The Adventures of Baby Boy Martin

Falling In Love With Jesus

2011-04-08T23:38:00.003-05:00

God is truly amazing. He could not have orchestrated this evening any more perfectly! My little girl is falling in love with Jesus right before my eyes! : )

This was my Facebook status this evening. Several people have asked to hear the story behind the post.....

Josh was given two tickets to the Nationwide race at Texas Motor Speedway for tonight. He found out last night & when he called to tell me he was so sweet & offered for me to take Spencer because "I never get to get out of the house." As thoughtful as that was, & as much as I would have LOVED to take him, I just didn't feel right about it. Josh doesn't get to spend much time with the kids & NEVER any time with them alone. Plus, Josh loves NASCAR.....so it was really a no-brainer.

I had a wonderful night with the other three. They were all really good for me; the weather was great & we all just played together in the backyard until bedtime. I put Syd to bed, then Sawyer & finally Sam. Sam is never one to just get up in her bed, stay there & go to sleep. She likes to know what's going on & make sure that we are still there. I think she is going through a stage where she is a little fearful at bedtime. I certainly remember that time in my childhood.

Tonight I just happened to be walking through the hall when she got to her door & we met there. My norm would be to put her back to bed with some irritation.....but I just really felt the Lord pressing upon my heart to take some additional time to let her know how much I loved her. We don't get much uninterrupted alone time. This is where God orchestrated things so beautifully. Typically Spencer is also up running around needing some more water or for me to tuck him in again or SOMETHING. Tonight it was just her & I.

I knelt down, & told her how much I loved her & how precious she is & what things about her make her so special. I could tell that everything was going straight to her heart & she was soaking up the individual attention & specific praise she was getting. It made me a bit sad that I don't make it more of a priority to carve out more time alone with each child individually. (Although I do have to say that not all the time I spend alone with her is as precious as this time was.) It was obvious that the Spirit was really moving in both our hearts.

She started playing with my hair & just sharing her heart as I shared mine. Just sweet mother daughter conversation.

She finally sat down......I could tell that there was something stirring in her that she wanted to talk about, so I followed her lead & sat also.

We talked about how God is my Daddy & she talked about how everyone has 2 Daddy's.....one like Josh & God. We talked about how Mommy has to obey God just like she has to obey Daddy....& how if she does obey that her life will be better because Daddy knows what's best for her.

We talked about how everyone does bad things & because we do bad things that we can't go to heaven to be with God. But that God sent Jesus to die on the cross & rise again so that, if we believe that & ask him to come into our hearts that we will get to go to heaven & live with God forever.

We talked about how God is bigger than everyone & everything & how she can't wait to get to heaven & see God......but that she doesn't want to go to heaven right now.

We talked about how all the people that she loves that have Jesus in their hearts will be in heaven after they die & how we will all be together again.

I think you get the picture......we really talked about alot of stuff.

Then she wanted to know more about how Jesus comes into your heart. I explained to her about the Holy Spirit & how we can feel it when he talks to us & we went through the basics of the gospel again. She told me that she felt Jesus speaking to her & when I asked her what he was saying, she said that he wanted to come into her heart & wanted her to be in heaven with him one day.

I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to walk through the "prayer of salvation." She was so excited when we got done! She overwhelmed me with joy!

We talked about how important reading the Bible & memorizing scriptures is. We talked about how she can talk to Jesus when she is scared or hurt. Etc, etc.....

Whether or not she is truly saved, I honestly do not know. I can't know to what extent she truly understands that she is a sinner & that she needs Christ to save her. I can't know if the Holy Spirit is living inside her & convicting her heart.....right now.....though I do think that fruit will come, even at such an early age.

What I do know is that she is falling in love with Jesus. I know that she is extremely interested in spiritual things & that she can offer up an innocent blind faith that I am not capable of doing. Not sure anything could be more exciting than that.

I love that little girl! She is amazing & such a huge inspiration in my walk! I am so blessed to have a child with such an amazing heart.

My Boy

2011-03-15T21:47:00.001-05:00

Today was a frustrating day.....one of many, actually. I am beginning to wonder if there is something more than just straight up two year old behavior going on. It just doesn't seem right. Maybe it is simply because I have so much else going on that this age seems more difficult......but I am really beginning to wonder.

Spencer sets the mood of each day in this house.

If he wakes up in a good mood the day is FANTASTIC in so many ways. The kids all get along.....the day flows smoothly from one thing to the next.....I spend quite a bit of time just hanging out with the kids, having fun......I rarely have to send someone to time-out.....he goes to sleep without getting up a hundred times.....

He is seriously an angel. He is thoughtful & loving. He is obedient. He likes to help & enjoys sharing.

If he wakes up in a bad mood, I can just go ahead, buckle down & prepare for a frustrating & exhausting day. The kids fight verbally as well as physically all day.......every time we try to do something I end up getting frustrated because Spencer is causing some kind of issue that ends up in total chaos, which in turn causes me to play with the others less because I know it will just be too much trouble to deal with Spencer, which in turn causes me to feel guilty over spending so little time with them that day.....he will be sent to (or drug to) time-out 8 billion times......he will get ANGRY & there are times that he literally frightens me......

I know this sounds ludicrous to put the mood of the whole house on the shoulders of a two year old but it is true. I have tried every way I know to get around this but the facts remain.

And if you don't know me, I run a fairly tight ship as far as a schedule goes.....at least the basics like eating & sleeping. I have considered that maybe it has to do with him not getting enough sleep but I have not noticed any correlation between his mood & a change in the schedule.

The days he is in a bad mood are just crazy. He is so aggressive.....to the point it seems he can't control himself.....like even when you think he is trying to be loving, it can so quickly turn into something else. He throws things, hits, pushes, screams......& these are not when he is mad......he is just doing it to do it.

He is so inconsiderate & disrespectful......to me & to the other kids.....& this isn't because he doesn't understand.....it's because he just doesn't care. ie. tonight he wanted me to get him some water but I was rocking Sydney to sleep. I told him I would get it as soon as I laid her down & he totally flipped out because he wanted it right then (which he wouldn't always do....alot of the time he would be totally okay with that answer). I went to lay Sydney down & he followed me in there, incessantly calling my name & asking for a drink. He not only woke Sydney up but Sawyer also. When I tried to tend to them, to get them back to sleep he just screamed & screamed because he wanted his water TRYING to irritate me by keeping them awake. It seems as if he can't process a different answer than the one he wanted. This is so different than a normal tantrum.....I wish I could explain it better.

He IGNORES me. This one makes me crazy but if I try to talk to him or tell him something he just completely ignores me. It is as if he doesn't even hear me. He is SOOO good at this.....to the point that I think he actually tunes me out. And again....this is unusual in the fact that it isn't always when he's into trouble. It's like he is so focused on A that B can't exist until his focus is broken.

He picks.....he picks at Sam, he picks at Sawyer. He does things with the express purpose of getting them riled up.

No matter what mood he is in, he is a cuddler & just plain sweet. He likes for us to touch him, hold him, hold his hand, rub his arm.....even if he is sitting in our lap. He will randomly come to me with a big smile wanting a hug & kiss.....just because......even if he was in trouble & angry with me 5 minutes earlier.

He is incredibly sensitive & gets his feelings hurt very easily. He takes most everything personal. He is so emotional & will run off crying & hide if he feels hurt (& sometimes the things he gets upset about seem so insignificant). He doesn't want you to console him.....he just has to take some time to be upset & then he just gets over it & is fine.

The difference in a good day vs a bad day....... Let's just use playdough....... If it's a good day the majority of the playdough stays on the table......he & Sam will sit there for a long time playing together, sharing & having fun.......when they are done the playdough is picked up & the tools put back in the box. If it's a bad day there will be playdough everywhere.......I will have to come in to the kitchen a zillion times to supervise the chaos because someone is screaming over someone not sharing or Spencer is throwing playdough or......when it comes time to pick up, Spencer will run away & if I ask him to help pick up he just refuses & joyfully goes to time-out instead. You get the picture.

I don't know......I'm just ready to be in control of my home again. I don't feel like any amount of discipline does any good. I don't feel like any amount of rewarding does any good. I don't feel like any amount of consistency in scheduling does any good. I have prayed & prayed for wisdom (& patience....which thankfully he has supplied in abundance). I am at a loss......

"Busy At Home"- My Home Management Binder

2011-03-09T22:20:00.002-06:00

So, I promised a post about my Home Management Binder like 2 years ago but I never got around to it. While reading my OYOL blog, she asked anyone if they had ever used one & if they had blogged about it. This lit the fire again & so, here it is!

I must admit that I really love my binder. I made it purdy so that I might actually use it & it has really helped! I have gone from a 2" binder to a big fat 3" binder though. I store a bunch of stuff in it.....but it is doing the job of my brain while the real one is taking a hiatus. It really helps to have a central place to put stuff. I new it was a winner when my husband asked me where the referral the doctor had written him (6 months earlier) was & I walked right to my binder, turned to his pouch & pulled it out!!!! Before the binder it would have been lost in one of the 50 piles that magically appear around my house.

I used many different sources when coming up with the perfect binder for my household. I will list a few at the end of the post if you are interested in building your own.

Without further ado......the contents of my binder.

Zipper Pouch

Super Mom vs Abiding Mom

Family Divider-

Clear sleeve for each member of the family. Put things like birthday invitations, doctor's notes, a running list of their personality, likes/dislikes, etc. at different points in their lives. Basically anything I want to keep for that person. Much of the time I will move the things in those sleeves over into their personal file but that is a good temporary place to keep things.
A sleeve for business cards, phone lists, etc.
My master address list.
A running list of random phone numbers/addresses.
Our medications (Name, RX #, Dosage, What pharmacy & a pharmacy phone #)
A list of accounts
My wish list

Meals Divider-

30 Meals Plan master list
Menu plan blanks in a page protector
Fun ideas, random interesting food related articles
Coupon clipping information
Pantry Inventory (which is still blank.....I keep thinking that if it stays in there it will eventually get done)
Menu planning information

Schedules Divider- this section is completely out of date in my notebook. With so many kids being born in the past several years I just haven't gotten to a place where I have a consistent schedule to type up.

My Daily To Do Checklist
My Daily Schedule
Scheduling articles

Home Divider-

Paint chips with the name of the room
Plumbing, cable etc. receipts
Organizational tips & tricks, articles, etc.
Decorating stuff
Cleaner recipes
Stain removal guide

Calendar Divider- I could probably actually take this out now that I have a smart phone. I did use it before that time though. It just contained a monthly calendar that I printed from outlook.

Gardening Divider- This is one of those wishful thinking, for the future dividers. I would love to one day have a garden, so right now I am storing ideas, articles, tips, tricks, pictures, etc. Eventually, when I actually start the garden I plan to have my garden plan, my seed packets, my time journal, etc. included here.

To Do Divider-

Daily Docket
Weekly Goals
Master Cleaning List
Blog Topics List
Master Household Running To Do List
Any paperwork pertaining to something on my to do list

Kids & Training Divider-

Children's Bible study info
Character Qualities chart
Activities for kids
Developmental guidelines

Holidays & Gift Giving Divider-

Birthday planning pages
Christmas gift list
Holiday activities for kids
Advent list
Contents of gift closet

Crafts, Sewing, Etc. Divider-

Inspiration & ideas from magazines
Project list

Faith & Ministry Divider-

Prayer request list
Weekly prayer sheet
Handouts or sermon notes that don't really have another place
Ministry ideas
Mission newsletters

Budget Divider-

Blank copy of the budget worksheet
Current budget we are using

In the back are the 3 to a page photo sleeves where I will eventually (hehe) put all my 30 recipes & some blank notebook paper.

Resources:

I use so much of Simple Mom's stuff. I use many of her downloads & have printed many articles to put in my binder. She has a ton of great information on her site.

This is basically where I started & every idea I got branched off, in one way or another, from this post.

Also, you can take a look at my Busy At Home board on Pinterest for some additional resources.

I love my job. I don't love the stress.

2011-03-08T22:07:00.000-06:00

I feel like I am being pulled in about 50 different directions. I've got a house who is screaming, clean me, fix me, stage me to sell. I've got a group of 11th grade girls that I need to contact every week & prepare a lesson for. I've got all kinds of home business; bills to pay, budgets to keep, menus to plan, groceries to get, doctors to visit etc. & most importantly I've got a 4 year old who loves to play with her Mommy & most likely has a love language of quality (& quantity) time. I've got a 2 year old who loves to cuddle but, more than that, is at an age that requires a ton of supervision. I've got a 2 year old who is so in love with his parents & wants them to hold him ALL. THE. TIME. & finally I've got a 3 month old who relies on her Mommy for her every need, who isn't sleeping & is struggling with eating, who is crying all the time & can't seem to get comfortable. & on top of that I have to find ways to make being a wife a top priority. ALL of these things are blessings in and of themselves. I am SOOO blessed to have all of these things in my life.....BUT I am running thin.....I am getting stressed.....I am shutting down. When I get to this point I seem unable to get ANYTHING done. I wish there were something I could remove from my life that is just "good" but not "great" but pretty much all these things are the bare minimum. And this doesn't include any time spent away from the house with friends or family; playdates, Bible studies, birthday parties, etc.

When my Mom shows up to my house or my friend stops by & the pile of laundry that was being folded on the couch is still sitting there.....in a perpetual state of in & out.....I know they wonder what in the world I do, that I can't even get my laundry folded & from the couch to its home.

I am having a hard time figuring out how to balance housework & selling preparations with spending time with my kids. I have heard over & over from Mom's that no longer have children in the home say that their biggest regret is not spending enough time with their kids.....& then what do they say?????......the laundry will wait, the dishes will still be there, etc. BUT, BUT, BUT......how LONG can you say that? As of right now, I have a schedule that cleans my house every 2 weeks. Nothing is ever clean at the same time & each room only gets cleaned once every 2 weeks......HOW CAN I DO ANY LESS THAN THAT?????

I know that things will get less hectic as the kids get older......in this way (& yes, I know.....more hectic in other ways) but what about right now? I can't just blow off the molding & shaping of my children's character because it's too hard to figure out. I can't just put teaching them their ABC's & 123's on hold because I don't have enough time to fit it in. & most of all I can't forget that their self confidence is being formed by my ability to show them love & express who they are in Christ.

To be really honest, I have put WAY to much time into stupid games on my phone & "bargain" shopping on the internet lately......it is what I do when I get overwhelmed. If I can just step out of this world, into another, I can forget my stress. In reality, it is my drug. It is my idol.....what takes me away from throwing myself into God & letting Him take care of things.

I know everything will be OK. I know that we will all live.....make it to the next day......but I want so much more than that. I want my children to thrive, I want my house to be put together, I want my bills to be payed on time, my couch to be clear, to be able to keep my grocery bill down, to be the go-to girl for my high school girls, to spend so much time with my kids that they remember me playing with them more than anything else......you get the picture. I want more than to just survive. Scripture says that anyone who is lacking wisdom can ask & it will be given to him. I am praying for wisdom.

The BIG one!

2011-02-20T00:01:00.001-06:00

Seriously......I can't imagine another birthday being as depressing as this one. Ya ya ya.....it's just a number.......You're only as old as you act.....blah blah blah. None of that means squat when you are facing the big 3-0! I just can't believe it's here. It makes me feel all grown up. Like a real adult. You would think having 4 kids would have taken care of that but it just hasn't. Sometimes I wake up & think, "am I really in charge of all these kids? Like, to not just take care of them but teach them about Jesus, & life & character & all that other important stuff? I always remember people like that having it all together & being so mature." Just doesn't feel real sometimes.

And then reality hits me like a freight train when I look in the mirror & see that gravity has already left its pretty little imprint on my body. THIS my dear friends is not a happy realization. But, I then remind myself that beauty is fleeting & a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And I am able to rejoice once again!

I feel so blessed, at the age of 30, to have all that I do. To God be the glory!

I attended The Great Marriage Experience this weekend at my church. It was good......but even before I have had much time to process all that was taught, it was such a huge affirmation of where God has taken Josh & I over the past 7 years.

I think it would be safe to tell you that Josh & I had a very rocky first 5 years of marriage. There were several instances where I honestly didn't think the marriage was going to make it. Close family & my best friends could certainly testify to the fact that we did not have a "good" marriage.

Thankfully, the bad has turned to good as a supernatural transformation of our marriage has taken place. I was AMAZED when the speakers went through things that we should be doing to have a great, lasting marriage & we were already doing SOOO many of them. God has sooo blessed our marriage & I am just so grateful for a wonderful, teachable, loving husband who has humbled his heart before the Lord.

On my 30th birthday I will celebrate a wonderful marriage & an amazing husband. I will celebrate 4 incredible children who fill my life with joy. I will celebrate awesome parents who have been such a HUGE blessing in my life & to whom I am so grateful for the example of perseverance. I will celebrate a group of friends that I can share my heart with & do life with. And finally, and most importantly I will celebrate the fact that 10 years ago Christ came into my life & turned it upside down & inside out & that he now resides in my heart & is Lord over my life! Hallelujah!

I am truly truly blessed on this 30th birthday!

Happy Birthday to me!

Sydney Jane Martin

2011-01-14T22:15:00.002-06:00

Sydney Jane Martin

November 21, 2010 @ 8:35 pm

7lbs 12 oz, 18 1/2 inches

My unexpected, scared out of my ever lovin' mind, 4th child in 4 years! My little ball of sunshine! As I have with the others, I am sharing her birth story!

I honestly thought I would fly right through this pregnancy without any problems (I know, I know, what was I thinking?). I made it further than the last time without bed rest, but it came inevitably. Mom was a CHAMP...once again! I couldn't have done it without her! She stayed at the house while J was out of town & was completely exhausted but somehow made it through!

I was officially taken off bed rest Thursday, November 18th. I stopped my meds the day before & went back to life as normal.....well, not exactly.....I was completely uncomfortable in a thousand different ways but I was officially allowed to resume normal pregnancy activity.

Saturday, November 21st was my nephew Carson's birthday. We didn't have much going on that day.....we were pretty lazy actually. Josh was more than excited that I was off bedrest, if you know what I mean. So, we had a nap date! Apparently the last doctor was right when he told us that there was only one thing he knew of that could truly induce labor. I honestly thought all those things...walking, baths, sex, etc.....were nonsense since we had tried them all several times with the other 3 to no avail. Clearly I was mistaken.

Carson had a party planned for that afternoon at Chuck E Cheese from 4-6. About 3 o'clock I started having pretty heavy contractions but they were very inconsistent. This was nothing new & I just assumed that the "interaction" had irritated my uterus & got the contractions going. As I was getting the kids ready for the party I started to wonder if I was really in labor. I just had some inkling that this was it (although doubt loomed large because of all the false labor previously). I hesitantly made my way to the back & started packing my bags to take to the hospital. I wanted to be 100% sure because I didn't want to totally ruin Carson's party. As we were loading the kids into the car I told Josh I was bringing the hospital bag, to which he replied, "Oh, I doubt this is it. If we need to, we can just run back by here & get it. If you bring it, it will just jinx it." Thankfully, I didn't listen to him this time & threw the bags into the back of the Burb.

We headed out & when we got there I immediately had to sit down. I was exhausted & the contractions were picking up in intensity. After sitting for a bit they seemed to die back down & I thought it must just be false labor. But it wasn't long before I was having to focus through the contractions & decided it would be smart to start timing them. After 30-45 minutes of them coming fairly regularly I decided we needed to head to the hospital. I was embarrassed, disappointed & felt horrible for crashing the party but I was also TERRIFIED of waiting too long & delivering in the car or something crazy like that. So, Dad took Spencer & Sawyer back to our house & Samara stayed with Aunt Kacey while Josh, Mom & I headed to Baylor All Saints. I remember glancing at the clock when we left & it was 5:18pm.

Things were much less chaotic this time around. It took FOREVER to get me checked in & on the monitor. I was only 5 cm dilated when she finally checked my cervix (which isn't very far along for me but enough to be admitted) so things did not move nearly as fast as they did with Sawyer. I actually stayed in triage for about an hour while they got me admitted & monitored me.

I had not decided for certain whether or not I was going to have an epidural prior to coming to the hospital. I wanted to be strong & do it without because I knew my labor would be short but I also DID NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT PAIN AGAIN! I am not big on pain & I didn't go through any natural child birthing classes or anything. I had an epidural with the first two & they were both pleasant experiences. Josh wanted me to get an epidural if at all possible. I figured I would just see how things went & honestly I thought I would end up getting one. I remembered them offering me pain medication with Sawyer when I refused the epidural so I figured that would be an option as well.

When the triage nurse asked me if she needed to call the anesthesiologist I told her "no"......I kind of surprised myself, ha! She asked if I wanted any medication & I told her sure, that I was not opposed to medication. When she told my L&D nurse I wanted some IV meds, she baulked.....thankfully. She told me that they just make you really groggy & in a fog. Um, no thank you! I was so grateful she told me instead of just assuming I knew what they would do. So it was all me!!!! Ahhhh! I was scared....not gonna lie!

