Monday, April 28, 2008

My epiphany! & my trip to the hospital!

As Josh & I lay in bed, listening to Sam cry last night, God revealed something so strikingly simple, yet so profound to me. For some time, maybe my whole life in Christ, I have struggled with the question, "How could God let his only Son suffer like he did?" This question has only seemed to magnify since becoming a mother. It seems that watching Samara suffer so greatly would be impossible.

I have known since my "birth" that Christ died for me.....that this was real, because He chased me down. I did no go looking for God, He came looking for me. Because the Spirit came in and transformed my heart, my relationship with Christ did not start with head knowledge. As I came to know the Gospel more and more, my heart began to wonder how it was possible to love all of the world more than you love your own Son. I was asking the wrong question; looking at it the wrong way.

As I listened to Samara cry and Josh grow frustrated, I felt the need to remind him that we were letting her cry it out for "her own good." As I watch a friend of the family endure the treatment of leukemia for their precious 3 year old daughter, I think, the only way they could bear this pain is for "her own good." Countless other situations come to mind. Would it not be selfish of us as parents to sheild our children from this timeless statement? To never let them suffer for "their own good?"

This is significant because I finally realize that this was why God was able to endure the torment of his Son. It was for Christ's own good and the good of all of the people on earth for Him to suffer and die. It was the most selfless thing, not only for Christ, but also for the God who watched His Son suffer.

As I read back over what I have written, I realize that what is in my head is almost never what comes out. I pray that this makes any sense at all......I just felt that it was too cool not to share!

After all day Friday, all night that night and then waking up on Saturday morning with contractions and lots of pressure, I decided that I needed to do something. I called the doctor.....who actually called me back (only because she was on call) after never hearing back from the office on Friday. If only I had the results back from my test I could have been at peace, even with the symptoms I was experiencing. No such luck.....the doc wanted me to head up to the hospital to make sure nothing was going on.....better safe than sorry, especially at this point! After being monitored and having yet another FFN test run, I was sent home later that day. The FFN cam back negative and my contractions were deemed "irritation" so nothing that was of concern. There is no doubt that this week and then my trip to the hospital were a clue to me that I had simply been doing too much! My idea of bed rest was doing everything I had been doing except shopping and picking up Samara! Guess my body didn't like that definition and showed me just how wrong I was. Needless to say, I have been spending MUCH more time in bed : )

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