperMom does more than just survive. A SuperMom would never want to give up!

I AM NOT SUPERMOM!

Change

Well, nothing is officially different at this point but things just aren't the same. Being a working Mom of two is going to be a change. If you don't know me well, you might not know that I have a difficult time with change. It's true. I like routine; to know what lies ahead. The prospective is daunting!

Because I serve a good and mighty God who loves me, I know that everything will be OK! (unfortunately that doesn't make it easy)

I will most likely be returning to work on Wednesday. I am working the front desk at the Grapevine Pain Center. I think I am going to really enjoy my job and my co-workers seem like they are WONDERFUL; so I am excited about that!

I honestly don't think I can put into words what the past two weeks have been like for me emotionally. It has been a whirlwind of getting things in order and preparing my heart for letting my children go.

You might say that things have been overwhelming and stressful for this stay-at-home-mom. I have had to jump through all the hoops to get the paperwork and junk done for the position so that it would be ready ASAP and I can get started. I have had to find affordable childcare for both of the kiddos, which has been no small feat. After finding the childcare, I have had to gather all the things the kiddos will need and get through all the childcare paperwork, immunization records....blah blah blah.

I am only beginning to get a feel for this working Mom of two mess.

Life is about to be very different. I HATE to feel rushed and I am beginning to get a glimpse of the rush of the mornings.....trying to get myself and two kiddos ready for the day, to leave the house by 6:45....wowzer! This will be a DRASTIC change. Josh isn't home to help so I will have to be extremely organized and prepare well the night before to make it out on time!

This is going to a big change for Josh as well. He is accustomed to us being home any time he is. If he gets home early, we are there. If leaves later on Monday, we are there. He has really enjoyed being able to be home with the kids when he has spare time. We also would take the occasional spontaneous trip with him, but that will be no more. I think this will take some adjusting for all of us.

We found what we think is going to be an AWESOME solution to our childcare! This has most certainly been the stressful, overwhelming and emotional part of the whole adventure. Having been home with Samara for 2 1/2 years has caused me to feel as if I am abandoning her (more on that in a bit) and I wasn't willing to settle (plus I knew that God had a PERFECT solution). We are sending Samara to Preschool Enrichment (PSE) in North Richland Hills. The other options were either way out of our price range or just plain depressing. PSE is a preschool that is founded on Christian principles. They start the day with God, end the day with God and worship Him through song and study throughout the day! So exciting that they can intertwine God and solid education. This Preschool came highly recommended and we feel SUPER comfortable with it! (BTW, thank you so much to all who recommended somewhere or someone......I know we are all in this together as mothers and I couldn't do this without my AWESOME friends.....thank you sisters!)

Unfortunately they don't take children until they are walking! Welllll, that left Spence unattended to. I had to come up with an alternative because we really felt that God led us to PSE for Samara. There was an in-home care not 5 minutes from PSE that I looked into but the more I thought through the that, the less peace I felt. Because it would only be approximately 5 months before Spence could move to PSE, I felt lead to ask Dawn if she would keep Spence until then. God is so good. She had already been praying about it and I hadn't even asked her yet. She gave it some more thought and prayer and discussed it with Cole and agreed to watch him! Hallelujah!

I could not feel more comfortable with someone watching my little guy. Dawn and I have so many of the same parenting philosophies and everything just feels right. This may sound stupid to some of you but I was so worried about him not being rocked to sleep. From day 1 I have rocked him to sleep. It was a conscious decision I made. I love that time I have with my kiddos. Weening him from that in a matter of days was looking pretty impossible. Dawn will rock him to sleep! YIPEE! Seriously......that may sound petty to you but I know that taking that away from him and his mother all at the same time would have to hurt his heart, which in turn would have broken mine! She already loves the little guy to pieces and that means more than ANYTHING else! Thank you Dawn.....I know you are sacrificing alot but it makes my heart smile!

So, now it's just a matter of transitioning the kiddos to the their new environment and me to a new way of life.

I worry about so many things.......

Will Sam think that I don't love her and that's why I am sending her away?
Will Samara and I and Spencer and I still have a wonderful relationship?
Will the kids still become best buds even though they aren't around each other all day?
Will Spencer suffer emotionally because his mother isn't there for him at such an important time in his life?
Will the people at the preschool make Samara feel loved?
How will it make Sam feel when she gets in trouble there for things that I allowed her to do at home?
Will she feel like a bad kid if she is constantly being corrected because she isn't following their rules?
How will she adjust to eating, drinking, pottying, and sleeping completely different than she has done for the past 2 1/2 years?
When she throws a fit, will they understand that she is just hurting or will they be annoyed and just label her as a bad kid?
Will they see what a wonderful heart she has or will they just see her as another kid that won't follow the rules?
Will they enjoy and laugh at her little quirks....or will they just annoy them?
Will they see her gifts and pursue them or will she be just another kid that stands in line and learns the ABC's?
Will there be someone to cuddle with her if she just needs a little lovin'.......or is it going to be strictly about learning and following rules?
Will she get to play with her friends or just learn alongside them?

I honestly feel like her life is going to be turned upside down and I am the cause of the hurt and pain that it will accompany it! It breaks my heart. I can't even sit here and write this without tears streaming down my face!

I want her to LOVE it. I want her to want to go back everyday. I want her to be excited about learning and playing with her friends. I want her to be happy!

There are so many other questions. Are these unreasonable thoughts/questions? Am I just a freak? Am I one of those Moms?

This is very possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I honestly feel like this is what God wants for us and I know that His plan is perfect. I am pretty sure this is one of the only times, if not THE only time that I have had zero control over my emotions. When we went to visit the preschool for the second time, I couldn't seem to get it together......so unlike me. I do NOT like to cry in front of others so to not be able to get ahold of myself in front of STRANGERS what quite embarrassing. Thankfully the staff understands because they too are also mothers!