Sue, my midwife, checked me again once I got into my delivery room & I had only progressed to 6cm. I wasn't progressing super fast so she asked me if I wanted her to break my water. Sure, why not! Though I really didn't want her to because I knew my contractions would hurt much worse.....but that was coming sooner or later anyway. I completely forgot in this process that the paranatologist told me I had excess amniotic fluid. Wow people....this is not something you want to forget! It was insane! I definitely should have warned the nurse! She might have had a boat handy to help her outta there!

It was a only a short time before I really started hurting but Suzanne was an AWESOME nurse & hooked me up with a birthing ball. Josh thought this was hilarious! And I did not care because it was such a huge help for me!

The birthing ball!

Here I am on the ball!

And here I am actually USING the ball.....

About 8:20 I told them I had the urge to push so the nurse got me up on the bed, prepped the room & Sue checked me again. A 7....ONLY A 7! I seriously wanted to die....I thought, "this can't be happening."......I just knew I had to be close! I honestly thought that I would be able to start pushing. It was such a huge bummer to hear I was only at a 7. I'm sure she could feel my disappointment because she told me to give it just a little longer, that things would probably progress quickly.

Breathe Reagan breathe!

The next contraction I really had the urge to push & I told the nurse, "she's coming, I know she is." She rushed out of the room as I was pushing.

I told my Mom that I couldn't stop & she reassured me that it was OK. A few seconds later Sue rushed back into the room. The nursed asked if she was coming & Sue told her, "yes." Sue was trying to calm me, telling me to breathe & let her get her stuff on. Oh! So hard not to push but I did a MUCH better job this time! It's quite funny actually because it felt like an eternity when I was trying not to push....I kept thinking, "what the heck is taking her so long?" But when I went back to look at the video I was surprised to see how fast it all went! She quickly got all her gear on & I pushed Miss Sydney out!

Haha! Every time I look at these pictures it makes me laugh. It looks like soap opera drama. But let's be clear.....THIS WAS FOR REAL!

It took me 3 minutes to go from a 7 to delivery!!!! They immediately put her on my chest which was wonderful! That was a first for me & I feel so blessed I got to experience that!

Yuck! Did anyone elses kids look like this when they were born? She was covered in this nasty white stuff......none of my other kids were like that!

My sweet baby girl.....so nice to finally meet you!

Actually, she had a really short cord so they cut it before they put her on me. It was so cool because my Mom was there for this delivery & she got to cut the cord.

I love, love, love this picture! Doesn't Mom look so excited!?

J has never had any desire to do that but my Mom was super excited about getting to. She had no idea she was going to but when Sue asked J if he wanted to & he said "no", Mom asked if she could do it! It was a sweet moment for me, especially considering all Mom had done for us!
After Sue delivered her she kept saying, "Wow, she's so big"...."Oh my gosh, she's a big baby"....."I had no idea this baby was going to be so big." She didn't end up weighing as much as they expected but she was certainly my biggest yet.

A sweet moment that I am so very proud of.....When I was close to delivering, the nurse said, "This really feels like a first baby. Usually by the fourth baby they don't even bring a camera & there certainly aren't all the visitors (Josh's parents & Joey & Melissa were there)! Oh how that made my heart smile! I pray that I can love ALL my babies as if they were the first. Children are not a burden in my home!

Oh....& did anyone catch that my midwife & my nurse both had "S" names!?

Also, just have to mention that Sawyer & one of my nephews share a birthday & now Sydney shares a birthday with another one of my nephews!

And can't go without saying what an ENORMOUS blessing it has been to have Josh home for every. single. birth.....could have been so different with him out of town so much!

Here are just a few more pictures.....

Trust me, I know there are some out there wondering if we are ever going to end this madness.....you will be happy to know that J had a vasectomy & is OFFICIALLY shooting blanks.

A Candid Look

2011-01-13T15:29:00.001-06:00

I ran across something very interesting.

I mentioned previously about packing up my "memory" chest. What I ran across is actually something I believe the hand of God placed in that chest supernaturally. If you have read my story you might remember me mentioning that I threw away all my journals from before I became a Christian. I'm not sure if these papers fell out of something or if they were just tucked away in between books but as I was pulling everything out, a stack of papers, folded in half fell out onto the floor of the chest. It was clearly a handful of papers that had been torn from a spiral bound notebook because the tattered edges remained.

My life before I knew the Lord. That is what lay in my hands.

It was not pretty. Gut wrenching actually.

This was for real. This was not some fiction novel I was writing. These were my feelings, raw & uncensored.

I want to share some of what I found with you. I think it's important for people to see inside the head of a teenage girl who grew up in a great family but didn't know the Lord. Just consider as you read this that someone you might know might be feeling the very same way. Don't forget that you never really know what is going on with someone. Don't forget that you have an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life.

*I am posting what was written in my journal & sometimes my language is foul. I apologize ahead of time but I didn't want to leave it out because I feel that it would take away from the reality of the situation.*

Jan 31, 1999

I don't know what to do, or what to think. Just tonight (my boyfriend) & I got into a semi-fight because I had one of my little self-esteem fits again. He doesn't understand so I just pretend like nothing's wrong. It's so hard. I can't decide if it's (my boyfriend) or the fact that I'm so f**cked up! It just seems to trigger when I'm with him because I'm not as pretty or "mature" as everyone else. He pulls that sh*t on me all the time! I really don't know what it is that makes me feel like sh*t, but every time we go out, that is how I feel on the way home! I feel like I am always having to compete against someone or something. I don't know. I thought maybe joining a church, reading the bible would give me something to fit into, but I just feel like an outcast there also. It's like if I kill myself I'm hurting all these other people & I don't want that. I would never want anyone to be hurt because of my actions. So what is the answer? Going on with the rest of my life being constantly depressed, worrying about everything, being treated like sh*t, not being anything in life but taking up space. Nothing is ever right for me, I don't know what would make things change anytime soon. I don't even know what I want because I don't know what it is you have to have to feel special. I wish I could forget about everything & have fun in life, but it's just not that easy. I'm too busy worrying about pleasing everybody else to worry about myself. I don't know what it is that all those other girls have, but I wish I could borrow some. I'll never be pretty enough, skinny enough, rich enough, anything. So what is it I am supposed to do to build up this self esteem thing? I don't have anything to strive for, I'm not good enough at anything to be somebody. It's so hard for people to understand how I feel, but what am I supposed to do? It's easy to pretend nothing is wrong because I do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So when does the time come that I don't have to pretend anymore?

And there it is people. I'm not saying that every teenage girl feels this way. I just wanted to share who I was. There is a VAST difference in who I am today & it is only because of the Lord. The darkness you feel here is not a short period of depression.....this was my life.....& the only thing that changed was Christ coming into my heart. Does this give you a desire to share his goodness? It certainly does me. I don't share Him enough. He transformed my life!

This was right around the time of the entries. Do I look like I have anything to worry about? Boy what I would give to look like that again!

There was one more entry that I found quite interesting.

My brain feels like a brain on drugs. I remember VERY little. I have a difficult time remembering to get my daughter something to drink when she has asked me only 5 minutes earlier so the rest of my life is pretty much a blur. I have often wondered what I thought of God before I knew him. I wondered if I even thought about it or what I thought about the "Christians" at school or if I even gave it all a second thought. This entry answered some of those questions, at least at this point in my life. As you will see, this was 9 months later & I was still struggling with the same things.

October 15, 1999

I wish I knew how to have all the confidence in the world. I envy Shelby so much sometimes. She is so confident in herself. There is no one that could break her down. I just don't understand! I don't know how to have that. People that are confident in themselves do not understand what it's like to be someone like me. They take for granted that they are happy with their life. The worst part about the whole things is, I am terrified to have children. What if they turn out to have the same problems I do? Those poor babies, I could never wish it upon anyone. I think it has to be worse than being blind or deaf, or having cancer, because at least those people care if they live or die! The have something to look forward to even after they die, & what do I have? I don't have any idea, because I am completely uneducated in religion! Do you go anywhere if you don't know if you believe? I'm sure that question will remain unanswered because no matter how many times I have tried, have asked, have wanted to learn, it just hasn't happened. How are you supposed to believe when you don't know how? How are you supposed to ask for help when you don't know how to pray? It's so amazing all the things that are running through my head. It seems like I go through the same thoughts & questions day after day.

It's obvious that I wrestled with the bigger questions about life but I always came up empty handed. I think the term "lost" for those who aren't saved is a perfect description. I was LOST. It wasn't that I didn't want to find my way, I did....desperately. It was simply that I didn't know which way to turn or where to look. Thankfully a little over a year later the Lord CHASED ME DOWN!

I honestly feel like the Lord kept telling me to post this. My flesh did not want people to see this part of me....even if it was a long time ago. I believe that someone needed to read this. If that someone was you, please feel free to contact me. reagan_martin @ sbcglobal.net (minus the spaces).

Toys Galore

2011-01-13T09:53:00.002-06:00

So, in all of this organizing business I ran across a website that is challenging everyone to pick out 52 things you could do to organize your home & do one of those things each week for the next year. I initially thought that was ridiculous because she suggested breaking big tasks down over several weeks.....such as cleaning/organizing a drawer rather than the whole bathroom. Though, after thinking it through I realized that it was a brilliant idea. I'm pretty sure I can think of a dozen things that needed cleaning/organizing LAST year that I thought, I can't wait 6 months to do this, it needs to be done now & yet a year has past & it never got done. The house remains in the same condition because I didn't have a plan in place & I simply did whatever it took just to keep up each day. Another year rolls around & the same old things are on the to-do list. So, I am breaking those things down & tackling them over the course of the year.

I suppose I am actually starting with Week #2 because I just learned of the challenge yesterday. First on my list was to take my "memory" chest that my grandfather handmade for me & repurpose it into a toy chest. We are in desperate need of some toy storage in our living room. We have tried so many different things in there & haven't found anything that really works & looks decent. At the same time we are running out of room in our bedroom since it has become the bedroom, craft room, home office & temporary baby room.....so we figured this would be a good switch.

So today I packed up all the "memories" to put into the attic & moved the chest into the living room. We filled it up & the kids thoroughly enjoyed digging around, finding toys they hadn't seen in a week or two. I think I like it. It is quite large & I'm not sure there is really enough space where it's at but I like it better than what was going on in there before.

Back to the Basics

2011-01-11T20:53:00.000-06:00

So, on to week two of this OYOL. She suggests that we should figure out the bare minimum that needs to get done each day & post those things in a prominent place.

I actually have something very similar to the worksheet she offers already in place. I have an index card box that I have divided into several different categories.....Everyday, Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Seasonally, Twice a Year & Annually. At this point I just need to implement that which I have written out.

My everyday tab has things like put away dishes, 2 loads of laundry, sweep kitchen, bedtime pickup, etc. I do think I am going to add some of the things that are even more basic that I somehow keep forgetting like brushing the kids teeth, bathing them & making sure they take their vitamins.

Yes, I realize those things should just happen daily but somehow the day will come & go & I will have somehow missed getting those things done. I will think about having the kids brush their teeth but about that time Sydney will start screaming or Sawyer will need immediate help with something & I just won't ever get back around to helping them get it done. As far as bathing goes....the reality is that I just hate it. Finding a time when both girls are awake, Sydney's not eating & I'm not fixing someones breakfast, lunch or dinner has been a challenge in itself. Then trying to keep the boys occupied & out of the way while the girls get their bath is difficult & fielding Sam's 10,000 questions & taunts from the sidelines while bathing the boys just gets frustrating. Sometimes I have Sam take a shower with me but then it seems like Syd doesn't end up getting a bath until the next round of girl baths!!!! If J were home every night baths would not be such a daunting task but the reality is, he's not there 4 nights out of the week. If only they could go without a bath those 4 nights!

I could even add "get the kids dressed" to my basics but then I would just feel guilty that I didn't do it & frankly dressing the kids on a day I know we aren't going anywhere just seems counterproductive seeing as I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry as it is! (Mom, just hush it)

I'm thinking I might write out a basic daily do-or-die with check boxes, laminate it & put it on the kitchen counter so I can mark off things as I do them. Simply remembering has been an issue as well.....have the kids brushed their teeth today?....no, that had to have been yesterday......or maybe even the day before.....

My goal this week is to get the bare bones done each day.....& the rest....well, lets hope it happens in time.

My Purpose

2011-01-07T14:53:00.002-06:00

My "One Year to a More Organized Life" homework for the week? My purpose. This is the million dollar question. What is the purpose of me becoming more organized? Here is what I have come up with....

-To remove myself from solitude- A very timely devotion hit my inbox this morning. The writer is a mother of 6 & is a self-proclaimed loner. She told how she felt that God had placed her in such a large family to stretch her natural tendency to spend her time in solitude. As she points out, you can't be very effective for Christ if you live in solitude. When I get overwhelmed, I find myself doing one of several things....zoning out, getting consumed by the internet, or enveloping myself in some sort of craft. All of these are time wasters & seriously eat away at valuable time.

-To be a better steward of the things God has blessed us with. Ie. my kids got a new water toy during the summer & only a couple of days later I found it destroyed because someone had run over it with the four wheeler. Things are also simply left out to be destroyed by the wind or rain, etc. One would look in from the outside & simply say that we are unappreciative.

-I want my children to grow up & say they had a wonderful Mom who was calm, took time to play with them, made them feel loved, & kept their home so that they wanted to invite their friends over & their friends enjoyed being there.

-I want my husband to come home from a long week & be able to relax in a clean, organized home. This is extra important for us because my husband has ADHD & frequently loses things WITHOUT the chaos of a disorderly home.

-I want to be able to use the school supplies I have spent time & money on to teach Samara at home.

-I want my children to grow up in a home that glorifies God & is centered around Him. I want them to learn about his character day in & day out & fall in love with Him. God is a God of order, not of chaos & I want our home to be a reflection of who He is.

-I want to be able to be hospitable at any given moment without being utterly embarrased by the state of my home.

-I want to improve the hygiene of our home. (I want to bathe, wash my face, brush my teeth & put on makeup at LEAST every other day....although I would really like this to happen everyday) (I want to make sure the kids are bathed every other day & their teeth are brushed(& Sam's flossed) daily....although I would like for this to happen twice a day)

-I want to grow in my relationship with Christ....a daily quiet time & pouring out what God is putting in.

- I want to parent intentionally. I am tired of just letting each day wander by. I don't want to forget that, whether I like it or not, my kids are learning about God every waking moment by MY actions....or inactions.

A New Year

2011-01-07T09:32:00.001-06:00

So, this has been much anticipated on my part. I have been yearning to blog. Every hour I will have a blog post pop into my head but it quickly gets written off. I have gotten so accustomed to using my phone for all my Internet needs that it makes it very difficult to get out my computer, plug it into the Ethernet cable & post. I want so badly to blog so I am going to try once again to find the time to make it happen. Now that Sydney is sleeping good I am hoping to be able to get on a more regulated sleep schedule, which will hopefully allow for time to do stuff like this.

I first want to take an opportunity to say how blessed I am. I honestly thought it would be YEARS before I would enjoy being a Mom of four. I just thought I would be way too stressed & sleep deprived to enjoy life. I honestly thought I would just be doing whatever it took to "get by." I was WRONG & I couldn't be happier about that. It has been wonderful! I have so enjoyed having Sydney. It is possible that I have spent time relishing her tininess because I know I won't be enjoying it again....at least for a long time. Don't get me wrong....it hasn't all been peachy....but are things always peachy when you only have one....or even none for that matter? Nope.....at least not in my experience. The reality for me right now is that my 2 year old is my biggest challenge......& my small house that creates problems that I would not otherwise have.

This being a new year, I have taken some time to reflect on the past year & I am painfully aware of some much needed changes. I am a pretty reflective person so it's not like I don't do this weekly, sometimes daily but I have been given some accountability with a blog I recently ran across. This blog is written by a Mom of 4 in 5 years so she deals with many of the same things I do. I was excited to run across it & have been encouraged by her honesty of what life can be like with four young children. Her goal for 2011 is to get her life organized by the end of the year....to fulfill her purpose. I want that very same thing & intend to take this journey with her.

Pregnancy Update

2010-11-03T15:05:00.001-05:00

So, I had an appt with the high risk specialist on Monday. My Mom & my Aunt went with me. My Mom doesn't think I should be driving & my Aunt just happened to be in town & had never seen a sonogram.

I was taken a little by surprise by what was discovered.

First of all, they didn't even do a transvaginal sono to measure my cervix so I'm not really sure why I went. BUT, the external sonogram ended up revealing another issue! Surprise, surprise! I have excessive amniotic fluid & the baby is apparently growing excessively. A baby should be approximately 5 lbs 4oz at this time & they were measuring the baby at 6 lbs 12 oz. Since I normally have small babies (the biggest was 7 lbs 4 oz) they seemed a bit concerned.

They put me on the fetal monitor just to be sure the baby was fine.....she was. The doctor said that the glucose test given at 28 weeks to check for gestational diabetes is only 95% accurate & she thinks I am in the other 5%. She told me to change my diet to that of a diabetic & wanted to see me back in 1 week.

Personally I don't think I have gestational diabetes. I thought it sounded a little fishy when I was at the appointment but I went with it because she didn't act like she had an alternative explanation. I tend to think that I got the Sunday School Big Baby curse : ) No, I really have no idea what is going on. When I researched gestational diabetes there were several clues to the disease.....none of which I have. One of the clues is sugar in your urine....never been a problem. Some symptoms are excessive hunger or thirst, frequent urination, frequent vaginal infections, excessive weight gain......none of which I have.

Some weird stuff going on that no one seems to have any viable answers for. Please pray for my health & that of the baby.

By the way.....my Mom is a hoot watching the sono. She has NO clue what she is looking at. I am pretty good at picking stuff out now but Mom thinks I'm just making it up......it's pretty funny!

Spencer drama!

2010-10-30T18:32:00.001-05:00

Mister all-boy-2-year-old scared the begebees out of J & I this summer. Pretty sure I have never been that scared since becoming a parent. This is where the Martin drama begins.....

It was a hot summer day, like any other. J was home. He was so excited about buying the kids a slide & couldn't wait to get in the backyard & set it up for them. He brought it around to the back as the 3 kids played outside while he worked. Sawyer was up in his swing because he was still only crawling but the other 2 were playing in the sand & riding the 4-wheeler.

I was inside doing something.....couldn't tell you what....I'm sure cleaning. I noticed Josh come in & go back to the bedroom to change clothes. Just minutes later he went back out but this time he went out front. It only took him a minute & he was back in, running to the backyard. As he comes back in the door he says "Oh crap" & rushes out front again. He ran out to the street looking around & yelling for Spencer, but got no answer.

By this time I am realizing what is going & am beginning to freak out. Josh tells me he is on the 4-wheeler but he doesn't see him. He starts to run down the street but when he gets to the end he still can't see him. At this time, I ran to the backyard to make sure Sam & Sawyer were OK & that Sam wasn't going anywhere. I ran out the front door & down the street in the opposite direction, screaming his name at the top of my lungs.

It was like something from the movies......that frantic screaming & crying, begging God for help! I got to the cross-street & didn't see him anywhere. I can't tell you the last time I ran anywhere.....much less, without any shoes on a burning blacktop. It was clear that I was worthless on foot so I ran back to the house. I got down in Sam's face & explained that Spencer was missing & Mommy & Daddy had to go look for him.....then I threatened her with her life & locked her inside.

I got my keys, jumped in the truck & immediately dialed 9-1-1.

I guess you could say I was hysterical at this point......every awful thing that could possibly happen to him, racing through my mind. I went down the street & around the next block while I am relaying info to the dispatcher. I never saw him. As I headed back up the street she asked if I was sure he wasn't at the house, just hiding or something.

By this time, I thought I ought to head back to the house to see if J had found him. As I rounded the corner I thought I saw the 4-wheeler in the front yard. As I got closer to the house I yelled, "the 4-wheeler is in the front yard.......it's by the front door......the 4-wheeler is here!!!!!!!!!!" The dispatcher asked, "Are you sure? Are you sure he is there?" I flew into the driveway, threw open the door & ran inside yelling, "is he here? is Spencer here?"

I have no idea where Josh was but Samara said, "yes, he's in his room."

Wow! A rush of relief & frustration!

I told the dispatcher but it wasn't 2 minutes later that the police were knocking on our front door asking to see him. I guess they can't just take your word for it. He was adamant that they see him. They talked to him for a bit, making sure he heard from someone besides his parents that he better not do anything like that ever again!

So, Josh found him at the far end of our street on the cross street in someones driveway. Thankfully a woman stopped him & kept him there in the driveway. She was truly an angel.....it could have been REALLY bad. Our dog went the whole way with him. I was totally impressed! I had blisters on the bottom of my feet from the burning street so I know that Maddie was hurting. She was limping when she got home, poor girl!

