How in the world did this all get started?

Monday- March 31- 26 Weeks 5 Days

I was experiencing severe pain in my lower abdomin which had been progressively getting worse for a few days. I suppose Josh had enough of my grunting and groaning and made me call the doc. I got word about 2pm that they wanted me to head up to the hospital to be monitored just to make sure the pain wasn't from preterm labor. I didn't even know where I was going because I hadn't had the "tour" at this hospital yet! Strangely I had just talked this over with Dawn on Sunday, who also delivered at HEB. She had given me a good idea of where it was, so I was able to figure it out.

Samara was asleep when I needed to scoot so I went up there alone while Josh waited for her to wake up. Coincidentally Mom was already at the hospital because of Papaw, so she met me down there. I got checked in and hooked up to the monitor.....which didn't seem to be showing anything. The doctor had ordered an FFN test, which detects a protein that is released in the beginning stages of labor, just to be safe. The test is really confusing so if you are interested you can check it out at http://www.fullterm.net/.

We were sure that they would monitor me until they got the test results back and then send me home. That never happened. Thankfully Josh came up with Sam and Mom took her home so we didn't have to worry about her. After what seemed like forever the nurse came in with a wheelchair and informed me that my FFN test had come back positive and that I was going to have to stay the night in the hospital so that I could see the paranatologist the following day.

Wow, what a blow. Honestly we were just confused. No one told us anything. We didn't know what it meant for us to have this test come back positive! I, of course was dying for more info and I think Josh was just in shock. Josh went home to get some necessities, which of course included my computer. Once he came back I was able to do a little research online for this test and what I found out was NOTHING! It seemed that only the negative test was conclusive. The positive test meant something different for each individual.....AAAHHH!!!!

And the waiting began.....which Josh, nor I do very well. It was a time of keeping ourselves busy and relying on the only thing reliable at that point.....the Lord.

Tuesday- April 1- 26 weeks 6 days

Lots of waiting and lots of calls letting people know what was going on.

The on-call doctor from my OB's office came in and talked with me. She was very informative and made me feel a little less lost, though her news was NOT what I wanted to hear. She was able to tell me that the paranatologist was going to be in charge of my "management plan". She said it would either be bed rest at home or bed rest in the hospital......not quite the choices I was expecting since I was up and running around like normal just yesterday.

I spent most of the day going back and forth between denial and figuring out what being on bed rest was really going to mean......mostly, who was going to take care of Samara and how her and I are going to deal with being apart after having spent the past 9 months with one another basically 24/7. The offers to watch her have been overwhelming and I am so grateful for each and every one. She is very comfortable at Mom's......has her own bed and lots of toys, so she is there right now and doing good.

The doctor was supposed to be here today. Didn't show. Josh was sooo disappointed, knowing he was going to have to leave out on business early tomorrow morning.

Wednesday- April 2- 27 weeks

5am- Josh woke up early and headed out. I couldn't go back to sleep......too anxious about what I was going to find out. Spent some time with the Lord awaiting the arrival of the doctor.

8am- The doc showed! The baby looked great.....my cervix was still long, which is what we wanted........but there was some funneling at the top of my cervix and he was able to see me having a contraction. Apparently those were not good things. Soooo, he said they would do the FFN test again either tomorrow or Friday and depending upon the results of that test he would be able to tell me what the future holds. He will be back in on Saturday and will do another sono. He said that if the FFN results came back negative that he would likely send me home as long as he could be certain that I would do NOTHING. If the test comes back positive I will be in the hospital for the duration of the pregnancy.

So here goes the waiting game all over again.....I suppose that is what I can expect until I have him......get used to it girl!!!!!

Visitors galore today! Thank you everyone for your love. I am so grateful for this amazing surrounding of love, support and prayers! I don't think I will have to worry too much about being lonely.....even with Josh gone.

Mom & Dad brought Sam up tonight. I miss her sooo much. She was mad at me and didn't really want to have anything to do with me. I understand.....this must be very difficult for her. I could easily have let it really hurt my feelings but I know that she must be so confused. I am just sad for her and sad because I miss her so much. I pray for her all the time but honestly I am not quite sure what to pray for......comfort, peace, all of that, yeah.....but mostly I suppose I just want her to know that I still love her just as much.....that I am not mad at her and that I didn't send her away. I want her little mind to understand.....to feel God's love like a covering. I am certain that God will provide whatever she needs. This will probably be a good lesson in independence for both of us.

While this is all very hard, the Lord was able to put this all in perspective when my dad sent me this link http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jordanflint which tells the story of the 3 year old daughter of one of my lifelong family friends who has leukemia. I cannot fathom seeing my baby go through all that Jordan has. Please pray for them.