The Reward

So, we have implemented something new in the Martin household. It's the reward jar......it's equivalent to a reward chart w/ stickers.......I guess I am just more artsy fartsy than I am teacherish and so I had to do something different!

It works like this: I got a small glass jar and a bunch of pretty glass stones. When Sam does something good, she gets a stone. When the jar gets full, she gets a big prize (as opposed to a bunch of little junky stuff each time she does something good) She gets stones for a variety of things but I wanted it to promote independence, character and initiative for doing things.

At what point do you quit telling your child to say "thank you", "share with your brother" or "pick up your toys"? It isn't as if they don't know they need to do these things, they are just hoping to get away with NOT doing them. I was hoping for some positive reinforcement for positive behaviours. So far it has worked beautifully......BUT I must say that Sami is a natural people pleaser so this is right up her alley......don't know that this would work for all the little guys.

So back to what she gets stones for.......here is a small list of things she has actually gotten stones for......

putting away her toys w/o me asking
sharing with her brother w/o me asking
taking a nap w/o a fight
putting the silverware away
putting her laundry away
being a good girl at the store
watching/entertaining her brother while I need to do something
small but important stuff that makes my heart smile because she is such a great kid (character issues)

Sooooo, all this to tell you that she got her jar filled up and received her first reward today. She LOVED it. Her cousins are in town and my Mom was taking them to NRH2O, so we decided that would be a perfect prize. She is hesitant of water but she really warmed up and ended up doing really great and having a fantastic time. She went down slides, played on all the cool kid stuff and swam in the wave pool. It was a wonderful day!

Here are a few pictures.......

Sam & her cousin Parker

Sam & I going down the slide (we are on the left)

Daddy & Spencer

Sam hasn't been to NRH2O since she was less than a year old so she doesn't even remember it. I'm sure we will be going back. Spencer did pretty good. He just got REALLY tired and was fuss talking when we left.......I think his ears are still bothering him.

OH, and that brings up a good question........how do you reward one child w/o rewarding the other? or do you just let them both enjoy it? this isn't so much an issue now but it will be as Spencer gets to the age to do his own reward jar(and I could be wrong in my predictions but I have a feeling that his is going to fill up MUCH slower than hers).

Well, the fam is still zonked from the trip.......hoping they will wake soon.....getting close to bedtime.

Change

Well, nothing is officially different at this point but things just aren't the same. Being a working Mom of two is going to be a change. If you don't know me well, you might not know that I have a difficult time with change. It's true. I like routine; to know what lies ahead. The prospective is daunting!

Because I serve a good and mighty God who loves me, I know that everything will be OK! (unfortunately that doesn't make it easy)

I will most likely be returning to work on Wednesday. I am working the front desk at the Grapevine Pain Center. I think I am going to really enjoy my job and my co-workers seem like they are WONDERFUL; so I am excited about that!

I honestly don't think I can put into words what the past two weeks have been like for me emotionally. It has been a whirlwind of getting things in order and preparing my heart for letting my children go.

You might say that things have been overwhelming and stressful for this stay-at-home-mom. I have had to jump through all the hoops to get the paperwork and junk done for the position so that it would be ready ASAP and I can get started. I have had to find affordable childcare for both of the kiddos, which has been no small feat. After finding the childcare, I have had to gather all the things the kiddos will need and get through all the childcare paperwork, immunization records....blah blah blah.

I am only beginning to get a feel for this working Mom of two mess.

Life is about to be very different. I HATE to feel rushed and I am beginning to get a glimpse of the rush of the mornings.....trying to get myself and two kiddos ready for the day, to leave the house by 6:45....wowzer! This will be a DRASTIC change. Josh isn't home to help so I will have to be extremely organized and prepare well the night before to make it out on time!

This is going to a big change for Josh as well. He is accustomed to us being home any time he is. If he gets home early, we are there. If leaves later on Monday, we are there. He has really enjoyed being able to be home with the kids when he has spare time. We also would take the occasional spontaneous trip with him, but that will be no more. I think this will take some adjusting for all of us.