After the commotion settled I crashed in the rocking chair & just cried. I was exhausted & so grateful that God had spared our family a tragedy.

Math Facts

2010-10-26T16:20:00.001-05:00

(My Mom is my witness on this) The other day Sam came up to me & said, "2+2=4." I said, "That's right, who told you that?" "Papa." So, just to be silly I said, "Then what is 2+3?" She thought for a minute & said, "5" Uhhhhh, WHAT? Mom & I looked at each other in total shock! I might have even said, "That had to be a coincidence."

The next day Dad came over & I told him about what happened. Sam was sitting in the kitchen & he turned to her & started quizzing her.......

Dad: What's 2+2?
Sam: 4
Dad: What's 2+3?
Sam: 5
Dad: What's 1+3?
Sam: 2 (which is obviously wrong)
Dad: Maybe this will be easier...what's 3+1?
Sam: 4
Dad: What's 2+1?
Sam: 3. I'm done.

& that was the end of that. But we were definitely all shocked. I knew she was really good with numbers but to just bust out with the answers to abstract math problems was WAY beyond what I thought she was capable of. I'm always doing that. I just don't want to be one of those Mom's who is always pushing her kid to be the smartest. I just want her to learn at her own pace at this point. I guess the negative side of that is that I don't push her to try anything that is above her "level." Anyway, I probably wouldn't have even shared that if I didn't have a story to tell that goes along with it.

I'll preface the story by telling you that we have been working on Sam using her "imagination." She has a VERY hard time with this (as do I.....so I'm not a great example) so I have been trying to encourage her to use her imagination to play.

While we were at the doctor's office today I was trying to think of productive ways to spend the 2 LONG hours we were there. I thought maybe she would like to do some "math facts" since she seemed to enjoy answering my Dad the other day. The conversation went like this:

Me: What's 2+2?
Sam: 4
Me: OK, so what's 2+3?
Sam: 4!
Me: Um, were you even listening? How can 2+2=4 AND 2+3=4?
Sam: With my imagination!!!!!

Hahaha....my daughter is so clever!.....or maybe a smart-aleck? LOVE that girl!

Drama!

2010-10-26T15:53:00.000-05:00

I feel like that's the best way to describe all that has taken place in the Martin household over the past 6 months.

It is like big thing after big thing. It's so crazy to seriously feel like things are so chaotic, yet still be so at peace. Things don't SEEM so crazy to me until I sit down to tell someone about everything & then it all just sounds so ridiculous! There is only ONE reason for that. The phrase that God had me write on my bathroom mirror when I was pregnant with Sawyer.....it still remains.....Where God guides, He provides!!!!

So, what's the latest goings on with us?

As most of you know, I am on strict bedrest with bathroom only privileges. Somehow I thought I'd scoot by it this time. We had a great plan in place of doing the FFN every 2 weeks but they just grew more & more concerned as time passed & my contractions grew stronger, more consistent & closer together. So I was sent to a paranatologist (high risk doctor). They did a sono & nothing seemed WAY out of whack. My cervix was a little short but with my history it wasn't a huge concern. They scheduled me for an appt 2 weeks later & ended up not liking what they saw at that time. The 1st appt my cervix was measuring 2.6 with pressure & 2 weeks later it was measuring at 1.6 without pressure. Apparently this is quite a significant change so she placed me on bedrest until 36 weeks. ( I am at 34 weeks right now)

In the middle of all that mess I got that nasty stomach bug that almost everyone I know ended up getting (including ALL 5 of us) & ended up in the hospital getting pumped with 3 bags of fluid because I was SOOOO dehydrated! Thankfully I just had to stay long enough for them to get the fluid in me.....no overnight stay.....WOOHOO!

I am BEYOND blessed and SOO thankful for all of my amazing friends & family that have just stepped right up & helped me during this frustrating & difficult time. My Mom has been staying at our house during the week while Josh is gone so that I can have help with the kids. Seriously.....how awesome is that? I am blessed! After posting about bedrest on FB I had lots of offers of people bringing us food. So far we have had someone bring something every night except on the weekends & have a full schedule at least through next Tuesday! Amazing.....REALLY! It has been SOOO helpful. My Mom gets tired after chasing kids around, house cleaning & running errands all day so to not have to worry about dinner is HUGE!

A MUCHO, MASSIVE, WAY HUGE thank you to all who have helped us out!

I want to dedicate a post for each of the ridiculous events that have taken place over the past several months so be sure to check back for some exciting adventures.........HA!

My Story

2010-08-10T22:17:00.004-05:00

I thought it would just be easier for anyone reading my story for the first time to have it all in one place so, here it is in it's entirety. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me along the way....I have gone back often to the comfort of your words!

God has been asking me to do this for some time now but I guess you could say that I have been ignoring Him because....I DON'T WANT TO!

You all need to know that there is a reason I am such an advocate for life.....why I HATE abortion and on occasion voice my disgust with it.

My desire has never been to condemn or hurt anyone.... if statistics are correct (1 in 3 women will have an abortion).....some of you have experienced this horrific procedure personally.

I am among those women.

I am ashamed......I wish I could say that I am not.....that I know I am forgiven and forgiveness releases you from the debt of all sin. The shame never goes away....at least it hasn't for me over the past 10 years. The guilt never leaves me. The what-ifs are still there. I am certain the pain will reside in my heart forever.

BUT, God has given me a purpose.

To educate. To inform. To help. I want people to know what all the "pro-choice" people don't tell you and the "pro-life" people likely aren't even aware of. Experience lends perspective.

He was my boyfriend. We had been dating for over a year by this time. As a 17 year old girl I was the one who thought, "It will never happen to me." I knew lots of other girls who were "doing it" and they never had any problems. Or so I told myself.

Isn't it funny how we believe what we see? Trust me when I tell you that what you see is not how it is. I did a great job at hiding it myself. There was no way anyone would know my secret....not even my very best friends.

I will never forget the day I found out that my life would never be the same....it is crystal clear, as if it were only yesterday. I sat in his bathroom. I had stealthily snuck a pregnancy test off the shelf at the local grocery store. Test in hand, I collapsed on the floor, acknowledging the dreaded result. I sobbed. No one was home but the two of us and he was outside tending to the horses. I was all alone and that's how I wanted it....I was terrified.

After regaining composure somewhat, I called for him. I had him sit down in the easy chair in the living room. I handed him the test, trying my best to contain my emotions. He looked at me, "what does that mean?" I choked out the words, "I'm pregnant" before losing it. A full blown panic attack ensued. The weight of the world was on my shoulders.

He never got angry. I was taken aback by his calm demeanor. I was beginning to think that everything was going to be OK. And then came the words....."don't worry about it, we'll take care of it." That did not console me. In fact, I burned with anger inside. I knew what those words meant and until that moment that option had not crossed my mind. I had always dreamed of being a parent. While I was not expecting this experience at such an early age, I had already begun to accept that it was what it was.

As I lay there curled in the fetal position my mind raced. I thought of anything I could do to keep THAT from happening. His parents had lost his only sibling when she was only 3. I knew if I told them I was pregnant, they would never allow THAT to happen. Should I go behind his back? And then what would they think? What if they agreed with his decision?

Could I parent this child on my own? I knew he would never marry me. I would be ruining his opportunity to fulfill his lifelong dream if I did not concede. What would my parents say? What would they tell their friends? Did this mean I would have to work and my baby would have to go to daycare? Would anyone ever want to marry me? The questions were endless.

The details up until the day I arrived at the clinic are blurry. I honestly don’t remember making the call or figuring out where I was going to go. Somehow I knew that Planned Parenthood did abortions and that they didn’t require your parent’s permission. (Could it be the million-dollar marketing they target at teens?) It is very possible that I made him do all of the research, calling, etc. since it wasn’t what I wanted to do (that just sounds like something I would do)

I do recall sitting in the cubicle talking with one of the “counselors.” In retrospect, this is what makes me soooo angry. I recall the conversation for the most part…..this is basically how it went.

Counselor: “So, you are pregnant and don’t want to be. That is why you are here, right?”
Me: “Yes”
Counselor: “Are you aware of the options you have at this point?”
Me: “Yes” (even though I had NO clue, I just wanted to get outta there as quickly as possible)
Counselor: “And what option do you feel is best for you?”
Me: Eyes peeled to the ground, tears welling up inside….”abortion”.
Counselor: "It’s OK honey, I know this is hard but you need to do what is right for you. Does the father know?”
Me: “Yes, this was his idea.”
Counselor: “Is this what you want to do?”
Me: “I guess….I don’t really know what else I can do.”
Counselor: “Alright then, let’s set up an appointment. Who will be bringing you to the clinic?”
Me: “My boyfriend.”
Counselor: “OK, when you get here, you can park right next to the building in the spots closest to the front door. When you walk in you need to keep your head down and ignore the people at the end of the gate. They will try to entice you not to go forward with the procedure but what they will tell you are lies. Just do your best to pretend like they aren’t there”……. and the conversation continued with details about time and what to expect physically after the surgery, etc.

I don’t remember much after this….. the instructions about ignoring the people really frightened me and my mind raced elsewhere.

Can I just stop the story for a minute and discuss my frustrations with this? The lady never explained my options. When I said I knew what my options were she took my word for it and continued. This should not be allowed. They should be REQUIRED to walk you through each option available. I honestly believe (though I don’t want to take anything away from my responsibility in this) that if I had been given all the options that I would not have chosen abortion.

I also think they should be REQUIRED to reveal the exact procedure being performed. This in turn would require the mother to be privy to the fact that the child inside of her is already looking like a baby and has a beating heart. They should be required to tell you that the doctor will rip apart this child by its limbs and then suck its remains out with a vacuum. Did I know ANY of this? NO, NO, NO! I am angry that I was not told what they were going to do. I am angry that they fool MANY into choosing abortion.

If you were going in for knee surgery, would they not take x-rays, bring them into the exam room and show you what they saw? Wouldn’t they explain in detail the procedure they plan on performing so that you could make an informed decision? ABORTION is a secret because people don’t want to know the horrific details, they just want to be out of the situation they are in. Fewer people would choose this route if they were only informed! Our children deserve to know what an abortion really is BEFORE they are put in a position to have to make a decision about an unwanted pregnancy. (Though, for those of you who aren't aware, children are not the only ones having abortions. Single adults and even married women are as well.)

Case in point: I have a friend who also faced an unwanted pregnancy and she too chose to have an abortion. It was clear from the moment I was told that it was not up for discussion. After my abortion I ended up sharing with her that I had gone through the same thing. We ended up attending the same college. I will never forget one day I received a phone call from her telling me to stay away from the large grassy area in the middle of campus. She was FUMING. She could not believe that people had the audacity to put up a display of aborted babies. For whatever reason….I wanted to know. While I respected her viewpoint, I did not understand it. I was drawn to the exhibit. It was hard….very hard. For the FIRST time I was made aware of what my decision looked like in cold hard facts. I honestly remember telling myself that I had had my abortion long before the abortions depicted on the display; that I didn’t really have anything but tissue in there when I had the procedure.

I know now that I was wrong.

I was blinded by my desire to just get it over with….to return to a normal life. (Which NEVER happened, by the way)

Planned Parenthood has an agenda. Capitalize on the culture’s irresponsibility and carelessness. Abortions = HUGE Profits. They do NOT care about your well-being. (I realize that they are not the only ones who perform abortions but this is whom I can share about from experience.)

So…..it came time to wait! For whatever reason (this is something I want to research)….they liked to schedule the procedure between 8 & 12 weeks.

I don’t recall much about this time except that I took a trip to Italy with my high school choir while I was still pregnant. My mother went with us. I got soooo incredibly sick. I attributed it to motion sickness because we did so much traveling that day. I wanted SOOO bad to share with my Mom but I knew if I told anyone I wouldn’t be able to stomach going through with the procedure and would surely ruin my boyfriends life. Ironically, I thought I was being selfless. It was a sad trip for me.

The long anticipated day arrived. It was dreadful. My boyfriend drove me to the clinic and walked me inside. I made him check me in. I immediately sat down in the chair closest to the door….it was as far as I could go at the moment. I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my head.

When he returned to my side he asked, “Are you okay?”

“Are you serious? No I’m not okay.” It was all I could say…..my stomach was churning. I sat there, head buried, tears streaming down my face until they called my name.

I don’t remember anything about the preparation or the procedure. The recovery room I remember vividly. For whatever reason, I remember this more than anything else about the whole situation.

I lay in my bed still groggy from the anesthetic, awoken to girls laughing. It made me want to vomit. I was so repulsed by their flippancy. They were laughing and carrying on and making friends with the girls in the bed next to them. I felt so alone…..so isolated…..like I was the strange one for feeling so bad about what I had done. I just remember being so confused.

I did not grow up in church. I did not come to know the Lord until I was 20 years old. It was not because of my relationship with Christ that I was overcome with guilt.

I think this is very important. There are so many people out there who claim that there is no such thing as Post Abortion Syndrome. They say that it is something made up by the Pro-Life community to scare women. I am here to tell you that they are CRAZY! I knew nothing of what I was actually doing. I had no idea that I was killing a living being or what my choice was costing and yet my heart still screamed with guilt. I believe that God has written the Truth on our hearts.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:13-16)

I believe that those who say they have not experienced any remorse or any sort of PAS are lying to themselves or have suppressed those feelings and will one day be confronted with them.

I was sent on my way and so my boyfriend took me to the only place I could recover without questions….his workplace. At that time he was a ranch-hand and the ranch had a bunk house. I stayed curled up there for the remainder of the day. I felt like the world had stopped turning. I felt as though life should come to a halt….that he should be so overwhelmed with grief that he would need the afternoon to recover with me. I was wrong. His day carried on as any other. It was the beginning of a very dark period in my life.

The idea that I would feel so much better after the event had taken place was proving to be so far from reality.

I was changed. My days became long & hard. I wept daily.....I will never forget. I remember driving down the road in the passenger's seat of my boyfriend's pickup, crying. Frustrated, I turned my face toward the window because I knew he would think I was insane if he saw me crying AGAIN. I couldn't get it together, though nothing had happened to cause the tears. I considered the past year & was certain that I had shed more tears in that time than I had in all the years of my life combined. I was not one to cry. But life was different.

I remember feeling stuck. I stayed with Brad 3 more years after the abortion. It wasn't because I loved him. I felt worthless. I felt like no one on earth could love me. I felt like a horrible person. I didn't feel deserving of the kind of person I really wanted to be with, so I stayed.

The summer after my freshman year of college I received a phone call from my parents asking me to come home. They had something they needed to tell me. It was not a pleasant conversation......gut-wrenching actually. I don't have a great memory but I remember every detail of that conversation.

They were splitting up.

I was all alone.

The loneliness was overwhelming, a dark cloud looming over me, & it was not because of my physical circumstances. I had already isolated myself from my boyfriend because I hated him for never feeling guilty about the abortion. After learning about my parents, I couldn't stand to be around my Dad (whose decision it was to separate) & moved out of their house & into my boyfriend's. I no longer had my family, my boyfriend had already isolated me from my friends & now I was living with someone whom I essentially hated.

~Let's pause right here for a moment. I need to tell you that I don't remember the time-line entirely. I journaled all the time back then. I wish I had kept my journals but I threw them all out when I got engaged to my husband. What a foolish thing to do. I have since lost track of what happened when & in what order. The main things I remember are when the abortion took place & when I came to Christ.~

We are a reading family. A few months after moving into my boyfriend's home, my Mom introduced me to a new series of books she was reading. Someone from her school suggested she read them & she really enjoyed them so she was passing them on to me. These books were from the "Left Behind" series by Jerry Jenkins & Tim LaHaye. They were FASCINATING. I suppose I had never heard anything like this & for these things to possibly be true????? It is clear now as I look back that the Holy Spirit was moving in my heart.

I knew that if these things really were true that I didn't want any part of being here for them! I was determined to find out the truth & the only place I knew to do that was at church. I was living in Rhome, Texas at the time so I did some research & found a small Baptist church about 10 minutes from the house. I talked my boyfriend and his Mom into attending Aurora Baptist Church with me the very first Sunday.

Looking back I just laugh at how naive I was & how horrible I must have looked to all of the mature Christians who sat in the pews. Because we were visitors, we had people introducing themselves & asking us basic questions. I was not one bit ashamed or embarrassed to tell them that I was living in Rhome with my boyfriend! Ha....so clueless! But isn't it great that God loved me even though I was so lost?

I don't really remember how many weekends I attended before giving my life to Christ but I know it wasn't many. My boyfriend's Mom didn't go the following week & my boyfriend didn't join me the week after that. It was all me. The Lord chased this sister down! This was a traditional Baptist church & the Pastor would do an invitational at the end of every service. There were a couple of weekends that the Lord was really prompting my heart but I wasn't sure or was too embarrassed to go down front. He mentioned that there was more information about becoming a Christian at the back of the sanctuary. I secretly grabbed one of the pamphlets on my way out the door that weekend. It was in reading through that pamphlet that I gave my life to Christ. I do recall thinking that I needed to walk down front at church to actually receive Christ in my heart. I prayed the prayer by myself but I felt like it just couldn't be that "easy".....there had to be something else I had to do. (which is completely untrue)

The following weekend I walked down to the front during the invitational & shared that I had given my life to Christ. Several weeks later I was baptized. As I think back on that moment, I am saddened that I walked through all of that alone. I did not invite a soul to my baptism. I was convinced that my parents would think I was crazy & who else would I invite? I was baptized all alone. An event that should have been wrapped in celebration, just was. Oh, but my heart was wrapped in celebration & that was what really mattered!

It was from the moment that I gave my life to Christ that I was changed. That may seem cliche to some but boy did it ring true for me! It was nothing that I TRIED to change. It was simply that my heart had been transformed. Things like cussing, something that was second nature & not the least bit offensive prior to this time, all of the sudden had me cringing. I'm not even sure that I knew cussing was "wrong". The Spirit just came into my life & turned it upside down. The purity of Christ sat so heavily upon me that the things of this world were suddenly displayed in a new light!

My life began to feel like it had purpose & meaning......something I had not felt in a very long time.....maybe ever!

My life was consumed by learning & spending time in the Word. I wrestled with the relationship I was in & decided that God's desire was for me was to marry Brad since we had already come together & become one in God's eyes. Looking back I am certain that I came to this conclusion, not because I thought it was true but because I didn't think I deserved anything better. It wasn't long before God brought heavy conviction upon my heart about this relationship & I broke things off. I moved out of his house into a duplex by myself. It was a sad & yet crucial time for me. I was very lonely but God knew that the isolation was the best possible thing for me at that time. I spent hours upon hours pouring over the Bible & in prayer. This time gave me a foundation not in church membership or Christian friends or someone else's thoughts or ideas but in Christ himself! What a blessing! God truly amazes me at how he worked out my life to allow for this time. A time of transition from putting my worth in others to putting my worth in Christ.

As I was trying to untangle our lives I became well aware of my need to find a new church home. I really had no idea where to start. I visited several churches in the area but did not feel comfortable with any of them. Amazingly, God had orchestrated a Christian connection several years before this. Even though we had not worked together in several years, we stayed in touch a couple of times a year. It struck me to contact him & see if he could suggest a good church. He quickly invited me to his church & immediately threw me in the singles mix to get involved! I jumped right in & my walk with the Lord truly soared as I began to grow & build healthy relationships. The memories of my single days at Fellowship are still very vivid. It was such a wonderful time when life held very little responsibility & I could spend huge amounts of time chasing after the Lord with wild abandon. As much as I love my life right now I so miss the time I had to focus on my relationship with the Lord when I was single.

There have been up times & down times. There has been heartache, pain, joy & celebration. These things are not so different from my life before Christ. What has been different is that my life has held meaning through all of those times. When things were low, my hope never wavered! Knowing you have a God who is in charge of ALL things, with your best interest in mind, is a very comforting thought. God has transformed my heart & I will forever be changed.

As far as the abortion goes......I have been forgiven! It is such a sweet truth that I feel completely unworthy of! I got involved with a crisis pregnancy center early on in my walk with the Lord & they encouraged me to walk through a post abortion Bible study. It was one of the most liberating things I have ever done. I'm not sure I realized how paralyzed I had been from that tragic event in my life. Through the study, I was able to forgive Brad, & most of all, forgive myself. I know now that God wants to use me to further his kingdom by using the experience to help others. Talk about redemption! God is so good like that! Everything, everything, everything has a purpose!

(Oh, & on a side note, my parents never got divorced!!!!!!!!!!!! They were actually both saved & I had the privilege of watching them walk through the waters of baptisms, hand in hand!!!!!)

Finally......An Ending!

