Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My Boy

Today was a frustrating day.....one of many, actually.  I am beginning to wonder if there is something more than just straight up two year old behavior going on.  It just doesn't seem right.  Maybe it is simply because I have so much else going on that this age seems more difficult......but I am really beginning to wonder.

Spencer sets the mood of each day in this house.

If he wakes up in a good mood the day is FANTASTIC in so many ways.  The kids all get along.....the day flows smoothly from one thing to the next.....I spend quite a bit of time just hanging out with the kids, having fun......I rarely have to send someone to time-out.....he goes to sleep without getting up a hundred times.....

He is seriously an angel.  He is thoughtful & loving.  He is obedient.  He likes to help & enjoys sharing. 

If he wakes up in a bad mood, I can just go ahead, buckle down & prepare for a frustrating & exhausting day.  The kids fight verbally as well as physically all day.......every time we try to do something I end up getting frustrated because Spencer is causing some kind of issue that ends up in total chaos, which in turn causes me to play with the others less because I know it will just be too much trouble to deal with Spencer, which in turn causes me to feel guilty over spending so little time with them that day.....he will be sent to (or drug to) time-out 8 billion times......he will get ANGRY & there are times that he literally frightens me......

I know this sounds ludicrous to put the mood of the whole house on the shoulders of a two year old but it is true.  I have tried every way I know to get around this but the facts remain.

And if you don't know me, I run a fairly tight ship as far as a schedule goes.....at least the basics like eating & sleeping.  I have considered that maybe it has to do with him not getting enough sleep but I have not noticed any correlation between his mood & a change in the schedule.

The days he is in a bad mood are just crazy.  He is so aggressive.....to the point it seems he can't control himself.....like even when you think he is trying to be loving, it can so quickly turn into something else.  He throws things, hits, pushes, screams......& these are not when he is mad......he is just doing it to do it.

He is so inconsiderate & disrespectful......to me & to the other kids.....& this isn't because he doesn't understand.....it's because he just doesn't care.  ie.  tonight he wanted me to get him some water but I was rocking Sydney to sleep.  I told him I would get it as soon as I laid her down & he totally flipped out because he wanted it right then (which he wouldn't always do....alot of the time he would be totally okay with that answer).  I went to lay Sydney down & he followed me in there, incessantly calling my name & asking for a drink.  He not only woke Sydney up but Sawyer also.  When I tried to tend to them, to get them back to sleep he just screamed & screamed because he wanted his water TRYING to irritate me by keeping them awake.  It seems as if he can't process a different answer than the one he wanted.  This is so different than a normal tantrum.....I wish I could explain it better.

He IGNORES me.  This one makes me crazy but if I try to talk to him or tell him something he just completely ignores me.  It is as if he doesn't even hear me.  He is SOOO good at this.....to the point that I think he actually tunes me out.   And again....this is unusual in the fact that it isn't always when he's into trouble.  It's like he is so focused on A that B can't exist until his focus is broken.

He picks.....he picks at Sam, he picks at Sawyer.  He does things with the express purpose of getting them riled up.

No matter what mood he is in, he is a cuddler & just plain sweet.  He likes for us to touch him, hold him, hold his hand, rub his arm.....even if he is sitting in our lap. He will randomly come to me with a big smile wanting a hug & kiss.....just because......even if he was in trouble & angry with me 5 minutes earlier.

He is incredibly sensitive & gets his feelings hurt very easily.  He takes most everything personal.  He is so emotional & will run off crying & hide if he feels hurt (& sometimes the things he gets upset about seem so insignificant).  He doesn't want you to console him.....he just has to take some time to be upset & then he just gets over it & is fine.

The difference in a good day vs a bad day....... Let's just use playdough....... If it's a good day the majority of the playdough stays on the table......he & Sam will sit there for a long time playing together, sharing & having fun.......when they are done the playdough is picked up & the tools put back in the box.  If it's a bad day there will be playdough everywhere.......I will have to come in to the kitchen a zillion times to supervise the chaos because someone is screaming over someone not sharing or Spencer is throwing playdough or......when it comes time to pick up, Spencer will run away & if I ask him to help pick up he just refuses & joyfully goes to time-out instead.  You get the picture.

I don't know......I'm just ready to be in control of my home again.  I don't feel like any amount of discipline does any good.  I don't feel like any amount of rewarding does any good.  I don't feel like any amount of consistency in scheduling does any good.  I have prayed & prayed for wisdom (& patience....which thankfully he has supplied in abundance).  I am at a loss......


Brenners said...

Oh my word. I could have written this post about my 2 year old Ethan. I always thought the "terrible twos" was a joke, because neither Cherith or Daryn went through such drastic, dramatic issues.

I too feel so guilty at not being able to spend time with the other kids, especially my second, very sensitive one. I spend my every waking moment "training" Ethan in some way. I turn my back to help someone else and he's off into trouble... such as climbing on top of the washing machine and opening all the cleaning bottles in the cabinet above, or climbing onto the kitchen counter to dump salt, or finding the Desitin (no matter where I hide it) and smear it on as many objects and walls in the house that he can.

Staying in bed... just hardly happens. The ignoring... just maddening.

Discipline does nothing. The only thing I have found that helps is a good, sunny day. If he can spend lots of time in the sunshine, he is a complete angel.

I am thinking that the winter blues really does have an effect on my children. The lack of sunshine and fresh air leaves Cherith feeling sour mooded. Daryn turns extremely meloncholoy to the point that I get worried. Ethan gets bored, moody, and into trouble.

Im hoping spring and therefore many hours outdoors will help redirect Ethan as he works through this stage, so that hopefully by the time next fall comes he'll be more "grown up".

Reagan said...

Thanks for sharing.....somehow makes me feel a little better that someone else is dealing with these same issues. When Spencer was about 18 months old he got on the kitchen table & pulled the chandelier out of the ceiling....leaving it dangling by the wires.....I knew then that I was going to have my hands full : ) Sounds like Ethan may get along quite well with my Spencer-man.

Thankfully we have had beautiful weather lately & it has certainly helped....unfortunately Texas gets SOOO hot in the summer that it's almost worse than winter as far as having to stay inside.

One day at a time....one day at a time.

Related Posts with Thumbnails