We found what we think is going to be an AWESOME solution to our childcare! This has most certainly been the stressful, overwhelming and emotional part of the whole adventure. Having been home with Samara for 2 1/2 years has caused me to feel as if I am abandoning her (more on that in a bit) and I wasn't willing to settle (plus I knew that God had a PERFECT solution). We are sending Samara to Preschool Enrichment (PSE) in North Richland Hills. The other options were either way out of our price range or just plain depressing. PSE is a preschool that is founded on Christian principles. They start the day with God, end the day with God and worship Him through song and study throughout the day! So exciting that they can intertwine God and solid education. This Preschool came highly recommended and we feel SUPER comfortable with it! (BTW, thank you so much to all who recommended somewhere or someone......I know we are all in this together as mothers and I couldn't do this without my AWESOME friends.....thank you sisters!)

Unfortunately they don't take children until they are walking! Welllll, that left Spence unattended to. I had to come up with an alternative because we really felt that God led us to PSE for Samara. There was an in-home care not 5 minutes from PSE that I looked into but the more I thought through the that, the less peace I felt. Because it would only be approximately 5 months before Spence could move to PSE, I felt lead to ask Dawn if she would keep Spence until then. God is so good. She had already been praying about it and I hadn't even asked her yet. She gave it some more thought and prayer and discussed it with Cole and agreed to watch him! Hallelujah!

I could not feel more comfortable with someone watching my little guy. Dawn and I have so many of the same parenting philosophies and everything just feels right. This may sound stupid to some of you but I was so worried about him not being rocked to sleep. From day 1 I have rocked him to sleep. It was a conscious decision I made. I love that time I have with my kiddos. Weening him from that in a matter of days was looking pretty impossible. Dawn will rock him to sleep! YIPEE! Seriously......that may sound petty to you but I know that taking that away from him and his mother all at the same time would have to hurt his heart, which in turn would have broken mine! She already loves the little guy to pieces and that means more than ANYTHING else! Thank you Dawn.....I know you are sacrificing alot but it makes my heart smile!

So, now it's just a matter of transitioning the kiddos to the their new environment and me to a new way of life.

I worry about so many things.......

Will Sam think that I don't love her and that's why I am sending her away?
Will Samara and I and Spencer and I still have a wonderful relationship?
Will the kids still become best buds even though they aren't around each other all day?
Will Spencer suffer emotionally because his mother isn't there for him at such an important time in his life?
Will the people at the preschool make Samara feel loved?
How will it make Sam feel when she gets in trouble there for things that I allowed her to do at home?
Will she feel like a bad kid if she is constantly being corrected because she isn't following their rules?
How will she adjust to eating, drinking, pottying, and sleeping completely different than she has done for the past 2 1/2 years?
When she throws a fit, will they understand that she is just hurting or will they be annoyed and just label her as a bad kid?
Will they see what a wonderful heart she has or will they just see her as another kid that won't follow the rules?
Will they enjoy and laugh at her little quirks....or will they just annoy them?
Will they see her gifts and pursue them or will she be just another kid that stands in line and learns the ABC's?
Will there be someone to cuddle with her if she just needs a little lovin'.......or is it going to be strictly about learning and following rules?
Will she get to play with her friends or just learn alongside them?

I honestly feel like her life is going to be turned upside down and I am the cause of the hurt and pain that it will accompany it! It breaks my heart. I can't even sit here and write this without tears streaming down my face!

I want her to LOVE it. I want her to want to go back everyday. I want her to be excited about learning and playing with her friends. I want her to be happy!

There are so many other questions. Are these unreasonable thoughts/questions? Am I just a freak? Am I one of those Moms?

This is very possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I honestly feel like this is what God wants for us and I know that His plan is perfect. I am pretty sure this is one of the only times, if not THE only time that I have had zero control over my emotions. When we went to visit the preschool for the second time, I couldn't seem to get it together......so unlike me. I do NOT like to cry in front of others so to not be able to get ahold of myself in front of STRANGERS what quite embarrassing. Thankfully the staff understands because they too are also mothers!

I realize this may all seem a bit dramatic to some of you but this is how I feel.

Please pray for the transition!

A good laugh

As I was searching for some simple verses to teach Samara I ran across this site. I am not one to dismiss teaching before reading and testing it against the Word. I typically find that most conservative teachings line up with what I believe so I don't let denominational titles get in my way.