2010-08-10T22:00:00.003-05:00

This story is not over. I realize that it has been FAR too long since I last wrote about my experience but it hasn't been because this is not important. This part of the story is just as important. Life has gotten in the way of me spending time blogging but I wanted to finish this story if anyone was ever led here & needed to hear someones personal story.

I was changed. My days became long & hard. I wept daily.....I will never forget. I remember driving down the road in the passenger's seat of my boyfriend's pickup, crying. Frustrated, I turned my face toward the window because I knew he would think I was insane if he saw me crying AGAIN. I couldn't get it together, though nothing had happened to cause the tears. I considered the past year & was certain that I had shed more tears in that time than I had in all the years of my life combined. I was not one to cry. But life was different.

I remember feeling stuck. I stayed with Brad 3 more years after the abortion. It wasn't because I loved him. I felt worthless. I felt like no one on earth could love me. I felt like a horrible person. I didn't feel deserving of the kind of person I really wanted to be with, so I stayed.

The summer after my freshman year of college I received a phone call from my parents asking me to come home. They had something they needed to tell me. It was not a pleasant conversation......gut-wrenching actually. I don't have a great memory but I remember every detail of that conversation.

They were splitting up.

I was all alone.

The loneliness was overwhelming, a dark cloud looming over me, & it was not because of my physical circumstances. I had already isolated myself from my boyfriend because I hated him for never feeling guilty about the abortion. After learning about my parents, I couldn't stand to be around my Dad (whose decision it was to separate) & moved out of their house & into my boyfriend's. I no longer had my family, my boyfriend had already isolated me from my friends & now I was living with someone whom I essentially hated.

~Let's pause right here for a moment. I need to tell you that I don't remember the time-line entirely. I journaled all the time back then. I wish I had kept my journals but I threw them all out when I got engaged to my husband. What a foolish thing to do. I have since lost track of what happened when & in what order. The main things I remember are when the abortion took place & when I came to Christ.~

We are a reading family. A few months after moving into my boyfriend's home, my Mom introduced me to a new series of books she was reading. Someone from her school suggested she read them & she really enjoyed them so she was passing them on to me. These books were from the "Left Behind" series by Jerry Jenkins & Tim LaHaye. They were FASCINATING. I suppose I had never heard anything like this & for these things to possibly be true????? It is clear now as I look back that the Holy Spirit was moving in my heart.

I knew that if these things really were true that I didn't want any part of being here for them! I was determined to find out the truth & the only place I knew to do that was at church. I was living in Rhome, Texas at the time so I did some research & found a small Baptist church about 10 minutes from the house. I talked my boyfriend and his Mom into attending Aurora Baptist Church with me the very first Sunday.

Looking back I just laugh at how naive I was & how horrible I must have looked to all of the mature Christians who sat in the pews. Because we were visitors, we had people introducing themselves & asking us basic questions. I was not one bit ashamed or embarrassed to tell them that I was living in Rhome with my boyfriend! Ha....so clueless! But isn't it great that God loved me even though I was so lost?

I don't really remember how many weekends I attended before giving my life to Christ but I know it wasn't many. My boyfriend's Mom didn't go the following week & my boyfriend didn't join me the week after that. It was all me. The Lord chased this sister down! This was a traditional Baptist church & the Pastor would do an invitational at the end of every service. There were a couple of weekends that the Lord was really prompting my heart but I wasn't sure or was too embarrassed to go down front. He mentioned that there was more information about becoming a Christian at the back of the sanctuary. I secretly grabbed one of the pamphlets on my way out the door that weekend. It was in reading through that pamphlet that I gave my life to Christ. I do recall thinking that I needed to walk down front at church to actually receive Christ in my heart. I prayed the prayer by myself but I felt like it just couldn't be that "easy".....there had to be something else I had to do. (which is completely untrue)

The following weekend I walked down to the front during the invitational & shared that I had given my life to Christ. Several weeks later I was baptized. As I think back on that moment, I am saddened that I walked through all of that alone. I did not invite a soul to my baptism. I was convinced that my parents would think I was crazy & who else would I invite? I was baptized all alone. An event that should have been wrapped in celebration, just was. Oh, but my heart was wrapped in celebration & that was what really mattered!

It was from the moment that I gave my life to Christ that I was changed. That may seem cliche to some but boy did it ring true for me! It was nothing that I TRIED to change. It was simply that my heart had been transformed. Things like cussing, something that was second nature & not the least bit offensive prior to this time, all of the sudden had me cringing. I'm not even sure that I knew cussing was "wrong". The Spirit just came into my life & turned it upside down. The purity of Christ sat so heavily upon me that the things of this world were suddenly displayed in a new light!

My life began to feel like it had purpose & meaning......something I had not felt in a very long time.....maybe ever!

My life was consumed by learning & spending time in the Word. I wrestled with the relationship I was in & decided that God's desire was for me was to marry Brad since we had already come together & become one in God's eyes. Looking back I am certain that I came to this conclusion, not because I thought it was true but because I didn't think I deserved anything better. It wasn't long before God brought heavy conviction upon my heart about this relationship & I broke things off. I moved out of his house into a duplex by myself. It was a sad & yet crucial time for me. I was very lonely but God knew that the isolation was the best possible thing for me at that time. I spent hours upon hours pouring over the Bible & in prayer. This time gave me a foundation not in church membership or Christian friends or someone else's thoughts or ideas but in Christ himself! What a blessing! God truly amazes me at how he worked out my life to allow for this time. A time of transition from putting my worth in others to putting my worth in Christ.

As I was trying to untangle our lives I became well aware of my need to find a new church home. I really had no idea where to start. I visited several churches in the area but did not feel comfortable with any of them. Amazingly, God had orchestrated a Christian connection several years before this. Even though we had not worked together in several years, we stayed in touch a couple of times a year. It struck me to contact him & see if he could suggest a good church. He quickly invited me to his church & immediately threw me in the singles mix to get involved! I jumped right in & my walk with the Lord truly soared as I began to grow & build healthy relationships. The memories of my single days at Fellowship are still very vivid. It was such a wonderful time when life held very little responsibility & I could spend huge amounts of time chasing after the Lord with wild abandon. As much as I love my life right now I so miss the time I had to focus on my relationship with the Lord when I was single.

There have been up times & down times. There has been heartache, pain, joy & celebration. These things are not so different from my life before Christ. What has been different is that my life has held meaning through all of those times. When things were low, my hope never wavered! Knowing you have a God who is in charge of ALL things, with your best interest in mind, is a very comforting thought. God has transformed my heart & I will forever be changed.

As far as the abortion goes......I have been forgiven! It is such a sweet truth that I feel completely unworthy of! I got involved with a crisis pregnancy center early on in my walk with the Lord & they encouraged me to walk through a post abortion Bible study. It was one of the most liberating things I have ever done. I'm not sure I realized how paralyzed I had been from that tragic event in my life. Through the study, I was able to forgive Brad, & most of all, forgive myself. I know now that God wants to use me to further his kingdom by using the experience to help others. Talk about redemption! God is so good like that! Everything, everything, everything has a purpose!

Week One of Cloth Diapering Complete

2010-06-19T21:00:00.006-05:00

I have been contemplating changing to cloth for some time now. In fact I thought I wanted to start Spencer out in cloth but it just never happened. I made one diaper, did very little research, had leaks & moved on. BUT, when I found out #4 was on the way & that meant 3 in diapers, my attitude changed a bit. The cloth diapering became more of a financial necessity.

Sooo, I did a TON of research & finally decided on what CD method I was going to use. Sounds kinda goofy, I know, but there are so many different choices. I found a ton of great sources but my favorite was probably Green Mountain Diapers, which provided a wealth of valuable information. The whole point for me in this is to save money. While I do like to be GREEN, the financial situation was certainly the deciding factor on this venture.Because I was going the frugal route, I chose prefolds & covers. (He has a cover just like the one above!) This is more like old-fashioned CD'ing that most of you are familiar with. It seemed that all the reviews kept saying that people would try the other types.......AIO's, pockets, fitteds, etc. but they would always fall back on their prefolds & really thought that they were the best, even though they might not be the most convenient.

Well, since I stay home MOST of the time, I didn't figure I had a good excuse NOT to use the prefolds. So, I bit the bullet & ordered enough to get me going. CD'ing takes quite a bit of prep work so I didn't get to get started the minute my stuff arrived like I like to. Because I chose organic, unbleached prefolds it took even more work. I had to wash & dry them a zillion times to get them going. I also had to lanolize my wool cover which basically just helps it to repel water.

After a couple of days of getting the diapers prepped (which really wasn't that big of a deal & only has to be done once), I jumped right in! I have to say that I am thoroughly impressed. I have not had even ONE leak yet! They are actually quite simple to do & they are simple enough to wash & dry. I honestly thought I would hate it & just deal with it because it was something that needed to be done but I have been pleasantly surprised. I didn't even change him in the middle of the night last night & to my surprise he woke up with dry clothes! I have been putting the wool cover on him at night & it has worked perfectly!

This is not Sawyer but this is what his wool cover looks like! SO CUTE!

I do have to say that I have yet to get Josh to change a diaper. BUT, my Mom eagerly tried after seeing how simple it is these days & she did just fine! She even used diaper pins the other day because she couldn't find the Snappi (WOW!). There is this thing called a Snappi that is so cool! No more diaper pins......that never would have worked for me.....I am WAY too clumsy. My poor child would have been a bloody mess. The Snappi keeps the prefolds together under the cover. And the covers are no longer "rubber pants" like they were in the past. In fact, they can be quite cute! They are now much more like disposable diapers with either velcro or snaps & come in lots of different patterns.

This isn't Sawyer either but I thought you might like to see the prefold & the Snappi (the light green thing) in action!

Oh geez.....& how did I forget the best part of modern CD'ing??? Flushable liners! They have these wonderful flushable liners that you put right on top of the prefold & if a poopy comes along, you can just pull that mess out of there with the liner & throw it all in the potty! Woohoo!

He does have a massive booty now.....looks like he's got some junk in the trunk......but I suppose I am willing to sacrifice!

Life as we know it........

2010-06-18T14:48:00.006-05:00

Well, life has just kinda been over the top lately.....honestly, it has been kicking me in the tail. I am finally feeling like I can take a breath.....so here I am trying to catch up!

For those who are not aware, I have had a VERY challenging baby for the past 8 months. If you want to read about it, I have changed the font color......if not, you can just skip over the details to what is going on in the rest of my life.

He has tested our patience, so much so that it has been torturous at times. He is a hard one to explain. I guess I can start from day one since that is when it started.

I knew he was going to be different....a challenge......after the first night in the hospital. He screamed most of the night. I thought it was possibly because my milk wasn't in & he was hungry so we tried to do a little supplementing. But the next night was the same. And the night we went home was even worse. Holding him did no good. Nothing could make him stop crying. He would eventually just give out & fall asleep.....only to wake an hour later & do the same thing all over again.

The days weren't any better but at least I wasn't trying to get sleep. I love Josh but he gets frustrated easily when he is trying to sleep & is having to console a crying baby so I didn't even ask for his help. His job was to tend to the other two. Thankfully God gave me a supernatural helping of patience for Sawyer because I might have hurt him if I had to rely on my own strength & patience.

From very early on we were trying different formulas & when that didn't work, the pedi put him on reflux meds, thinking that was the reason for all the crying. Many tried to encourage me & tell me it was colic & that it would all end soon enough. From everything I read "colic" starts somewhere around 6 weeks & ends somewhere around 6 months. Well, he has blew this out of the water.....it started on day 1 & was still going strong months later. Even in doing all of the research, I'm still not sure what colic is anyway except for a diagnosis for unexplained fussiness.

He didn't really want to take a paci but I knew I would lose my mind if I didn't have some way to quiet his screams. It was all a futile effort because it never did console him. If my other kids were screaming I could put the paci in & it would somehow help pacify them most of the time. This was never the case with Sawyer. It was more a device for me to hold in his mouth to somewhat muffle his screaming.

Basically if he was awake, he was screaming.

I was learning how to cope, but I'm not sure I was doing much more than that. It seemed that life as we had known it simply had to shut down. I had been doing some preschool stuff with Samara that I just couldn't find time for anymore. I was doing a good job at keeping up with the housework & laundry but couldn't even find the time to do that anymore. Anything I was able to do I had to figure out how to do while holding a baby.

It was really getting to me......I was not only tired of hearing the screaming & constantly having to carry a baby around as well as being completely exhausted from lack of sleep, but more than anything, the guilt of neglecting my other children was OVERWHELMING! I didn't play with them or read to them as much as I used to & it just felt wrong!

At his 6 month check-up I explained to the doctor that something had to be done. He was NEVER content, he would scream the minute I put him down, he wasn't even happy playing on the floor next to me, he wasn't sleeping, etc. Things just weren't right. He told me to add another dose of the Prevacid so that he was taking it in the morning & the evening. I didn't feel like this was the answer but I was willing to give anything a try. He also recommended that I take him to see a GI doctor.

So we took him to the GI doctor. This doctor said it sounded like he had a milk protein allergy & changed him to a ridiculously expensive formula called Elecare. Well, his reflux was twice as bad on this formula. The doctor told me to give it a full 2 weeks before deciding whether or not it was working before I gave up on it. I did that & things never got better. I switched him back to his old formula & he started sleeping much better. I was warned by a friend that the GI doctor I had taken him to originally was not a good choice & she gave me the name of a new one. So I made an appt with the new doc.

About 5 days ago Sawyer started crawling & life has been turned upside down!!!!! This is a new child! For the first time EVER I have been able to put him down & walk away without him crying. He is content for long periods of time just playing on the ground, exploring. Before this, he MIGHT give me 10, occasionally 15 minutes of peace.

If someone had told me this, I would NOT have believed them. (well, actually someone did & I did not believe her) I had heard so many times that "things will get better, just hang in there"......but nothing ever did. So I was not about to get my hopes up.

But people, this is a changed child. The difference is BEYOND amazing! I am SOOOO grateful to be able to actually play with the other kids & clean the house & do the laundry, etc. again. MAYBE, just maybe we can work on some sort of schedule now!!!!!

Because I already had the appt scheduled (& we were only on day 3 of Happy Sawyer), I decided to go ahead & take him to the new GI. I am glad that I did as I felt that he was MUCH more thorough & seemed to want to know everything about everything to make his diagnosis. Which, was......drum roll please......a high needs child. Let me just tell you that that diagnosis was very possibly my worst fear. There is no "fix" for a high needs child & it is something we will deal with, in one way or another, for the rest of his life. This was, however, what I felt like might be the issue. Thankfully high needs children are much happier when they become mobile! Hallelujah for crawling! & I know God will equip us (just as he did this time) with the tools to work through any future frustrations.

While dealing with all of this, I found out that we are pregnant with our fourth child. This was quite the surprise & I had a difficult time coming to terms with it......especially in light of the challenge #3 was bringing to our family.

BUT, I am learning to be thankful for God gifting our family with another sweet child. I know things will be absolutely chaotic for the next several years but my prayer is that my children will have such a close bond because they are so close in age.

One of my biggest fears about being pregnant again was my "high-risk pregnancy" & being put on bed-rest yet for the 4th time. This just was not an option for me considering I have 3 very small children. I did not want Mom to have to give up her life, yet again, for months while I lay in bed. When I went in for my first appt, I voiced my concern & we figured out what we thought would be a great solution. From 26 weeks on we would do an FFN test. If the test came back negative we wouldn't worry about my contractions & would just proceed as if it were a normal pregnancy. Brilliant!

UNFORTUNATELY that didn't solve my concern for my mother having to put her life on hold to help me.

When I went in for my first appt, the midwife said that she felt like I was measuring bigger than I should be so she sent me for a sono.....probably just to make sure I wasn't having twins. Everything went great, the baby looked wonderful, I was measuring a week ahead of what we had originally thought UNTIL the end of the sono when the sonographer said, "& it looks like you have placenta previa. I will need to called the office & see what their protocol is for previa." Um, OK, have no idea what that means. Well, protocol is pelvic rest! She explained that pelvic rest means no sex & no lifting over 15 lbs (as I am standing there holding 19lb Sawyer). Josh & I kinda ignored the part about me not picking up/holding Sawyer that weekend.

BUT, come Monday, Mom was at the house. She told me I needed to call the office & explain my situation & ask how strict the rest is. Ya, uh, the answer stunk. She explained that it can be very serious & the restrictions are very strict. Lovely, just lovely. That means that Mom is stuck watching Sawyer every single day.

It is very likely that when I return for my sono in a month the placenta will have migrated & they will lift the restrictions, but until then I am not allowed to lift anything over 15lbs. BOOO!!!!

Please be praying that this will correct itself quickly & that the rest of the pregnancy will be uneventful so that Mom can be relinquished of her duties.

Fire Station Tour

2010-05-20T13:40:00.005-05:00

Monday we took a trip to the Hurst Fire Station on Pipeline for a tour & to see the firetrucks. A girl from our Mom's group organized the tour & the kids really enjoyed seeing & playing on the truck!

This is their dining table. One of the firefighters made it.....aren't the fire hydrants cool??

Here is their lounge area. There are eight of everything because there are always eight of them there at one time. I was so embarrassed because Spencer acted like he was in heaven, running around like a crazy man screaming & shouting with joy as he spun the chairs around & around!

Spencer is showing Mommy the firetruck.

And the kids got a kick out of playing on the pole.

Checkin' out the truck.

Spencer thought getting in & out of the truck was so much fun. This poor firefighter was such a good sport. He got so tired of getting him in & out that he finally just picked him up & held him. For those of you wondering why I was the mother that let my kid be so annoying, it was because I was wearing Sawyer & I wasn't able to pick him up & restrain him.....not a good excuse but reality.

Spencer enjoyed playing peek-a-boo with the flag!

My cuties!

Picnic at the Park

2010-05-20T13:31:00.004-05:00

Saturday night we had a picnic at the park with some friends from our Sunday school class. We all have a kid or 3 now so these are fun events.

Sam, Amelia & Charlotte

Daddy & Spencer

Amelia & cheese ball Sam

Daddy & his kiddos

Mr. Troy was the highlight of the night......all the kids wanted to play with him.

Boy do we enjoy stuff like this.....we just don't get to do it enough anymore.

Throwin' a Fit!

2010-05-20T07:15:00.004-05:00

Captured these pics of Spence throwing a fit & thought they were priceless!

And I have to explain this next one. Here he is rarin' back to hit whatever gets in his path....usually whoever he is upset with (including Josh & I). This is like his threat pose. When he raises his arm like this Samara goes running. We are having to work on him getting that arm down! Such a little stinker!

Trinity Park Train

2010-05-18T13:57:00.004-05:00

With Daddy home & the weather nice we decided we would go do the Trinity Park train. It was a little windier than we had expected but everyone still had a great time. This is such inexpensive family fun.....love that!

On the way out there we picked up some fast food & had a little picnic in the back of the truck when we got there!
She finds a place to twirl anywhere she goes!

Daddy, Sam & Spence

Mommy & Sawyer

Mommy, Spence & Sam

The train

Fun Craft

2010-05-17T12:53:00.003-05:00

I am always on the lookout for fun, inexpensive crafts & this one was perfect.....something a little educational as well something Spencer could participate in. Here is Sam holding her fruit loop sand art.

Step 1: Sort all the colors into separate bowls.....this can be done at snack time so they can snack & sort : )

Step 2: Put the colors into Ziploc bags & crush. Of course they both loved this part.

Step 3: Get a funnel & pour crushed up fruit loops into a small jar in layers. Waalaa!

Just had to share these pics.....I thought they were super cute.
Samara holding Sawyer on the 4-wheeler.

& here she is showing him how to work it. She is such a little Mama.

They LOVE the 4-wheeler......by far THE best Christmas purchase. They ride it EVERY day! Thankfully we have a large backyard......now we just want a swing set!

Sawyer Isaac Martin

2010-05-14T02:17:00.001-05:00

So, I promised this a long time ago. I realize it is about 7 months late but better late than never, right? I do want to have this memory recorded.

I was so ready for him to be here, you might even say, more than ready....if that's possible. It seemed that I had somewhat turned life off waiting for him to get here.

After making it past the time in my pregnancy that I delivered Spencer I made a decision to just do life as normal, no longer trying every labor inducing tactic and just let him come when he was gonna come (as if there was really any other option).

Saturday we ran errands. With the cold weather coming upon us, both of our children were without winter shoes so we took a trip to Target and got them some "warm" shoes. Sam got princess shoes.....which she was so excited about! Spencer was also lacking some long jammies so we went to Babies R Us and got him a few of those as well. After running our errands we dropped the kids off at Mom & Dad's and took off to the movies for a long overdue date!

