I feel like I am being pulled in about 50 different directions. I've got a house who is screaming, clean me, fix me, stage me to sell. I've got a group of 11th grade girls that I need to contact every week & prepare a lesson for. I've got all kinds of home business; bills to pay, budgets to keep, menus to plan, groceries to get, doctors to visit etc. & most importantly I've got a 4 year old who loves to play with her Mommy & most likely has a love language of quality (& quantity) time. I've got a 2 year old who loves to cuddle but, more than that, is at an age that requires a ton of supervision. I've got a 2 year old who is so in love with his parents & wants them to hold him ALL. THE. TIME. & finally I've got a 3 month old who relies on her Mommy for her every need, who isn't sleeping & is struggling with eating, who is crying all the time & can't seem to get comfortable. & on top of that I have to find ways to make being a wife a top priority. ALL of these things are blessings in and of themselves. I am SOOO blessed to have all of these things in my life.....BUT I am running thin.....I am getting stressed.....I am shutting down. When I get to this point I seem unable to get ANYTHING done. I wish there were something I could remove from my life that is just "good" but not "great" but pretty much all these things are the bare minimum. And this doesn't include any time spent away from the house with friends or family; playdates, Bible studies, birthday parties, etc.
When my Mom shows up to my house or my friend stops by & the pile of laundry that was being folded on the couch is still sitting there.....in a perpetual state of in & out.....I know they wonder what in the world I do, that I can't even get my laundry folded & from the couch to its home.
I am having a hard time figuring out how to balance housework & selling preparations with spending time with my kids. I have heard over & over from Mom's that no longer have children in the home say that their biggest regret is not spending enough time with their kids.....& then what do they say?????......the laundry will wait, the dishes will still be there, etc. BUT, BUT, BUT......how LONG can you say that? As of right now, I have a schedule that cleans my house every 2 weeks. Nothing is ever clean at the same time & each room only gets cleaned once every 2 weeks......HOW CAN I DO ANY LESS THAN THAT?????
I know that things will get less hectic as the kids get older......in this way (& yes, I know.....more hectic in other ways) but what about right now? I can't just blow off the molding & shaping of my children's character because it's too hard to figure out. I can't just put teaching them their ABC's & 123's on hold because I don't have enough time to fit it in. & most of all I can't forget that their self confidence is being formed by my ability to show them love & express who they are in Christ.
To be really honest, I have put WAY to much time into stupid games on my phone & "bargain" shopping on the internet lately......it is what I do when I get overwhelmed. If I can just step out of this world, into another, I can forget my stress. In reality, it is my drug. It is my idol.....what takes me away from throwing myself into God & letting Him take care of things.
I know everything will be OK. I know that we will all live.....make it to the next day......but I want so much more than that. I want my children to thrive, I want my house to be put together, I want my bills to be payed on time, my couch to be clear, to be able to keep my grocery bill down, to be the go-to girl for my high school girls, to spend so much time with my kids that they remember me playing with them more than anything else......you get the picture. I want more than to just survive. Scripture says that anyone who is lacking wisdom can ask & it will be given to him. I am praying for wisdom.
Step into my parlor
26 minutes ago