There seem to be some really great biblical teachings on this site as well as some shady stuff. From what I can tell these are KJV only fundamental Baptists and they believe in things like men keeping their hair short, women wearing skirts, etc. There were a few things that caught my eye but this one I just couldn't keep to myself......

The baby should sleep all night. Early the child should be made to conform to the sleep requirements of Mom and Dad. When a child cries at night he is either hungry, dirty, stuck with a pin or sick. In every case there should be some relief available. If none of the foregoing is true, I would suggest a spanking and let the baby cry himself to sleep. If crying persists, you may want to move the child to another room out of earshot. It is essential that Mom and Dad get their proper rest.

I'm pretty sure I could read that a hundred times and get a giggle every time. It is just funny. Seriously.....does your Bible say that? I mean, I have no problem giving Sam a good smack on the hiney when she needs it, but really? an infant? The whole paragraph just seems so cruel and self serving.....and funny.......goofy funny......

this one is pretty comical too.....

The baby's crying might better be stopped with a spanking than by picking him up. If there are not tears, you can safely assume that it is self-will asserting itself. Grandparents tend to spoil babies by picking them up often. This should be discouraged.

those durn grandparents, what are we going to do with them?

Biblically Based Parenting

I have pretty much quit reading parenting books across the board. Many times they are filled with the same stuff and are rarely based solely on scripture. This one is different.

I'm on my 4th or 5th read of this book so I figured it was probably something someone else might be interested in as well..... I happened upon it while working at Mardel.

Sometimes I get so confused as to how to put all of the Bible into my parenting. This book has been a GREAT help. She uses Psalm 127:1 as a framework for her book.....starting it out with the building the foundation and ending with installing locks and an alarm system. She does this in 2-3 page chapters, each beginning with 3+ verses that she is walking you through. She usually gives a life example, What Parents Can Do section, and a prayer for you and your children. Each chapter is quick and informative......you could choose to read it through or hit by topic as you need it.

WARNING: This is not for the lukewarm Christian. The suggestions she makes many times make me think......WOW......I am going to have to work on that before I can teach my children to be that way! She is radical, straight from scripture!

As with any book, there are times when I don't completely agree with her but overall this book has been a FANTASTIC resource.

Very Possibly the Most Terrifying Moment of My Life!

Whew.....yesterday was rough. It was wonderful day with family but we noticed Samara seemed like she wasn't feeling well once we got to Mom's and she started playing (though she seemed fine in the morning). I thought.....surely not.....she's only been off her antibiotics (for an ear infection) for a couple of days.....she couldn't possibly be sick again. Silly assumption. When she started "acting" sick.....you know....the whine about everything, every little thing is a huge deal stuff, and I said something about it, Mom mentioned that she looked like she didn't feel good to her.

On the way out the door to head to Joey's for the Martin Thanksgiving I felt Samara and she was BURNING up. UGH! We got to Joey's and immediately took her temperature....101.7. (Sorry Karen.....I had NO idea) She wouldn't even get down to play with Levi. She just wanted one of us to hold her and moaned and groaned. Poor baby. We gave her some Motrin and she perked up. The Motrin was still working when we got home so we will see what she feels like when she gets up this morning.

And on to the story......

So, last night we got home about 9:00 which was WAY past Sam's bedtime and time for Spencer to eat. Josh got Samara all ready and I got Spencer's bottle ready. Josh tried to put Sam to sleep but she wanted to rock (that's her thing when she's tired) so Josh took her into the living room to rock her for a bit. After getting Spencer's bottle ready I headed back to our bedroom. I typically feed him on our bed. I sat him on the bed and put the bottle down beside him. He wasn't screaming for it yet so I thought, "I'm going to change clothes and take out my contacts (which were killing me)." I made sure he was up there good, pulled the pillow around to kind of guard him and headed to the bathroom to change.

As I was putting my night shirt on I heard this awful crack sound. I knew . I RAN.....I mean bolted around the corner to find Spencer on the floor next to my bed. I screamed bloody murder, I mean a blood curdling scream.....no tears, I just kept screaming as I scooped him up and started crying out to God. I ran toward the living room.....frantic and screaming. Of course, Josh met me halfway, bolting around the corner into the hallway....."what, what, what?"

"HE FELL OFF THE BED!"