We were planning on dinner and a movie but God had a different plan! While in the movie, I kept having contractions, but that was nothing new. What was new, was the intensity with which they were coming. It seemed that they were getting stronger but I had been through this "thinking" I was starting labor so many times that I didn't get too anxious to get outta there. After several trips to empty my bladder with very little relief from the intensity of the contractions, I felt pretty confident that it was time and made Josh leave the movie. I'm sure he thought, "ugh, really? She is always having contractions, I bet this isn't even it and she made me leave the movie." Thankfully, I was right!

We left North East Mall about 6:15, headed home, finished packing my bags and packed Sam and Spence a bag to take to Mom & Dad's. Once we got the bags packed we made our way to Mom & Dad's to drop off the kids stuff and tell them that they would be staying with Nini & Papa.

We stayed there for a little over an hour playing with the kids, letting my contractions get more consistent and getting all the stuff off my camera so that I would have ample room for all of the pictures and videos we would be taking at the hospital.

After about 30 minutes of my contractions being one minute long, coming 3 minutes apart, I decided we needed to head out. It seemed that they were totally inconsistent up to this point and Mom and I were sure that they needed to be more consistent for me to head to the hospital. Besides, I had been instructed to wait until I could no longer talk or walk through my contractions & I wasn't there yet, so I was very hesitant to go. Thankfully God kicked me in the tail & pushed me out the door.

We made it to the hospital about 8:30ish. They threw me into triage; noticed my contractions were coming very quickly (about 1 1/2 minutes apart now), checked me (I was dialated to 7cm, with a paper thin cervix and a bulging sack) and decided that I needed to be moved QUICKLY to a room. She logged me into my room at 8:55.

After getting in the room she explained that things would be happening very quickly and that he would be here before I knew it. I honestly thought they were just being encouraging because I was in mucho pain.

Things were eerily quiet. Seemed like there was no one there. Didn't see a single person on the way up to L & D and then when we got there, there was only one person at the desk. Such a nice thing when you are screaming.....I mean really.....couldn't it have been loud and busy to disguise my screams somewhat? At least the screaming lasted less than 10 minutes!

After getting into the room, the nurse took off. It wasn't long before another nurse showed up to get an IV started. Only a few minutes later, another nurse made her way in and started prepping the room for the doc (got the sterile tray out and flipped the light out of the ceiling) and got the warmer all ready for baby.

(While in triage, the nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. I told her "no," so she asked if I wanted pain meds. I was not against pain meds at all and told her "yes, that would be great." Unfortunately, time would not allow me to ever receive those meds.....much less the epidural she offered)

I'm pretty sure that all of the preparation clued me into the fact that those weren't just encouraging words from the nurses, but that Sawyer would actually be arriving very soon.

I remember the nurse coming back in and me saying, "the doctor isn't going to make it, is he?" Her answer? "Oh ya, he just lives down the street.....he'll be here." .........WRONG!

She checked me again and I was dilated to 9 something cm's.

During my next contraction my water broke......which is an understatement. More like blew! With my other deliveries the doc had to break my water. This time was quite an experience. Who knew the force behind your water breaking naturally during a contraction! TMI, but I had to throw my socks away!

At this point I began seeing the fear in the nurses eyes. They quickly began coaching me and desperately trying to convince me NOT to push. Still no doc. No light on, no stirrups up, no bed broken down. One nurse sitting in front of me on the bed and the other standing next to her.

Huh! YA RIGHT people! Not pushing might be possible with an epidural......NO WAY without one! The next contraction and the nurse got in my face, trying to get me to focus, telling me how to breathe, not to push, etc. Just wasn't happening! I TRIED.....I really did.

I remember being so embarrassed that I was screaming. I didn't think I was a screamer.....don't guess you can really say what you are or aren't until you have a baby naturally. As I think back on my athletic days, I guess I was always one of those who grunted & screamed to get power. Like when you watch a tennis match and the player is grunting with every swing.....that was me. Guess this was my power scream : )

I just remember me saying, "He's coming!" and Josh was scared out of his mind, trying to get me to stop pushing. He was feeding off of the nurses who, as I'm sure they have been coached to do, were begging me to stop pushing and wait on the doctor. Just wasn't happening. I can remember looking Josh right in the eye and saying, "Chill out, everything will be fine." I probably wasn't too nice when saying that......sorry Babe.....it just hurt and I was just ready to get him outta there!

It was all happening so quickly and soon the nurse on the bed turns to the other nurse, who is still trying to get me admitted on the computer and says, "You need to get your gloves on, NOW." As she gets over there and takes a look I can remember Josh saying, "he's coming" and the nurse saying, "you've got to stop pushing for just a minute, his hand is up by his face." At this point I somehow was able to stop for a few seconds.....I suppose it was because I was afraid that I was causing the baby trauma. The next push and we had a sweet baby boy at 9:13 pm, 19 minutes after getting to our room.

One of the nurses took Sawyer and started to get him all cleaned up and checked out. The other nurse sat there with me waiting for the doctor.

It wasn't much longer and the doctor arrived. I know this sounds like a crazy thing to say but I am so blessed he wasn't there for the birth. God is so good in that way.....he knows exactly how things need to go and makes it happen.

When we discussed the birth at the doctor's office he made me feel like I was really putting him out by not having an epidural. On top of that, for convenience purposes, he really pushed for me to schedule an induction. With it being a Saturday evening, and taking into consideration those two things, it would have made for such an awkwardness.....something I did NOT need on top of the already chaotic circumstances. Thank you Lord for knowing what I need and providing!

God is so amazing in so many ways. For those who don't already know this, I had an epidural during my two previous deliveries. I was never one that felt compelled to fully experience childbirth.

For some reason (that was unknown at the time) I had a very strong desire to have this baby naturally. When asked, "Why?" I really couldn't give a good answer. It was always something like, "I don't know really, I just feel the Lord impressing it upon my heart this time.".......so vague and I always felt silly saying that. I hear people use that phrase to justify things they are doing when in fact they are just doing as they wish and I never want to be one of those people. I am very careful when I use that phrase but this time it was obviously the Lord speaking to me because I did NOT want to have this baby naturally.

I am a research freak and so I began researching natural childbirth. I suppose I thought it would hurt less if I were more prepared : ) I have a friend who delivered at a birthing center and I really thought I wanted to go that route but after checking into it I came to the realization that it just isn't smart to use a midwife with a high risk pregnancy.

I see now that all of this was to prepare me for a delivery where the decision to have an epidural was completely out of my control. There wasn't even time for them to administer pain meds through the IV, much less get an epidural. I'm pretty sure I would have completely freaked had I not prepared myself mentally for this.

I am so thankful that God gives us the ability to hear his voice even though it is not an audible one!

The Stinkin' Heater

2010-03-26T09:47:00.010-05:00

Well, we have been without heat for almost 2 weeks now. We were doing OK for the first 5 days or so.....it was only getting down to about 62 degrees at night although I wasn't getting much done because I just wanted to stay curled up on the couch covered in a blanket all day.....but we were definitely surviving.

Thank you Texas for totally messing that up! It started getting cooler, & even ended up SNOWING. I knew we weren't going to be able to stay there any longer when I saw that in the forecast. So last Wednesday we went & invaded Mom & Dad's. What an ordeal! You wouldn't believe how much junk you need!

Here is the crew watching TV on the air mattress one morning.

It is such a blessing to have family close. I know they get tired of us at times but really, we are so grateful!

We were/are trying to save money so that's why this is taking so long. First I had to wait on Josh to get home to see what the problem was. Then once he figured it out we had to wait on the part to come in. Once we got the part in, he put it on & there was ANOTHER error code. We now are waiting for that part(should be in today). Josh should be home this evening to hopefully put it on. Praying this will fix the problem & we can GO HOME!

Staying at my parents has been interesting! S3 is back to crying all the time so that has been especially fun for them! The big kids are sharing a room so that has brought about some challenges itself. & most of all we are making an enormous mess of their house! It has been a huge blessing to have somewhere to go but we are all tired & ready to be home!

This is so annoying.....I can NOT get this picture to be upright in blogger.....it is fine in my picture manager.....grr.....oh well, you get the idea.......

& another one for ya.....

Thank you Mom& Dad for putting up with the incessant screaming & crying! I know it can be maddening!

There are benefits to staying at grandma & grandpa's......like M&M's & Oreos! It has also been nice to have an extra hand at times!

Here are S1 & S2 playing together......I just love this picture!

Finally Introducing S3

2010-03-23T04:47:00.008-05:00

How about starting this out by introducing the newest Martin family member,

He was born October 10 & weighed a whoppin' 6lbs 14oz. Thank you Lord for allowing me to carry small babies! I have friends who birth toddlers.....ummmm, no thank you!

He is the smilin'est, crankiest, Momma's boy in the whole world! He came out crying & really hasn't stopped. He is either smiling all over or screaming & crying.......quite the character! In fact he will even smile right in the middle of a tantrum!

(See, I told you he screams)

His sister loves him to pieces. She adored him from the minute she set eyes on him! She says, "I love you Saywer." "I love you too." How can you not love someone when you get to decide everything they say? It is so funny when she does that.

Spencer pretty much just ignored him for the first 4 months. Just recently has he started to take interest. He isn't near as interested as Sam but I think he will really enjoy him once he gets movin'.

Everyone thought he looked just like S1 for a long time but he is beginning to take on his own look. His personality is definitely more like S1 than S2. He is a pretty good night sleeper & a terrible day sleeper (could have something to do with the noise level in the house during the day). He hasn't gotten into any schedule yet which is just annoying. He likes to be entertained constantly. He has the sweetest most amazing smile that just moves throughout his entire body.

S3 has no doubt been the most challenging baby but he is still such an amazing joy! We are so blessed!

Here he is now!
5 months old

And here is just a glimpse of him smiling all over! It is precious!

More on the other two later......they are getting so stinkin' big!

Determined

2010-03-22T20:42:00.003-05:00

So....we had an extended day at Mom's Touch this morning. One of my Mom friends was teaching another about the ins & outs of blogging. We got to talking about it & I realized how sad I am that I have missed so much of the kids lives over the past few months by not blogging.

I am determined to get back to blogging. I know that I had several people following the blog but more important than that, it is such a wonderful record of the kids lives. I remember nothing & this has been a place to record those things that I am certain the kids would want to know one day down the road.

Kimberly mentioned that I never finished my story (thanks for the reminder). I am sorry for leaving you hanging. I promise to finish my story over the course of the next several months.

I also mentioned that I had written Sawyer's birth story but it was obviously too late to post. Leslie assured me that it is not too late. She reminded me that it is about having the record.....not always about pleasing the readers. So....you will also likely see Sawyer's birth story showing up in the near future.

God Makes Me Able

2010-02-25T15:08:00.003-06:00

After writing my last post about not being SuperMom, I started feeling a bit guilty. That was a bad day & I was just feeling so overwhelmed at the thought of living up to the title that some had so gracefully molded me into.

I wanted to redeem my words by saying that everything I do, I do because God loves me and has equipped me to do the job He has guided me into. I don't want to take away from God's greatness by claiming that I am a horrible mother. God put me in the place I am in & God has given me the tools I need to succeed at that job. Sometimes I fail miserably at using those tools.....which is when I end up frustrated like I was the other day.

BUT, thankfully God has even given me tools for when I fail to use the tools he has given me for the job (hehe) : ) He has given me an incredibly amazing group of friends. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by wonderful, adorable, God fearing women (& men for that matter.....my husband is my VERY best friend.....don't know what I'd do without him).

I don't ever want to forget that everything we do or don't do effects someone else in some way. Those who choose to encourage me when I am down make a huge difference. On the same note.....if there was no one to encourage me (& I have walked this road as well), life becomes pretty difficult & lonely. Don't ever give up a chance to make a difference in someones life.

Also, don't ever take away from God the glory he has in shining through the gifts he has given you. There is a fine line between humility & pride when it comes to acknowledging the gifts he has equipped you with. I think many times I cross that line of humility into the land of pride. When I should be saying, "Thank you, to God be the glory," many times my answer is, "Ya right, your crazy.....I'm not anything special." This is a form of pride that many fail to recognize. When I do not feel worthy of the compliments I am given, my mind should immediately run to God. I should be completely aware that when I am receiving those compliments that people are seeing God working through me & I should acknowledge his goodness, rather than sweeping the compliments away. I am totally weak & incapable without God.....these compliments should just remind me that God is THAT good & that he loves me enough to provide for me!

A Not-So-Super SuperMom

2010-02-03T14:37:00.003-06:00

I would like to make a public announcement: I am not SuperMom! For those who could be accused of calling me such, I would like to give you a little dose of reality. Let's take the past 24 hours as an example......oh & let's add the night before since it is so glamorous as well.

First off.....Sam has been completely potty trained for over a year now. In the past week she has started peeing on the floor.

Night before last: Bathed the kids.....I do all three at the same time. As we got out, Sawyer was screaming so I was trying to tend to him & get him dressed while the other two ran around the house naked. Sam screams, "I'm dooone," which means she needs me to wipe her behind. While I am doing so she says, "I pooped on the floor." To which I reply, "I really hope your kidding." "Nope, I did it in your room." So I go check & can't find anything. "Where Sami?" As Madi walks by licking her lips Sam says, "I can't find it Mommy!" GAG! So I went looking for the carpet cleaner & returned to my room to find Spencer standing there playing in poop. He too pooped on my floor. It's fair to say that I was frustrated.

Not long after I got all that cleaned up & got them dressed I heard Spencer screaming. I went looking for him & found him in my shower slipping & sliding, not able to stand up & get out. Both kids had apparently gotten in our shower & squeezed out all the bottles of lotion & shampoo. Another change of clothes & it is time for them to go to bed.

A funny side note......After I got them down I went into the kitchen to clean up & do some things before bed. I went off to bed & as I got to my room I found Spencer asleep in the playpen next to my bed, which I have set up for Sawyer's naps. After putting him back to bed I went to check on Sam. She had pulled her pillow & covers off her bed & into her closet & was asleep in there!

So happy to finally be spending some time with the Lord & going to sleep!

OK, fast forward to yesterday...... Sawyer woke up at 4:45 wanting to eat which is just late enough that Spencer will wake before Sawyer goes back to sleep. Spencer woke at 6:15 & Sam about 6:30. Nothing special on the agenda for the day.....just hanging out hoping to get some housework done. I noticed early on that Sawyer was starting to get cranky & wouldn't eat or sleep very well. I was having to hold him constantly but that wasn't enough, I also had to be STANDING.....he must have a tummy ache or something. Makes for a long frustrating day. Tuesday nights are the only nights I watch TV.....The Biggest Loser. I put the kids in my room to watch a movie & to get a little peace & watch my show.

I went to check on them periodically & the last time I went in I noticed Sam tossing wipes in the air. "What are you doing Samara?" "Oh, I just changed Bubby's diaper. He had on a poopy." I seriously thought she was kidding. We have been having trouble with her taking his diaper off because "he tee tee'd in it" so I was not happy with her. I really thought she was "pretending" but then I saw his naked booty. I still thought she was pretending about it being poopy until I went to pick up the diaper. WOW! Oh, I was so irritated. I sent her off to bed for the night. When I went back in a few short minutes to put a diaper on her she informed me that she had just peed on one of her toys. Can I please wave the white flag?????

I finally crashed around 10. Some time after that I vaguely remember Sam coming in asking if she could sleep in my room & me telling her to go to bed. About 12:45 I was awakened by Sawyer's cries.... I can't recall the last time he woke up in the middle of the night. As I went to get him I realized that Sam had crawled up into our bed & gone to sleep anyway. I couldn't get Sawyer to calm down & go back to sleep so I tried to feed him. While he was screaming he woke Spencer but by the time he came into our room I was already feeding Sawyer so I couldn't put Spence back to bed. I threw him up into our bed & he fell asleep. I got Sawyer fed, changed & back to sleep in the playpen next to the bed. That means all 3 kiddos in my room by 1 am. Lovely. Sawyer woke again about 5. He woke Samara in the process & she had no desire to go back to sleep. Spencer woke at 5:30. Another early morning & no relief from Sawyer's crankiness or Samara peeing on the floor. I woke up in a bad mood & it has just made the day a great challenge.

I try to rest in the Lord & find strength in Him to flourish as a Mother but sometimes I seem only to find enough strength to simply survive this overwhelming season.

I am not SuperMom!

Being a SuperMom is glamorous. A SuperMom does not get overwhelmed by the everyday circumstances of life. A SuperMom does not feel like her life is always a bit chaotic. A SuperMom does not get frustrated & lose her temper. A SuperMom has a tidy home. A SuperMom would not be selfish & would never gripe about the wonderful job God has provided for her husband. A SuperMom has her children under complete control. A SuperMom wouldn't put her kids in her bed to watch a movie to get a little peace & to watch TV. A SuperMom would run all her errands with all 3 kids. A SuperMom can give all her children all the attention they need. A SuperMom does more than just survive. A SuperMom would never want to give up!

I AM NOT SUPERMOM!

A Whole Lotta Nothin'!

2009-09-01T20:02:00.004-05:00

Not much going on in the Martin household. I haven't wanted to bore you too badly so I have debated about what to post time and again. As you can see, my indecisiveness has resulted in NO action.

I know it's been almost a month since my last post but REALLY, not much to tell you. I see the same thing day in and day out and there isn't much to share. In fact, my poor camera has been so neglected because of this.....who likes a post with no pictures????

The latest on the pregnancy...... I went back to the hospital for another couple of days......this time with a pretty good outcome. My cervix looked like it was stable. They sent me home. My doc appointment last week went well. My cervix was still stable. Strangely I had been monitoring 10-12 contractions per hour pretty consistently......which in turn kept me monitoring for most of the day and well into the night. Annoying. The doc didn't seem too concerned about the high numbers since my cervix wasn't showing any change. This has been a blessing and a curse rolled into one......

I am SO thankful that my body is doing well and that the baby seems safe for the time being. On the other hand, knowing that all these contractions aren't doing anything makes me feel like I am doing the pump, the medicine, the monitoring and the bed rest for no reason. This makes it SO hard to stay down. I was doing really well about staying in bed before I found out that these contractions weren't causing me to progress......now, not so good. As the doc said, we never know when they will start to cause changes so we still need to be very careful......but BOY is that hard.

So many people have asked me what I am doing while confined to my bed. Well, lets see.....

-Playing with the kids......they are still here and they still like my attention occasionally..... I am good for reading to them at least......and of course some serious lovin' : )
- I have worked hard on getting my Home Management Binder all organized and purty! I'm pretty excited about this one even though it officially makes me a big huge dork! (I will try to get some pictures up and more details about it)
- I have gotten a TON of little girl clothes input, hung and tagged to sell in an upcoming consignment show called Just Between Friends.
- I have spent a lot of time on the internet..... oh boy......this one is one I should be a little ashamed of. I can get LOST in blogland. So many great sewing, decorating, ideas for fun stuff to do with kids, Christian encouragement, etc. blogs out there that I have to stop myself sometimes. I have also done a lot of research on different things.
- I finally got all of our FSA stuff in order(which was a SERIOUS chore) and faxed off and am now awaiting over $700 back! Woohoo!
- I have done a few little crafty things......made some pretty cute clips for Sam.
- I have been making some activities for Sam on photoshop that I will share will ya'll soon if I can figure out a way to do so.
- And a little recreational novel reading that I don't normally get to do.

That about covers it.....my life is pretty boring right now! I wish I had something interesting to tell you but.....I don't!

My Little Hospital Visit!

2009-08-05T20:45:00.004-05:00

OK, so last week when I went to the doctor he told me that he would like for me to change to the terbutaline pump since I was still having contractions. When he saw that my cervix hadn't changed, he told me that I could just call him if the contractions continued and we would deal with it then.

The contractions continued.

When Mom came over yesterday she asked how the contractions were and when I told her that they weren't any better, she convinced me to call the doctor. His response was NOT what I was expecting! I really expected that he would just send someone out to set up the pump. Instead he sent me to the hospital.

I got to the hospital about 12:30. They put me on the monitor and saw that I was having 7-8 contractions every 30 minutes and thought that was too many. They also checked me and noticed I was dilated to a 1. They aren't too concerned about the dilation because the doc says that some women are just that way. (I am probably one of those women considering I have been dilated to a 4-5 by the time I went in to deliver with my previous pregnancies). Regardless, they weren't happy with the contractions.

The doc recommended that I have the terb pump set up at the hospital. The company that does the pumps was taking forever and my contractions weren't getting any better so the doc ordered a terb shot and 23 hours of observation. Ugh....that meant a nights stay at the hospital.

We found out this morning that my insurance company denied the pump. The doc was not satisfied with that response so he did a sono. The sono showed funneling in my cervix, which in turn means that my cervix has shortened and he also saw a contraction. He documented these things, printed out pictures and resubmitted the request for the pump to the insurance company.

We are still waiting for the response......which means another night in the hospital! POO!

Mom has had the kids and thankfully J will be home late tonight.