I realize this may all seem a bit dramatic to some of you but this is how I feel.

Please pray for the transition!

Finally!

I feel like I have said "I'm sorry" about the lack of posts quite frequently lately! Well here it is again! Sorry ya'll!

The past couple of weeks have just been crazy, not to mention that I haven't had a computer. Going to Mom's to get on the internet leaves me just enough time to check my e-mail and work through my list. It's amazing how much I rely on the internet for information.

For those of you who have not been informed, I am returning to work! The economy stinks and with that comes pay cuts and changes in reimbursement. Therefore, we have been left with no choice but for me to head back into the workforce. Honestly, we have been thinking about this for some time now but I was convinced there was no way I would be able to find anything that would pay for childcare and have anything left over. God literally dropped something in my lap. I am going to be working at a doctor's office across from Baylor Grapevine. I have heard wonderful things from the staff there and I think I will really enjoy it.

The issue at this point is finding affordable, GOOD care for the kiddos. I have a couple of home care options but I am afraid that Sam will be bored. I would really like this to be a positive experience for her. If she is going to have to be taken out of her home I would at least like a little brain stimulation for the girl. I think she would thrive in a preschool setting but it has been very difficult finding a preschool that a) also takes infants or b) has a spot for them both......not to mention the affordable part. I am praying that God has something perfect he will open the door to this week.

So.....what's been up with us??????

For starters, last week Sam and I were sick.....had this mess that has been going around. I had a severe ear infection. I don't think I have had an ear infection since I was a wee one. It was not fun.

I was premature in my excitement about the end to diapers. I actually attribute this to her sickness. I think, being sick, she wasn't sleeping well, which woke her frequently and alerted her to her need to tee tee. After getting well, she just didn't seem to wake when she needed to go and so we are back to diapers at bed time.

There is another HUGELY exciting, momentous occasion to replace the other. The pacis are GONE! Seriously..... 2 1/2, it's about time. I have been DREADING the day that we took those things away! We have been putting it off because we knew the battle that would ensue. I should have known that she would take care of it herself. A few days ago she took a nap at Mom's. When she went to get her pacis, she brought one of them to me and told me it was broken. It looked like she had been chewing on it or something so I told her to throw it in the trash. She went to bed with only one paci for her nap. That night I put her to bed with just the one and told her that it was the only one left, that the other ones were in the trash. About 30 minutes after putting her to bed she came into my room telling me that her paci was broken. She brought it to me in 2 pieces. She had bitten the tip of it off. Clearly, that is a serious choking hazard so there was no chance she was going back to bed with another one. I told her to throw that one away and that was the last one so she had no more. That was it! The end of the pacis! WOO HOO!

My little man is scootin' all over the place! I can't believe he is 7 months old!!!!!! He is funny though......he still won't sit himself up. He can sit up by himself but he can't get there himself. Actually, he probably COULD, but he doesn't. Silly guy!

I am beginning to work out an issue with him as well. Since he was born I have rocked him to sleep. That is not an ideal situation for childcare so I am trying to wean him off the rocking. He is doing pretty good so far but we have a long way to go yet.

OH, and he has this AWFUL squeal! Are boys supposed to squeal? He sounds awfully girly when he does. Mom calls him sissy boy when he does it.....it really is terrible. It's his attitude scream.....when he is really peeved.

Oh, and if you were wondering, NO, he still isn't sleeping through the night. He wakes up and takes a bottle in the middle of the night. UGH! Sam slept like 10 hours at 6 weeks so this is pretty annoying. He is wearing 12 and 18 month clothes so maybe it's just because he's a big boy......though Mom says it's just habit. I tried to let him just cry himself back to sleep the other night. After 45 minutes I decided I couldn't stand it anymore. Really????? 45 minutes????? Who is that stubborn?????

Josh left Sunday morning for his annual National Sales Meeting in Connecticut. He has been super busy all week and we are really missing him. Wednesday night was their big awards banquet and my J-Dub kicked booty! I don't know if I have told you how hard Josh has worked since going into sales but this kid deserved something good, ya'll. He is incredible at his job and apparently others are noticing! God has really blessed him in this position. I truly feel that he is able to use the gifts God has blessed him with in this position and that really has made a HUGE impact on his success. I will let him give you more info on his blog when he gets home and has a chance to write. I don't know all the details yet myself so I am anxiously awaiting his arrival! He should be returning tomorrow afternoon! Can't wait! I sure do love that guy!

Well, I hope I have caught you up......I know I have probably missed a ton but I will try to keep you more up to date now that I have a computer with internet access back at home! (I will also try to get some pics up soon)

The Law of Datelessness

Are you aware that dates are completely irrelevant to a stay-at-home Mom? It is the strangest phenomenon.

I can look at a calendar and yet all I see is....Doc appt next Tues., Date night 3 Fridays from now, _______'s B-Day next Thursday!

You can rest assured that if I have not added your event to my calendar, it will be forgotten. And that even applies to dates that I know that I know that I know(those are the WORST) because I actually have no idea of today's date.

And God forbid (really) that I don't peek at my calendar, you can bet that I will miss something. It has, it seems, become part of my brain.

I am certain I have forgotten more events in my 18 or so months as a SAHM than in all of my life. I know I have received the judgement of, "she stays at home.....it's not like she is too busy to call, be here, shoot an e-mail, etc." and yet, it is not about that at all.

I am trying something new. An online calendar that will text message me events a week, day, hour ahead of time! Too bad I actually have to remember to add the events to the calendar.

Before staying home full time you could not have convinced me that it would be this way. I would have said it was all excuses.......that you would remember the things that are important to you. Oh, I remember the date, but dates are irrelevant.......tell me a day and I will be golden!