I honestly hadn't even stopped long enough to assess the damage. I knew he wasn't bleeding but I didn't know anything else. Meeting up with Josh allowed me to slow down and take a look. I was so afraid of what I would find. He seemed fine and I was able to calm him down. I just sat there and rocked him and cried. I felt like we should take him to the emergency clinic or SOMETHING but Josh just kept saying, "he's fine Reagan, he's fine."

You need to understand that we have stained CONCRETE floors. When I heard the crack I just knew things were going to be bad. Once I had him calmed down and was able to go back to get his bottle I realized that it was the bottle that had made the spine tingling crack, not his head. After the heat of the moment and I went through the situation in my head again, I'm not sure he was even crying when I found him on the floor. I have this book pocket that slips in between my mattress and box spring. Yesterday morning I noticed it had fallen out and onto the floor. We were in a hurry to leave so I didn't bother putting it back. When I snatched Spencer up, he was lying on that.....a cushion, if you will. After replaying the situation, all I can do is praise God for his protection. That 12" spot was the ONLY area that had anything for him to fall on besides the hard floor.

I think I scared him more by my screaming than the actual fall. I freaked Josh and Samara out beyond belief as well. She kept crying and saying, "Mommy hurt, Bubba hurt," over and over. Needless to say that it took some work on Josh's part to get her calmed down and into bed.

I just cried.....and cried.....and cried. I was so ashamed at myself.......how stupid! All I can figure is that he was trying to get that bottle and it was rolling, so he was chasing it.....right off the bed.

While I realize he is fine, that was so incredibly terrifying! I freaked people. It scares me. It makes me nervous that I can't seem to do anything when my child is hurt. My Mom has told me before, "You've got to get it together Reagan. You have to be able to take care of your kids if they get hurt; you can't just freeze up." And look what I did!

It was a bad night.

What to do?

Well, I am currently sitting at home when I should be at church enjoying some fellowship and teaching. It isn't because we didn't get up, get ready, get out the door and arrive to church on time.

It is because, for the first time (OK, maybe second) ever, Samara was hysterical and inconsolable when we dropped her off at her Sunday School class. We weren't extremely surprised when it happened because she had been screaming most of the morning. I just thought it was because she is 2 and wasn't getting her way, but now I am not so sure.

There are no visible signs of sickness but let me just tell you that her attitude reeks of it. It makes me sad when I just don't know.

I hated to pull her out of class but we waited at least 15 minutes and she was still standing at the door screaming. How fair is that to the teachers and the other kiddos? Not to mention that she was miserable. Oh, this is such a dilemma for me? Why do I feel so guilty for snatching her up and loving on her?

Praying that the day gets better!

Keeping God in Smiles

As I drove away, child screaming in the rear of the car, I was struck by the connection. Is this not how God feels about His children?

Since becoming a parent I have constantly been amazed by the likeness of God’s love for us and our love for our children. This was certainly no accident on God’s part; knowing that most of His children would come to know the love in the heart of a parent; another opportunity to reveal himself all the more. No matter the amount of times I am reminded that God’s love for us far exceeds the love we have for our own children…..each time I am taken aback….delighted at the thought. The clarity in this connection is insurmountable.

As I strolled the aisles of Target, a battle began….a battle of wills. Sam was not getting her way and she was letting all know. Her shrieking, tears and all out drama were lost on no one. Choosing to spare the other shoppers, we made our way to the car where the battle spiraled out of control. Not even discipline could break this gal. Screams continued to flood the car for a good 20 minutes until she realized that her efforts were unsuccessful; falling on deaf ears(or so I made her believe).

It was during this screaming session that God whispered in my ear…..”this is you, my dear.” And so I began to associate my feelings for Sami to God’s feelings for me.

I realized that during all of this “fit throwing” I never once loved her any less…..in fact, that never even crossed my mind. However, I most assuredly was not enjoying her at the moment. Oh, how many times have I left God unable to enjoy his daughter?

And isn’t it the parent that cares for the child and guides and disciplines because they know best? Why is it that I am so arrogant to think that I know better than God? Why do we fight so hard for what we want when we know God is wiser? If I can take any hints from my daughter, it has something to do with a strong will.

I have to tell you that perspective has made all the difference once again. God will ALWAYS love me, no matter how foolish, arrogant and selfish I act. God may NOT always enjoy me! Off to work on keeping God in smiles!