Praying that the insurance will approve the pump, they will get it set up and I will get out of here tomorrow! In the meantime I am taking the terbutaline orally and spending a lot of time reading! (and starving......the food is HORRIBLE)

Thank you to everyone who is helping out and praying for us!

A Fun Weekend!

2009-08-05T19:54:00.006-05:00

Well, after Spencer would NOT go to sleep because of his excitement over the new chair, we decided to get the kids outside to play in the water and the sandbox. Of course they had a wonderful time. Sam really loves to play in the water......Spencer, not so much. He enjoys the sandbox and just exploring!

Daddy spraying Sam! Sam thinks he is SOOO funny!

Spencer enjoying a little snack. Ugh....isn't that gross? Eating sand is just nasty. He seemed to enjoy it though.....he did it more than once! What a goof!
And even though this picture is horrible of me, I just had to share. It is classic Sam. I said, "I'm taking a picture, SMILE!" and this is what I ended up with. She was not upset at all.....she is just a stinker. The girl is so full of drama.....I will be surprised if she doesn't end up making it her career : )
And here is my Little Man after a little fun in the backyard : )

Saturday morning it was raining so we thought we would go outside and watch the rain. I was actually really surprised when Spencer just walked right out into it and played. Of course Sam wanted to get out there after that! How much fun! I remember playing in the rain as a kid and I LOVED it.....probably because it was so "crazy" and I felt free!

Isn't this so sweet? She was taking care of her little brother!

Don't you just love the plumber pants : )

And here are the kids saying "hi" to me! I was trying to be good and resting inside, watching them through the window.

I love these kids! Even though I was stuck resting, I still enjoyed the weekend!

The Chair

2009-08-01T16:36:00.005-05:00

When Spencer turned 1 (June 23) there wasn't anything we could think of to get him so my Mom just got him a visa gift card. We figured there would be something he would want soon enough. We finally decided on something and got it this weekend.

When he was staying at Dawn's, he loved to play in Connor's little upholstered chair. Sam has an Elmo chair at the house that he never seemed interested in......until recently. For the past week or so they have been fighting over who gets to sit in that chair so we figured it was time to get him one of his own.

Babies 'R Us was having a big sale so we went yesterday and got him a little upholstered "Cars" chair. We figured picking out another red chair would limit the fighting over who got what chair.

When we got home, it was time for a nap but my napper was NOT interested. He was SO excited about his new chair. He just kept going over and sitting down in it. It was so cute!

Here it is fresh out of the bag (of course Sam had to put hers right next to his and sit with him)

And here is Sissy showing him the cool car on the back!

And here he is being so proud! (I was so upset that this one turned out blurry)

And for those of you who are asking why I was out running errands........we just went in, got the chair and left. :)

The Big Helper

2009-07-31T15:30:00.005-05:00

So, we decided that we would switch the kids rooms since Sam's room is so much bigger and the boys will be sharing a room. Sam was soooo excited to pick out the color of her new room and help Nini paint! Here is her hard work! She was so proud of herself and when she finished she said, "Daddy will be so happy!" That girl loves her Daddy!

As you can see, she chose a light aqua color which is not all that much different from what she had in her other room : ) When we switched the rooms, we put her bed up on rails and attached the headboard. (pictures to come) We originally put the mattress on the floor so that she wouldn't have far to fall if she rolled out but now that she is bigger we thought it would be nice for her to have a BIG big girl bed. She loves it.

And FYI for anyone painting in the near future.....the Behr Premium Plus, which is the primer and paint in one, is AWESOME. We were painting over the intense green and a black stripe and it only took one coat. Wow!

Big Boy Haircut!

2009-07-31T10:44:00.003-05:00

My Little Man got a big boy haircut. It's crazy how grown up he looks now. He did pretty good for his first time. They put on the movie "Cars" and he was glued to the TV. The clippers bothered him a couple of times but he did really well and we were outta there quickly!

BEFORE

AFTER

I took him to Cool Cuts 4 Kids. I'm glad I took him there for the first time since she was accustomed to working with kiddos and was super quick and patient but I won't be going back. They are ridiculously expensive and dirty.

Here is his only little freak-out! (isn't it cute)

2009-07-22T15:23:00.000-05:00

overly tired = defiant

SAVE ME!

She Makes Me Laugh

2009-07-21T11:15:00.006-05:00

Seriously.......Sam cracks me up. The things kids say are just great. This is also a little bragging so just know that going in...... I AM one of THOSE Mom's who thinks their kid hung the moon.

So, we were playing with her Aquadoodle. She told me she was going to draw a fish and this is what she drew. I was quite impressed. I realize it's no Picasso but for a 2 year old......pretty impressive.

(grrrr..... I don't know why but every time I upload this pic it turns it sideways)

After that she wanted me to sit and draw with her. I drew a smiley face and showed her how to do it. Here is her smiley face......pretty cute, huh!

So, THEN I drew a house. She wanted to draw it so bad but she was having a REALLY hard time. So, in my very teacherish manner I proceeded to do a dotted line house that she could trace because she usually really likes to trace. I thought that was brilliant.

Apparently she did not.

I was trying to tell her to trace the dots and she was "busy" drawing something else. So, I tried to take her hand and show her how to trace it. She pulled away and told me she was drawing something else. I guess I am a little persistent because I tried once AGAIN to tell her to trace it. Of course, she continued to ignore me so I said, "Why are you being ugly to me?" and her answer......... "I'm not hearing you!"...........WOW! I laughed out loud on that one. Just thinking about what she was thinking and hearing her so serious tell me that was just funny.

And because I am a Mom, I had to explain to her that she was in fact hearing me and what she was doing was called IGNORING.

And the story behind the next pic. I drew the large sun and then she asked me to draw the small sun. She said, "Mommy & Daddy." I asked her which was which and she said the big one was Daddy & the small one was Mommy. This is just funny because she is always saying, "I'm big like Daddy & Spencer is small like Mommy."

I really don't know what to make of this but she says it all the time! (Guess I should enjoy that I am small in her mind)

The Reward

2009-07-17T16:45:00.003-05:00

So, we have implemented something new in the Martin household. It's the reward jar......it's equivalent to a reward chart w/ stickers.......I guess I am just more artsy fartsy than I am teacherish and so I had to do something different!

It works like this: I got a small glass jar and a bunch of pretty glass stones. When Sam does something good, she gets a stone. When the jar gets full, she gets a big prize (as opposed to a bunch of little junky stuff each time she does something good) She gets stones for a variety of things but I wanted it to promote independence, character and initiative for doing things.

At what point do you quit telling your child to say "thank you", "share with your brother" or "pick up your toys"? It isn't as if they don't know they need to do these things, they are just hoping to get away with NOT doing them. I was hoping for some positive reinforcement for positive behaviours. So far it has worked beautifully......BUT I must say that Sami is a natural people pleaser so this is right up her alley......don't know that this would work for all the little guys.

So back to what she gets stones for.......here is a small list of things she has actually gotten stones for......

putting away her toys w/o me asking
sharing with her brother w/o me asking
taking a nap w/o a fight
putting the silverware away
putting her laundry away
being a good girl at the store
watching/entertaining her brother while I need to do something
small but important stuff that makes my heart smile because she is such a great kid (character issues)

Sooooo, all this to tell you that she got her jar filled up and received her first reward today. She LOVED it. Her cousins are in town and my Mom was taking them to NRH2O, so we decided that would be a perfect prize. She is hesitant of water but she really warmed up and ended up doing really great and having a fantastic time. She went down slides, played on all the cool kid stuff and swam in the wave pool. It was a wonderful day!

Here are a few pictures.......

Sam & her cousin Parker

Sam & I going down the slide (we are on the left)

Daddy & Spencer

Sam hasn't been to NRH2O since she was less than a year old so she doesn't even remember it. I'm sure we will be going back. Spencer did pretty good. He just got REALLY tired and was fuss talking when we left.......I think his ears are still bothering him.

OH, and that brings up a good question........how do you reward one child w/o rewarding the other? or do you just let them both enjoy it? this isn't so much an issue now but it will be as Spencer gets to the age to do his own reward jar(and I could be wrong in my predictions but I have a feeling that his is going to fill up MUCH slower than hers).

Well, the fam is still zonked from the trip.......hoping they will wake soon.....getting close to bedtime.

A First

2009-07-09T14:12:00.002-05:00

Ha! We just got back from the play area at NE Mall. Due to Spencer being sick, we haven't been out of the house in several days and Sam was just about to lose all civility. I decided it was time to take action since Spencer's temp had been gone for over 24 hrs.

It was so stinkin' cute. This was the first time we have been since Spencer has been walking so this is the first time he has gotten to play. It was precious! He was in heaven. There were 8 billion people there but he just thought it was great. He would take a few steps and then just watch everyone, move a little and then just watch everyone. He was mesmerized! He would just laugh and squeal in excitement. It was hilarious.

And Sam was soooo sweet. She is the greatest big sister in the world. She was so concerned about him. She made sure he was doing good, would go play a little and then find him again to make sure he was ok. I don't know how many times she came over to me and asked me where Bubby was. She didn't have to watch out for him......I never asked her to do that. She is just a little mother hen. I'm sure it will drive the boys crazy as they all get older but I think it is sweet that she cares so much.

I am so blessed!

The 3rd Pregnancy.....

2009-07-08T09:54:00.004-05:00

doesn't exist. Maybe it's just because my kids are so close but I don't have time to think about being pregnant!

For those of you who don't know this, I HATED being pregnant with the other 2...... like, despised it.......couldn't wait for the day I could get those kiddos outta there. Why?

1) there are too many things that happen to your body that are just flat uncomfortable (some unmentionables, some things like feet in your ribs)
2) your emotions are just RIDICULOUS
3) you get fat
4) nothing you wear looks cute and when you get really big, nothing is long enough to cover your protruding belly
5) you are TIRED.....all the stinkin' time
6) but you really can't sleep because you're either uncomfortable or HOT
7) and most of all for me it is because they are invading MY SPACE!!!!

All of that said, I have actually been able to enjoy this pregnancy because

1) you aren't sure if the things that are so uncomfortable are just leftovers from the last pregnancies
2) well, the emotions are still annoying
3) now you have an excuse for the fat you already had
4) nothing you wore before the pregnancy was cute anyway because you used all that money on making sure your kids look cute
5) you're already tired all the time from the other 2 kids
6) but you can't really sleep anyway since they don't sleep through the night or take up half of your bed
7) space? what space? toddlers just don't understand the concept of space.

and there you have it.

So much to say

2009-06-30T10:54:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been so long I don't really know what to say because there is so much that has happened. I want to tell you some of the things I learned being a working Mom but that is for another post entirely.

Spencer turned 1! My baby boy.......the very reason this blog ever started, is ONE! I can't believe it! He started walking at about 11 months so he is really getting around good now! We had a GREAT birthday party for him......I will share some of those pictures soon.

I found out I am pregnant again! Samara turns 3 in September and the baby is due October 18th! That means a 3 yr old girl, a one year old boy and a newborn baby boy! Wow! This blog just might get REAL interesting come October. We are excited it is another boy. Not sure we could have handled the drama another girl would have brought! Samara likes being the Princess and I'm not sure how she would do sharing that title : )

My brother graduated from basic training and now he and his family have moved to Kentucky! We are sad! Sam and Balin loved playing together.

The pregnancy thing means we will be having to make some changes. Well, the first already happened and that was quitting work. We will most likely have to sell our car and get something a little bigger. And we will have to change the kids rooms around (NOT looking forward to this one) I figure it would be more appropriate for the boys to share and right now Samara is in the larger room. Right now Spencer's room is lime green and black......probably not gonna fly with my girlie girl!

Spencer loved staying at Ms. Dawn's. Conner says that Spencer is his best friend! It is SOOO cute! Sam got jealous when she heard Conner say that so now they fight about whose best friend he is. I know we will look forward to our playdates with the Younger's!

Alrighty.......I'm sure I'm forgetting something but that's all I can think of right now. I'm thinking it's going to take me a few posts to get back into the swing of things! Excited to be back!

Here are a few pictures I took the other day while we were playing outside.....

Isn't this so sweet! Sam is really good about playing with Spencer and helping him!

I'M BAAACCKK!

2009-06-17T13:19:00.002-05:00

Ok, not yet, but I will be soon!

My last day at work will be the 26th of this month! I can't wait to be home with my kiddos again. I have really missed blogging and having those memories preserved, so I will be jumping back on here once I get settled back into the being at home routine.

Can't wait.....the kids are getting so big and so much has happened!

Our first week!

2009-02-16T15:42:00.003-06:00

Hey everybody!

The first week of work went great! I really enjoy the job and my coworkers have been so great. I feel right at home already!

I haven't had a chance to update the blog because I don't spend near as much time on the computer that I once did. When I get home from work I just want to hang out with the kids and many nights don't even open the computer......I'm sure you understand.

Life is quite different as a working Mom of 2.

Sam LOVES LOVES LOVES her school and new friends. She is so precious......praying and thanking God for her new friends and new school! She even wanted to go this weekend. I really think she was getting bored at home all day, every day. She LOVES to learn and this is giving her an opportunity to learn and play all day long! I think she will probably HATE staying home with me if I ever get that chance again. : (

It was so cute getting her valentine's and little goodies for and from all her classmates! Soooo caaauuute! They had a little party Friday morning......how fun!

I LOVE picking her up......it brings such joy to see her so excited to see me and excited to tell me all about her day on the car ride home. I get so many sugars on the way outta that Preschool that those people probably think I'm crazy ; )

Spencer was sick all of last week. He had upper respiratory stuff, an ear infection and at the end of the week came down with some funky rash. Poor guy. Things seem like they are getting better on that end!

Spencer is not being very nice to Dawn......only sleeping in 30 minute increments. Please be praying that he can settle into a routine over there. He seems to be doing fine at Angel Land......sleeping good for them......little stinker!

We are all adjusting nicely.......THANK YOU to everyone who prayed.......we could not have done this without you! I really do have the best friends and I am so grateful everyday for you!

I realized while scanning the blog that it has been a while since I have posted any pics......I will try to do that soon! Spencer is getting so big. Josh dressed him yesterday while Sam and I were at church and when I checked the size on the outfit he was wearing it said 24 months! AAAHHH! The kid is BIG! I can't believe how fast he is growing! He is such a sweet soul......he loves to give kisses and this Momma loves to take them : )

Please pray that my heart can continue to be at peace about our new situation!

A little better!

2009-02-05T14:30:00.003-06:00

Well, the week hasn't seemed to get a whole lot better but my attidude certainly has : )

Tuesday and Wednesday Sam stayed home with me because she wasn't feeling well. Today was her first day back and she seemed excited to be going to school and playing with her new friends. Unprovoked by me, she prayed for and thanked God for her new friends all this week! Hopefully I will find a happy child when I pick her up!

Yesterday, I wasn't able to keep my eyes open, my head was pounding, I kept getting the chills and just felt YUCKY! Ya, I'm pretty sure I've got the flu! Thank goodness for WONDERFUL kids who basically kept themselves entertained all day! Mom came and stayed last night to get the kids a bath and feed Spence in the middle of the night! Thanks Mom!

My grandpa is home from the hospital.....YAY!

I am officially starting work on Monday!

What a crappy day!

2009-02-02T19:51:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the verbage but, truth be told, that is stating it lightly!

I'm allowed a bad day! Tell me everyday should be a great one because I know the Lord and I will tell you I don't believe it! He asks us to praise Him always and that I can do because guess what, He is still good.....but the day still stinks!

a) Taking Sam to school today was just hard......that's really all I know to say. She did great for those of you who are wondering.......it wasn't that.

b) I got word today that I likely won't start work until next week. A little frustrating considering I am paying for childcare but not getting paid! On top of that, I am just ready to get the show on the road......I am not a real patient gal.

c) My brother sent my parents a letter and it broke my heart. I don't care that tons of other men have gone through all the military mess; this time it's my brother and I don't like it. I hate more than anything for people to be demeaning......bullies. And that's what the military prides themselves on, at least during basic training! I really dislike it! On top of that, most choose to enter at a young age; before having a family.......what a difference that must make.

Matt has never been one to naturally respect authority (runs in the family, BTW) so I'm pretty sure he has had a bumpier ride than some of the others during his stay. He says he gets yelled at alot and does lots of push-ups. In addition he only gets 4-6 hours of sleep, 30 second showers and 2-5 minutes to eat. I mean, seriously......that's just ridiculous! Grrr.....whatever.....just gets me fired up thinking about it. I don't think I would be a very good candidate for the military, huh?

d) My grandpa has been in the hospital for very painful cellulitis in his leg since Wednesday. The surgeon came today and decided he could lance it bedside (make an incision and drain it). He thought the incision was going to be small but it ended up being about 6 inches. The nurse said he could still feel the procedure, despite the local anesthetic. Didn't go quite as planned. Ugh, that stinks!

e) While the procedure on my Grandpa was being performed, my Grandmother was at the neurologist with my Mother, getting a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. Wow.....that is not an easy one to swallow! What a sad, sad disease. My heart is broken.

Yes, I am well aware that those "bad" things pale in comparison to what others are dealing with. In my reality though.......the convergence of these events made for a pretty yucky day!

Sometimes life is like dirty shoes.......stinky but not unbearable.

Change

2009-01-31T21:38:00.004-06:00

Well, nothing is officially different at this point but things just aren't the same. Being a working Mom of two is going to be a change. If you don't know me well, you might not know that I have a difficult time with change. It's true. I like routine; to know what lies ahead. The prospective is daunting!

Because I serve a good and mighty God who loves me, I know that everything will be OK! (unfortunately that doesn't make it easy)

I will most likely be returning to work on Wednesday. I am working the front desk at the Grapevine Pain Center. I think I am going to really enjoy my job and my co-workers seem like they are WONDERFUL; so I am excited about that!

I honestly don't think I can put into words what the past two weeks have been like for me emotionally. It has been a whirlwind of getting things in order and preparing my heart for letting my children go.

You might say that things have been overwhelming and stressful for this stay-at-home-mom. I have had to jump through all the hoops to get the paperwork and junk done for the position so that it would be ready ASAP and I can get started. I have had to find affordable childcare for both of the kiddos, which has been no small feat. After finding the childcare, I have had to gather all the things the kiddos will need and get through all the childcare paperwork, immunization records....blah blah blah.

I am only beginning to get a feel for this working Mom of two mess.

Life is about to be very different. I HATE to feel rushed and I am beginning to get a glimpse of the rush of the mornings.....trying to get myself and two kiddos ready for the day, to leave the house by 6:45....wowzer! This will be a DRASTIC change. Josh isn't home to help so I will have to be extremely organized and prepare well the night before to make it out on time!

This is going to a big change for Josh as well. He is accustomed to us being home any time he is. If he gets home early, we are there. If leaves later on Monday, we are there. He has really enjoyed being able to be home with the kids when he has spare time. We also would take the occasional spontaneous trip with him, but that will be no more. I think this will take some adjusting for all of us.

We found what we think is going to be an AWESOME solution to our childcare! This has most certainly been the stressful, overwhelming and emotional part of the whole adventure. Having been home with Samara for 2 1/2 years has caused me to feel as if I am abandoning her (more on that in a bit) and I wasn't willing to settle (plus I knew that God had a PERFECT solution). We are sending Samara to Preschool Enrichment (PSE) in North Richland Hills. The other options were either way out of our price range or just plain depressing. PSE is a preschool that is founded on Christian principles. They start the day with God, end the day with God and worship Him through song and study throughout the day! So exciting that they can intertwine God and solid education. This Preschool came highly recommended and we feel SUPER comfortable with it! (BTW, thank you so much to all who recommended somewhere or someone......I know we are all in this together as mothers and I couldn't do this without my AWESOME friends.....thank you sisters!)

Unfortunately they don't take children until they are walking! Welllll, that left Spence unattended to. I had to come up with an alternative because we really felt that God led us to PSE for Samara. There was an in-home care not 5 minutes from PSE that I looked into but the more I thought through the that, the less peace I felt. Because it would only be approximately 5 months before Spence could move to PSE, I felt lead to ask Dawn if she would keep Spence until then. God is so good. She had already been praying about it and I hadn't even asked her yet. She gave it some more thought and prayer and discussed it with Cole and agreed to watch him! Hallelujah!

I could not feel more comfortable with someone watching my little guy. Dawn and I have so many of the same parenting philosophies and everything just feels right. This may sound stupid to some of you but I was so worried about him not being rocked to sleep. From day 1 I have rocked him to sleep. It was a conscious decision I made. I love that time I have with my kiddos. Weening him from that in a matter of days was looking pretty impossible. Dawn will rock him to sleep! YIPEE! Seriously......that may sound petty to you but I know that taking that away from him and his mother all at the same time would have to hurt his heart, which in turn would have broken mine! She already loves the little guy to pieces and that means more than ANYTHING else! Thank you Dawn.....I know you are sacrificing alot but it makes my heart smile!

So, now it's just a matter of transitioning the kiddos to the their new environment and me to a new way of life.

I worry about so many things.......

Will Sam think that I don't love her and that's why I am sending her away?
Will Samara and I and Spencer and I still have a wonderful relationship?
Will the kids still become best buds even though they aren't around each other all day?
Will Spencer suffer emotionally because his mother isn't there for him at such an important time in his life?
Will the people at the preschool make Samara feel loved?
How will it make Sam feel when she gets in trouble there for things that I allowed her to do at home?
Will she feel like a bad kid if she is constantly being corrected because she isn't following their rules?
How will she adjust to eating, drinking, pottying, and sleeping completely different than she has done for the past 2 1/2 years?
When she throws a fit, will they understand that she is just hurting or will they be annoyed and just label her as a bad kid?
Will they see what a wonderful heart she has or will they just see her as another kid that won't follow the rules?
Will they enjoy and laugh at her little quirks....or will they just annoy them?
Will they see her gifts and pursue them or will she be just another kid that stands in line and learns the ABC's?
Will there be someone to cuddle with her if she just needs a little lovin'.......or is it going to be strictly about learning and following rules?
Will she get to play with her friends or just learn alongside them?

I honestly feel like her life is going to be turned upside down and I am the cause of the hurt and pain that it will accompany it! It breaks my heart. I can't even sit here and write this without tears streaming down my face!

I want her to LOVE it. I want her to want to go back everyday. I want her to be excited about learning and playing with her friends. I want her to be happy!

There are so many other questions. Are these unreasonable thoughts/questions? Am I just a freak? Am I one of those Moms?

This is very possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I honestly feel like this is what God wants for us and I know that His plan is perfect. I am pretty sure this is one of the only times, if not THE only time that I have had zero control over my emotions. When we went to visit the preschool for the second time, I couldn't seem to get it together......so unlike me. I do NOT like to cry in front of others so to not be able to get ahold of myself in front of STRANGERS what quite embarrassing. Thankfully the staff understands because they too are also mothers!

I realize this may all seem a bit dramatic to some of you but this is how I feel.

Please pray for the transition!

I Reagan take you Josh........

2009-01-23T15:29:00.006-06:00

Just thought you all might enjoy a good laugh!

Yes, I realize the quality is HORRIBLE......I can already hear the disbelief from my children 20 years from now. It is still on VHS. I desperately need to have it transferred to a DVD. (This is a video of the TV screen......how do ya like that!)

I just dug the VHS player and kid movies back out. I figured that would be all this ancient TV would be good for after the HD thing in February.

Finally!

2009-01-22T20:48:00.002-06:00

I feel like I have said "I'm sorry" about the lack of posts quite frequently lately! Well here it is again! Sorry ya'll!

The past couple of weeks have just been crazy, not to mention that I haven't had a computer. Going to Mom's to get on the internet leaves me just enough time to check my e-mail and work through my list. It's amazing how much I rely on the internet for information.

For those of you who have not been informed, I am returning to work! The economy stinks and with that comes pay cuts and changes in reimbursement. Therefore, we have been left with no choice but for me to head back into the workforce. Honestly, we have been thinking about this for some time now but I was convinced there was no way I would be able to find anything that would pay for childcare and have anything left over. God literally dropped something in my lap. I am going to be working at a doctor's office across from Baylor Grapevine. I have heard wonderful things from the staff there and I think I will really enjoy it.

The issue at this point is finding affordable, GOOD care for the kiddos. I have a couple of home care options but I am afraid that Sam will be bored. I would really like this to be a positive experience for her. If she is going to have to be taken out of her home I would at least like a little brain stimulation for the girl. I think she would thrive in a preschool setting but it has been very difficult finding a preschool that a) also takes infants or b) has a spot for them both......not to mention the affordable part. I am praying that God has something perfect he will open the door to this week.

So.....what's been up with us??????

For starters, last week Sam and I were sick.....had this mess that has been going around. I had a severe ear infection. I don't think I have had an ear infection since I was a wee one. It was not fun.

I was premature in my excitement about the end to diapers. I actually attribute this to her sickness. I think, being sick, she wasn't sleeping well, which woke her frequently and alerted her to her need to tee tee. After getting well, she just didn't seem to wake when she needed to go and so we are back to diapers at bed time.

There is another HUGELY exciting, momentous occasion to replace the other. The pacis are GONE! Seriously..... 2 1/2, it's about time. I have been DREADING the day that we took those things away! We have been putting it off because we knew the battle that would ensue. I should have known that she would take care of it herself. A few days ago she took a nap at Mom's. When she went to get her pacis, she brought one of them to me and told me it was broken. It looked like she had been chewing on it or something so I told her to throw it in the trash. She went to bed with only one paci for her nap. That night I put her to bed with just the one and told her that it was the only one left, that the other ones were in the trash. About 30 minutes after putting her to bed she came into my room telling me that her paci was broken. She brought it to me in 2 pieces. She had bitten the tip of it off. Clearly, that is a serious choking hazard so there was no chance she was going back to bed with another one. I told her to throw that one away and that was the last one so she had no more. That was it! The end of the pacis! WOO HOO!

My little man is scootin' all over the place! I can't believe he is 7 months old!!!!!! He is funny though......he still won't sit himself up. He can sit up by himself but he can't get there himself. Actually, he probably COULD, but he doesn't. Silly guy!

I am beginning to work out an issue with him as well. Since he was born I have rocked him to sleep. That is not an ideal situation for childcare so I am trying to wean him off the rocking. He is doing pretty good so far but we have a long way to go yet.

OH, and he has this AWFUL squeal! Are boys supposed to squeal? He sounds awfully girly when he does. Mom calls him sissy boy when he does it.....it really is terrible. It's his attitude scream.....when he is really peeved.

Oh, and if you were wondering, NO, he still isn't sleeping through the night. He wakes up and takes a bottle in the middle of the night. UGH! Sam slept like 10 hours at 6 weeks so this is pretty annoying. He is wearing 12 and 18 month clothes so maybe it's just because he's a big boy......though Mom says it's just habit. I tried to let him just cry himself back to sleep the other night. After 45 minutes I decided I couldn't stand it anymore. Really????? 45 minutes????? Who is that stubborn?????

Josh left Sunday morning for his annual National Sales Meeting in Connecticut. He has been super busy all week and we are really missing him. Wednesday night was their big awards banquet and my J-Dub kicked booty! I don't know if I have told you how hard Josh has worked since going into sales but this kid deserved something good, ya'll. He is incredible at his job and apparently others are noticing! God has really blessed him in this position. I truly feel that he is able to use the gifts God has blessed him with in this position and that really has made a HUGE impact on his success. I will let him give you more info on his blog when he gets home and has a chance to write. I don't know all the details yet myself so I am anxiously awaiting his arrival! He should be returning tomorrow afternoon! Can't wait! I sure do love that guy!

Well, I hope I have caught you up......I know I have probably missed a ton but I will try to keep you more up to date now that I have a computer with internet access back at home! (I will also try to get some pics up soon)

One Proud Mama

2009-01-12T08:47:00.003-06:00

Seriously.....I don't deserve this goodness! Sam slept without a diaper last night!

The other day Mom and I were talking. I was telling her that I still couldn't buy the cheap diapers for Sam because they broke her out even though she only wore them to bed. So, she suggested I just tell Sam to go tee tee in the potty if she needed to go, rather than in her diaper. Of course I am thinking.....ya right!

Well, 2 days ago at nap time I told her that very thing and she said, "No Mommy, diaper on." I thought, OK, she's not ready, I'll just try again later, it was worth a try.

Yesterday morning she put herself down for a nap without me knowing. I went in there to check on her, saw her lying down and asked her if she wanted me to put a diaper on her. "No." (which usually means she doesn't really want to take a nap, she's just playing.) But she went to sleep and didn't tee tee in the bed!

Then, last night when we put her to bed we put a diaper on her but 5 minutes later she was screaming, "Tee tee potty" Daddy tried to tell her she had a diaper on but she wasn't having it. Daddy told her she could go, so she got up, took off her diaper and went on the potty. She went back to bed without a diaper on. I heard her get up once in the middle of the night and go! No wet bed this morning!

So, the conclusion is, she can do whatever she wants as long as it's her idea!

WOW! 28 months and NO MORE DIAPERS! God is good! (yes, I know Spencer won't be this easy!)

Donuts

2009-01-11T11:51:00.000-06:00

Last night we had breakfast for dinner! I have been itching to try this idea for some time now. See those donuts????? They are homemade, cheap, good and SIMPLE (does it get any better?)! You know those super cheap store brand biscuits in the skinny tubes that are usually packaged 4 together? Just open up a can of those, use something round to punch out the center (I used the top to an Ozarka bottle) and fry. I just put a skillet on the stove, poured in some oil, heated it up and laid those puppies in there to fry! I did one side at a time so that I didn't have to use a ton of oil. Once they brown up just yank 'em outta there and lay them on something to soak up the grease. After you've got them all fried up, roll them around in cinnamon and sugar! THAT'S IT! YUMMY to my tummy!

(you see that pile of stuff on the counter over there? EVERY year I find stray bits of Christmas across the house after putting it all away. That is where everything has landed so that I can put it in the garage with the other stuff. Anyone else have this problem????)

80's glasses!

2009-01-10T21:00:00.005-06:00

Not much to report from this week. I'm sure you all missed me.....I know I would have (he he)! We spent quite a bit of time at the park this week......just taking advantage of the pretty days and staying indoors on the those that aren't.

We missed Josh a ton this week......Sam had a difficult time adjusting!

I really wish I had something interesting to tell you but, I don't. Sam is funny.....what's new..... she just says some of the funniest things......I think it has a lot to do with the age!

Just had to share this picture.....thought it was pretty funny.....my little chiller!

So, I couldn't put up a post without SOMETHING worthy of checking out......I saved the best for last. (sorry for the cruddy quality.....I had to scan this one in) This is a picture of my roommate and I from New Years Eve '01(seriously.....was that REALLY 7 years ago????). The theme was 80's. I didn't want to go all out 80's but I felt like I had to have SOMETHING! My sister-in-law found these sunglasses that she wore when she was a teenager! Can you believe someone actually wore those for REAL! Karen, only you could pull that off! The picture makes me laugh every stinkin' time!

Gone

2009-01-04T21:32:00.005-06:00

Just thought I would let you all know that Josh is leaving with the computer very early in the morning. That means no posts until he gets home......probably Friday.

We had a fun weekend! Friday night we hung out with friends......we always enjoy that......even if it takes pulling teeth to make it happen : )

Saturday we took the kids on a train ride. I would like to say it was the Tarantula but my BIL got the times mixed up and we ended up on the Vintage Train in the Stockyards. This could have been enjoyable except that we chose a day when it was 80 degrees out and there was no A/C (hence the Vintage part)......there also were no open windows. Sam and Levi had a blast riding the choo choo. Poor Spence was miserable......he is SO hot natured......we had the poor kid stripped to his diaper and he was still sweating all over (it might have something to do with the rolls that cover him)! Thankfully it was only about an hour long so we scooted out of there at lightning speed!

Today we finally all got to go to church as a family! Tommy's sermon was wonderful!

I am excited to get back into a routine this week......I have let the washing go FAR too long now! I will be playing catch up all week on that.

Spencer is SOOOO much fun right now! He just cackles......it makes my heart melt! Sam is so funny with him......she will always try to make him laugh! Sam is just hilarious! I know I have said that before and I'm sure I will say it again but she is stinkin' funny! She can say whatever she wants now......she knows so much it just baffles me! A few of the latest funnies......

Sam: Daddy, come play in my room.

Daddy: No Sam, not right now.

Sam: (with finger pointed and shaking at him) Daddy, don't tell me no!

and

Sam: (pointing to the rings on my hand) Mommy, what this?

Mommy: Rings

Sam: (to Spencer, pointing to the rings) Spencer, this called rings.

Mommy: That's right Sam, good job.

Sam: No Mommy, I talk to Spence. Spencer, this called rings.

those probably aren't near as funny written but they were F-U-N-N-Y when they happened.

Also, a few things to pray about.......

My brother is leaving for bootcamp this week......he's got 3 kiddos......one only a few weeks old.

My SIL's brother got mugged on New Year's Eve and is in pretty bad shape (broken brow bone, both cheekbones, fractured neck, chipped teeth, etc).

We are trying to sell our truck.......Josh is renting now and it will free up some money for other bills.

There is a possible job opportunity for me......no details yet but it would be full time and the kids would have to go to daycare......this is a HUGE prayer request.

HUGE praise for some burdens lifted in some family relationships! PRAISE GOD......this was ONLY by his goodness!

Love ya'll!

Forgetting to enjoy!

2009-01-02T10:38:00.004-06:00

Have you ever anticipated anything so much so that you forget to enjoy what is going on now?

Having Josh home has been wonderful in numerous ways. Honestly, I was quite nervous at the thought of him being home for 2 1/2 weeks straight. I am all about routines and schedules so I was worried I would not be able to enjoy myself because of the sheer randomness of our days.

It has turned out to be a nice break from my rigidness. For close to 2 weeks now we have just waltzed through our days without thinking about them or preparing for them much! Some days we would be lazy all day, stay in our jammies, and enjoy family time. Other days we seemed to go, go, go. We have finished some projects that I have been wanting to finish for some time now so I am happy as well as surprised that anything productive can be done when there aren't schedules and plans.

Anyway, back to my original question....... I am so dreading Josh going back to work that it is all I have been able to think about for the last 24 hours! Isn't that just stupid! Regardless, this time with him home has been priceless and we feel blessed that his work allowed him the time off!

A good laugh

2008-12-29T21:56:00.006-06:00

As I was searching for some simple verses to teach Samara I ran across this site. I am not one to dismiss teaching before reading and testing it against the Word. I typically find that most conservative teachings line up with what I believe so I don't let denominational titles get in my way.

There seem to be some really great biblical teachings on this site as well as some shady stuff. From what I can tell these are KJV only fundamental Baptists and they believe in things like men keeping their hair short, women wearing skirts, etc. There were a few things that caught my eye but this one I just couldn't keep to myself......

The baby should sleep all night. Early the child should be made to conform to the sleep requirements of Mom and Dad. When a child cries at night he is either hungry, dirty, stuck with a pin or sick. In every case there should be some relief available. If none of the foregoing is true, I would suggest a spanking and let the baby cry himself to sleep. If crying persists, you may want to move the child to another room out of earshot. It is essential that Mom and Dad get their proper rest.

I'm pretty sure I could read that a hundred times and get a giggle every time. It is just funny. Seriously.....does your Bible say that? I mean, I have no problem giving Sam a good smack on the hiney when she needs it, but really? an infant? The whole paragraph just seems so cruel and self serving.....and funny.......goofy funny......

this one is pretty comical too.....

The baby's crying might better be stopped with a spanking than by picking him up. If there are not tears, you can safely assume that it is self-will asserting itself. Grandparents tend to spoil babies by picking them up often. This should be discouraged.

those durn grandparents, what are we going to do with them?

The Gifts

2008-12-28T15:41:00.002-06:00

Some of you are wondering what in the world I could have made for everyone.....so here goes it!

For the parentals I made birdseed wreaths......isn't watching birds something all old people like to do? Just kidding Mom& Dad!

My niece got a bow holder......empty, mind you. My plan was to make several bows and attach them but there wasn't time for all that.

My nephew got this cool crayon roll......the first pic is of it rolled up and ready to go and the second is in use.

My nephew also got this travel race track......little boys and their cars.

It has a small track......

A large track.......

And a place to store the cars.

He also got this "I SPY" bag. It has a bunch of little trinkets inside for them to find.....the list of everything in the bag is attached to the side.

I also made an "I SPY" bag for my niece and nephew on my side of the family for Mom to put in their stockings and made one to give at our Bible Study class party.

I painted two plates that have a verse and the kids names. These were for Josh's brother and SIL and the other for our Preschool minister and Sam's SS teacher (conveniently they happen to be married). I don't have a picture of these.....I will try to get one and post it.....I lost it in the crash.

In the midst of all this I was trying to work on our Advent garland......I also lost these pictures in the crash......and started making Jesse Tree ornaments but gave up until after the holidays.

I also made Sam a Christmas skirt......which she ended up wearing in our Christmas card pictures even though I thought it was super cheesy!

I still have so many other things I want to make but I am giving it a break while Josh is home. Aren't I sweet?

Yucko!

2008-12-28T15:21:00.002-06:00

That's what Sam says when something is gross and that's exactly what her eyes are right now.

She woke up this morning with one eye matted shut and the other almost as bad. Really freaked Josh out. I cleaned all that goop out (though not without a fight) but it continues to come back. She looks so pitiful, eyes all red and puffy. Poor girl!

For whatever reason it seems that the sickness is worse than normal in our house this year. Just pray that she heals quickly and that she doesn't pass it on to Bub. We missed church AGAIN today! Can't wait to have everyone well for longer than a week!

Christmas

2008-12-27T21:28:00.007-06:00

To start Christmas off we went to my parents. We actually had everyone there! That means Mom & Dad, my grandparents, all four kids and their spouses and all 9 grandkids! It gets a little crazy! Sam always enjoys herself with all the kids! This was really the first Christmas that she got excited about the presents!

Here you see her ripping into her new kitchen. She was so excited to play with it after we got it together the next day that she didn't want to take a nap!

Oh my goodness......I laughed my bohiney off over this. Apparently you can "elf yourself" and Mom "elfed" her, Dad, my Granny & Papaw, and my brother Matt. It was hilarious!

As you can see, my grandparents really got a kick out of it! I think my grandma was a tad embarrassed! (I'll see if I can post it????)

My Mom made my niece Parker a nightgown and matching nightgowns for her dolls! I remember having a matching outfit with my Cabbage Patch!!!! She also made the doll on the right....sooo cute! (Isn't my Mom hot!)

Here is the picture of all 9 grandkids with Nini & Papa.....boy was that interesting.....turned out decent, all things considered!

Here you can see Sam whipping us up some eggs in her new kitchen after we got the 8 billion pieces put together!

Christmas Eve we went over to the in-laws. We had a little visit from Santa while there! Before my Grandpa had the strokes, he was Santa at NorthEast Mall and some city functions for years.......Mom & Dad decided to put the suit to good use this year. Dad put on the suit and made the rounds! It was ton of fun!

I'm glad I didn't take the kids to see Santa this year......this was as close as Sam was getting to that jolly old man and that was only because he was handing out gifts!

Of course Little Man sat up there.

Christmas morning was ours. We just let Sam open her stocking and the couple of gifts we got for her. It was fun to let her enjoy each present as she opened it rather than rushing through them just for the sake of getting them open!

This was right after she woke up! (I'm a sucker for yawns......they are just so stinkin' cute to me!)

Just after waking up he is still all smiles!

Josh playing Sam's new harmonica.....trying to teach her!

And Sam trying it out.......she never could blow hard enough for it to make noise......she certainly tried though.

How sweet......Sam feeding her brother her fake food!

Christmas afternoon we picked up Josh's grandmother and went out to Joey's. Levi got a little electric 4 wheeler that you see Sam driving here. There is a video on Josh's blog if you are interested. Personally it is waaaayyyy too long for me but Josh thinks it is soooo cool! It is a guy, Daddy thing I guess! I have to admit it was pretty cute watching them drive around and play together though. (Levi already had the little race car he is driving)

Josh has a new extension to his arm.....you can see it here!

Sam was funny. After several times of me gasping and saying,"Oh boy" after she opened her gift, she caught on. She would do it every time she opened anything.....whether she knew what it was or not! It was quite humorous.

Spencer's spoils consisted of a new car seat, clothes, and a few toys! He seriously has everything already. The outfit Josh is holding up is his favorite!

It is pretty funny as a parent what little things make you happy. Sam got this AquaDoodle for Christmas and someone asked her to draw a circle. That is her circle you see on the bottom right corner of the mat.......isn't that awesome? I don't know if that is even good for her age but I was impressed! She has also been working on a triangle.....it isn't near as good as that circle but I'm sure it won't be long the way she is.

And there you have it my friends......697 pictures condensed for your viewing pleasure! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Stuff

2008-12-27T16:03:00.005-06:00

I am a little frustrated right now because I had written a really long post and lost it all. I will try to get it all out again!

My computer has gone to be with Jesus! It is pretty sad. I am bummed because I lost all my pictures since Spence was born! I tried to back them up a few times unsuccessfully and now they are gone......tears.

We had a wonderful Christmas holiday celebrating our saviors birth and hanging out with family! Josh is just happy to have me back after some serious crafting. I made all of the gifts we gave this year so I have been super busy getting it all done......so busy in fact that Josh was ready to throw my crafts out the window. I am pleased that I was able to make everything this year (oh, except for the itunes gift card we got for my niece....and that was only because I messed up the case I was making her, we had to get something last minute) and I will try to post the stuff I made at some point.

I will try to catch up a bit from missing for so long but I really don't remember anything past this morning so I am just going by the pictures that I have!

I just adore this picture so I had to add it.......I wish there wasn't the shadow on the right side...oh well.

Here she got hold of a marker and went to town all over her hands, arms and face! Mom says it isn't payback until she colors all over the walls!

This is our Christmas tree. I am debating about when to take it down. I love it so. It isn't really all that pretty but I just like it sitting there glowing away......it makes me happy! (do you like our 90's excersaucer? it works just fine but it makes me laugh when I think about the colors and the pattern of the seat! I am just grateful that it was given to us.)

I painted this about 3 years ago and I absolutely LOVE it. (Can I say that?) I can't wait to get it out each year.....I feel like it really adds something special......it's like a shout out to Jesus!

Is this not the cutest picture? His new thing is to stick his fingers in his mouth and chew on them.

I LOVE this picture!

Here is my little goofus.....she was actually hammin' it up for the camera for once! (too bad she didn't have that leg down when I snapped the shot)

This is just a glimpse into the hilarity of our picture session! I knew it was going to be a joke but it HAD to be done. Here she is jumping like a frog in between Spencer's legs!

Oh yes, this is one of Sam's favorite things to do. I give her a little water in a cup and she goes to town painting our door, which is covered in chalkboard paint.

I will try to get pics of Christmas posted soon!

Dumb & Thankful

2008-12-27T15:13:00.003-06:00

Well, I finally have my microwave back! For those of you who don't know, I have been without a microwave for over a month now. It has been interesting to say the least but doable.......gives you a little more respect for the people back in the day.

The reason I have been without is because one day the breaker blew and we couldn't figure out how to get it to work again......Josh tried another breaker & a larger breaker and neither worked. I had my Dad check into getting an electrician out here (my Dad has connections). Must have been the Lord that he wasn't able to get anyone out here!

While out to dinner with one of Josh's customers he just happened to ask if he knew anything about electricity......and he did! So we explained the problem and what we had done to try to remedy the problem and he says, "You haven't seen anything spark or anything like that?" Ummmm, yes, as a matter of fact I have.

I should have STUPID stamped across my forehead for this one.

When I went to get something out of the cabinet over the microwave I accidentally bumped the wires and noticed it spark. I really didn't think too much about it since it had happened before. (NICE!) I realize now that the next time I tried to use the microwave, the lights in the laundry room popped and then realized the breaker had been blown. I tried to turn it back on but figured out that I couldn't just flip it back on. Honestly, I didn't think this was that big of a deal because the spark had happened before and I mentioned it to Josh with no reaction. If you know Josh, he doesn't hear everything he acts like he hears. He dismissed it at the time and I did not realize it was because he wasn't actually listening!

No matter, when we got home Josh connected the wires again and put wire nuts on and everything works like a charm. Seriously.....if you like me you should be thanking God that I am still alive! I can't help it that I am a do-do and I guess He cuts me some slack because He knows it too!

I can see my Dad right now, head down shaking, saying, "Oh Reagan." This isn't the first time I have accidentally done something dangerous! Oh well! We are okay and all is well!

Check it out!

2008-12-22T07:35:00.003-06:00

So, I guess Josh couldn't stand for me to be cooler than him so he started a blog.

Gotta say.......there are only 3 posts so far but there is some darn good stuff on there!

Go check it out if you have a chance....... www.pursuitofthesword.blogspot.com

(it won't always be ugly......i am working on an outfit for him.....which is proving to be much more difficult than designing something for a girl)

OH DEAR!

2008-12-19T10:34:00.002-06:00

It isn't for a lack of trying, people. EVERY stinkin' time I try to do ANYTHING with my pics my computer crashes! Seriously annoying! If it's not one thing, it's another! The frustration is mounting! This computer is quickly becoming a nice piece of trash! IF and when I can ever get some pics loaded I will write a ridiculously long post about what's been going on in my world lately! Hope you are all as excited as I about spending time with the fam this next week and celebrating the greatest birthday EVER!

Did You Know?

2008-12-11T09:32:00.008-06:00

My FAVORITE TV show ever is in Keller, TX......just 15 minutes away! Extreme Home Makeover is here this week building a house for the Augustin Family. They seem like a very neat family. I can't wait to see the episode.......there is just something extra cool about having it happen in your backyard! I have always thought this show is the best representation of Christ in the secular world and it warms my heart EVERY time!

And I just had to mention this because I think it is so cool. You can see from this destruction photo that someone wrote a prayer or a verse or something on the Sheetrock. I have heard of this......as they are building your home, go in and write scripture on the Sheetrock so that your house will be bathed in the Word.....I have always thought that was the coolest idea! Anyway......just thought it was cool so I had to share!

UPDATE: So....I get my researchyness (yes, I know it's not a word) from my Dad and he actually thought to Google what he could read. Turns out they are lyrics to a song "Still". They must have written them recently because their house was destroyed by flood waters. How cool! Makes me wonder if I would see this tragedy as they did!

STILL

Hide me now, under Your wings.
Cover me within Your mighty hand.

Chorus:
When the oceans rise
and thunders roar.
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

Find rest my soul in Christ alone,
Know his power, in quiteness and trust.

Biblically Based Parenting

2008-12-10T12:32:00.005-06:00

I have pretty much quit reading parenting books across the board. Many times they are filled with the same stuff and are rarely based solely on scripture. This one is different.

I'm on my 4th or 5th read of this book so I figured it was probably something someone else might be interested in as well..... I happened upon it while working at Mardel.

Sometimes I get so confused as to how to put all of the Bible into my parenting. This book has been a GREAT help. She uses Psalm 127:1 as a framework for her book.....starting it out with the building the foundation and ending with installing locks and an alarm system. She does this in 2-3 page chapters, each beginning with 3+ verses that she is walking you through. She usually gives a life example, What Parents Can Do section, and a prayer for you and your children. Each chapter is quick and informative......you could choose to read it through or hit by topic as you need it.

WARNING: This is not for the lukewarm Christian. The suggestions she makes many times make me think......WOW......I am going to have to work on that before I can teach my children to be that way! She is radical, straight from scripture!

As with any book, there are times when I don't completely agree with her but overall this book has been a FANTASTIC resource.

Night Night Juice

2008-12-09T07:15:00.003-06:00

Just thought you should know that my daughter is currently rocking her juice cup to sleep and singing it "Rock-a-bye-baby". Ummm, ya......can you say STRANGE! I love that girl.......her imagination is beginning to run wild and I LOVE it!

OH..... and this girl is good for a Momma's self-esteem....... yesterday we were just hanging out and she blurts out, "Mommy so pretty!" Seriously.......how great is that!

Whew! It's a busy time of year!

2008-12-08T03:48:00.002-06:00

So, things have been crazy lately.......I apologize for my absence. The fam continued to get sick, I decorated for Christmas, the computer has been giving me trouble, I have like 8 billion things to make before Christmas, Josh has been home more (which leaves me with less time rather than more), I helped Mom with decorations for her tree, we have had(and will continue to have) a ton of events to attend. All of that said, I am certain my time will be limited for the blog. I will try to get some pics up soon but don't be expecting quantity again until after Christmas.

I have had several inquiries about the continuation of my story......I will continue, I promise, I just haven't had the time and energy.

Thanks to everyone for sticking with me! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Very Possibly the Most Terrifying Moment of My Life!

2008-11-28T06:30:00.002-06:00

Whew.....yesterday was rough. It was wonderful day with family but we noticed Samara seemed like she wasn't feeling well once we got to Mom's and she started playing (though she seemed fine in the morning). I thought.....surely not.....she's only been off her antibiotics (for an ear infection) for a couple of days.....she couldn't possibly be sick again. Silly assumption. When she started "acting" sick.....you know....the whine about everything, every little thing is a huge deal stuff, and I said something about it, Mom mentioned that she looked like she didn't feel good to her.

On the way out the door to head to Joey's for the Martin Thanksgiving I felt Samara and she was BURNING up. UGH! We got to Joey's and immediately took her temperature....101.7. (Sorry Karen.....I had NO idea) She wouldn't even get down to play with Levi. She just wanted one of us to hold her and moaned and groaned. Poor baby. We gave her some Motrin and she perked up. The Motrin was still working when we got home so we will see what she feels like when she gets up this morning.

And on to the story......

So, last night we got home about 9:00 which was WAY past Sam's bedtime and time for Spencer to eat. Josh got Samara all ready and I got Spencer's bottle ready. Josh tried to put Sam to sleep but she wanted to rock (that's her thing when she's tired) so Josh took her into the living room to rock her for a bit. After getting Spencer's bottle ready I headed back to our bedroom. I typically feed him on our bed. I sat him on the bed and put the bottle down beside him. He wasn't screaming for it yet so I thought, "I'm going to change clothes and take out my contacts (which were killing me)." I made sure he was up there good, pulled the pillow around to kind of guard him and headed to the bathroom to change.

As I was putting my night shirt on I heard this awful crack sound. I knew . I RAN.....I mean bolted around the corner to find Spencer on the floor next to my bed. I screamed bloody murder, I mean a blood curdling scream.....no tears, I just kept screaming as I scooped him up and started crying out to God. I ran toward the living room.....frantic and screaming. Of course, Josh met me halfway, bolting around the corner into the hallway....."what, what, what?"

"HE FELL OFF THE BED!"

I honestly hadn't even stopped long enough to assess the damage. I knew he wasn't bleeding but I didn't know anything else. Meeting up with Josh allowed me to slow down and take a look. I was so afraid of what I would find. He seemed fine and I was able to calm him down. I just sat there and rocked him and cried. I felt like we should take him to the emergency clinic or SOMETHING but Josh just kept saying, "he's fine Reagan, he's fine."

You need to understand that we have stained CONCRETE floors. When I heard the crack I just knew things were going to be bad. Once I had him calmed down and was able to go back to get his bottle I realized that it was the bottle that had made the spine tingling crack, not his head. After the heat of the moment and I went through the situation in my head again, I'm not sure he was even crying when I found him on the floor. I have this book pocket that slips in between my mattress and box spring. Yesterday morning I noticed it had fallen out and onto the floor. We were in a hurry to leave so I didn't bother putting it back. When I snatched Spencer up, he was lying on that.....a cushion, if you will. After replaying the situation, all I can do is praise God for his protection. That 12" spot was the ONLY area that had anything for him to fall on besides the hard floor.

I think I scared him more by my screaming than the actual fall. I freaked Josh and Samara out beyond belief as well. She kept crying and saying, "Mommy hurt, Bubba hurt," over and over. Needless to say that it took some work on Josh's part to get her calmed down and into bed.

I just cried.....and cried.....and cried. I was so ashamed at myself.......how stupid! All I can figure is that he was trying to get that bottle and it was rolling, so he was chasing it.....right off the bed.

While I realize he is fine, that was so incredibly terrifying! I freaked people. It scares me. It makes me nervous that I can't seem to do anything when my child is hurt. My Mom has told me before, "You've got to get it together Reagan. You have to be able to take care of your kids if they get hurt; you can't just freeze up." And look what I did!

It was a bad night.

GIVING THANKS!

2008-11-25T12:34:00.004-06:00

Is there really anything I CAN'T give thanks for? Even if I wasn't called to give thanks in all situations, I still would be able to give thanks for ALL things in my life.

I do think that some things in life are both a blessing and a curse.....things that are enjoyable but pull me away from the thing that matters most....my God.

I AM BLESSED.

I feel like writing out SOME things I am thankful for......no matter how long I make this list it will still be condensed.....

1. FIRST and FOREMOST I am thankful that God chased me down.....that even though I never went looking for Him, he put all the right things in my life at the right time and the Holy Spirit changed me......that He deemed me worthy of sending his Son to die on the cross for my sins.
2. I am thankful for the most AMAZING family. While I know that you may have the most amazing family for YOU, I have the most AMAZING family for ME. He has given me just what I need.
3. I am thankful for a husband that loves me.
4. I am thankful for healthy children.
5. I am thankful that Josh has a job and that I can stay home with the kiddos.
5. I am thankful for the house He has given us.
6. I am thankful that every single day of my life I have had food to eat and even more that I have always had food for my children to eat.
7. I am thankful that we have a wonderful church home and a great group of people to fellowship with.
8. I am thankful that I have clothes to wear that are appropriate for every season and that I can clothe my children.
9. I am thankful that we have 2 vehicles (and I would still be thankful if we had only 1)
10. I am thankful that I have a computer and the ability to get on the Internet.
11. I am thankful that I have a sewing machine.
12. I am thankful that my parents are still married and their parents are still married. (my Dad's parents are both deceased but they were still married when they died)(how many people can say that?)(it is a legacy that I am committed to uphold as well)
13. I am thankful that I live in a country where I am free.
14. I am thankful that I have a Bible (actually an abundance of Bibles)
15. I am thankful for beautiful weather.
16. I am thankful for butterflies (they remind me of my spiritual self every time I see one)
17. I am thankful for clean, warm, running water in my home.
18. I am thankful for electricity.
19. I am thankful for washing machines and dishwashers.
20. I am thankful that Sam has every toy under the sun that she could ever dream of wanting to play with (ok, so I'm not so thankful for the ridiculous number but I am at least thankful that she has toys)

OK.....like I said.....the list could go on......I will spare you as I'm sure you stopped at #2......and I am sure I will post this and then think....."how could I not put that one"........but you can certainly tell that I am BLESSED!

*UPDATE* OK, I somehow managed to forget a VERY important one.
~I am thankful to have a to have a camera.

Silly kid

2008-11-24T18:19:00.003-06:00

Well, the babe has been born. Carson Mullins was born on Friday November 21. The 9th addition for the grandparents(my parents)! WOW!

We got to spend the day Saturday just hanging out. Sunday we went to church......we actually went to the 8am service so J could watch Da Boys. After naps we went to Uncle Joey & Aunt Mimi's. I hadn't seen Miss Lexi Kay since the day she came home from the hospital so I was excited to finally see her again!

Thank you all for your prayers for Sam. Today she said, "my tummy hurts," for the first time in over a week. It has been a LONG time since she has gone that long without saying something like that. We are still not sure what all that is about but she seems to be feeling better.

My Sami is so cute! Her new thing is telling me who is a boy and who is girl. She will go through the list, "Daddy's a boy. Mommy's a guwrul. Nini's a guwrul. Papa's a boy".......on and on the list goes. She also impressed us today when we drove by Whataburger and she shouted, "triangle." Once again, I haven't gotten around to teaching her shapes yet. She has most of her colors down so I guess she decided to shift her focus to shapes. I am always one step behind her.

Whew....we are hitting those 2's. She wants things HER way or NO way. She is extremely territorial. If something is Josh's and I am using it, she loses it......has a fit. She is constantly taking things to their owners.....drinks, shoes, pens, you name it. It's almost an obsession.

She is getting into the hyper thing. We have never really experienced this with her until just recently but oh my.....tonight she was RIDICULOUS. I am dreading those sleepovers already!

I know I haven't posted much about Spencer but it's because he doesn't do alot. He still sleeps a ton. He is still the sweetest, smiliest, good natured baby! He LOVES his big sister.....she can always make him smile......it is so cute! (there is just something about sibling love that just warms a Momma's heart)

Can't wait for Turkey Day......If I don't post before Thursday.......HAPPY THANKSGIVING.....I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Kid Stuff

2008-11-20T09:52:00.004-06:00

Just had to show you this pic of Sam! She had a little run in with the fence while at Mom's the other night. She "needed" a band aid but Mom was afraid to put it on the actual bump so she put it to the side of it.....you can see the actual scratch on the far left side of her head (looks kinda like a shadow from her hair). Anyway.....just thought this was too cute! She is putting her hand over her mouth (her new thing) in awe!

Here is my not-so-little Little Man. The kid is getting big. He is wearing 12 month clothes already! He will be 5 months this Sunday......it goes by sooo fast!
Oh and here is what I walked into this morning. Sam climbed up the side of the crib, slung her leg over and hung out in there with Bub! NICE!

She is growing up WAY too fast. Daily I am amazed at the things she can do. She is now spelling her full name (and it's stinkin' cute)! She is no longer sitting on her little potty and doesn't even need a stool for the big potty......just scootches her way onto the seat! I swear she isn't even going to need me in a year! I ALWAYS underestimate what she can learn. There have been SO many times that I have told myself, "don't bother with that yet, she won't be able to do that" but time and again she has proven me wrong! I love that girl but she is Miss Independent and I am SCARED! Oh how my parents will take great joy in knowing that I will most certainly be getting back what I gave to them!

Here is her Twinkle Twinkle.....

What I didn't tell you!

2008-11-19T13:32:00.002-06:00

There was more to Saturday than just bargain hunting!

We also had an appointment for Samara to get the ultrasound......to which she is still saying, "rubbin' on my tummy. look inside. lotion on my tummy." over and over and over. You never know anything at the actual ultrasound because those guys aren't really supposed to say anything but I think all was fine.

ALSO, you better watch out because I am now schooled in self-defense. Mom and I took a self-defense class at the martial arts studio my brother works at part-time. It was actually kinda fun- minus the seriousness of the actual situation we were preparing for. I came home and tested out some of my moves on the big J man! I think he was somewhat impressed!

Anyhow.....Sam seems to be feeling better! Thank goodness! Thank you for all of your prayers!

Flea Market Finds

2008-11-17T11:14:00.007-06:00

OOOHHHH.....maybe my ALL TIME favorite past time. Thrift shopping. Pretty much EVERYONE thinks I am nuts.....buying JUNK! I am totally one of those trash to treasure people. I LOVE seeing something that once looked like trash transform into something beautiful! I suppose it's why I am also a sucker for makeover shows!

Saturday morning the city of NRH put on a flea market and I had FUN! Josh watched the kids (thanks sweet love) while I perused the grounds! I only spent about $20 but I got some cool stuff....not to mention a few things I had been looking for and would have paid full price for!

I took some pics of a few of the things. Just keep in mind that many of these things will be "repurposed"!

I actually haven't decided if I will be painting this horse or not. It was too cute not to pass up. I am putting shelves up in Sam's room and I will decide once I get those up and it on there.

I have been collecting these milk glass bud vases for some time now. I already had these shelves up in my kitchen but I found a few more vases to add to my collection! (yes, my house is old and YES, I know the soffits date my kitchen!)
Oh....and silly as it may be, these are probably my FAVORITE finds. FUN vintage books! The sewing book is absolutely scrumptious!
I mean, check out these pages! The copyright is from 1972 so it is a blast to look at! (check out those flounce pants on the far right side)
I bought this little planter to paint and use as a toothbrush holder! The shelves will be painted and go in Sam's room!
I got a ton of cool frames to paint and this really cool bronze plate thing (it's big). I can't decide if I am going to hang it on the wall or put it on the kitchen table as part of a centerpiece!
Oh.....and I have a soft spot for vintage sheets! I am absolutely in LOVE with the one on the far right!
And finally, I found this neato chair! It needs some TLC but has GREAT bones! (and Sam took right to it) It is really different......short and fat......I thought it appropriate for me :) JK....kind of.

I also got a pillow for my bed, some fabric, a plant stand and some other odds and ends!

I was giddy when I got home......even though I knew I would have to face eyes rolling and sighs! That is what I call QUALITY alone time!

Quick Update on Sam

2008-11-14T20:49:00.003-06:00

So, we got the test results back from the blood work. Everything looked good. PRAISE GOD!

Now, we are waiting on the ultrasound and a stool sample and will go from there. We have the ultrasound tomorrow at noon so you can be thinking about us then as I'm sure it will freak her out (but thankfully won't actually hurt this time). The ultrasound is simply to make sure their are no structural abnormalities.

If they don't find anything with any of this stuff he will try to manage Irritable Bowl Syndrome and see if that resolves some of the problems.

On another note, I have a wonderful husband! As I said before, this week has been rough. He knew I wasn't kidding when every time I talked to him she was screaming. He showed up yesterday......moved some of his appointments so he could come home and rescue me! Love you Babe!

Unfortunately for him, having Daddy home didn't help her fussiness. Josh finally took her to the doctor today because of all this (and she has had a runny nose and has been complaining that her ear hurt). He came home with an antibiotic and a cold medicine so please pray that these will help her feel better and help with the attitude.

OH, and I just thought I would share a breakthrough! I found a discipline tool that has finally worked! Let me just tell you that we have been through them all. She typically just laughs at our discipline attempts. Spanking worked for a bit but has now become a joke like the other options. Finally I had a vision of being put in the corner! DUH! Why didn't I think of that before? The naughty corner! She HATES it! WOOHOO! Finally! Please pray that this continues to be an effective tool for us. (she also hates to go to her room when Spencer and I are playing somewhere else but I can't take her room with us everywhere and there is a corner just about anywhere you can think of!)

Stuff

2008-11-12T12:14:00.009-06:00

Well, still no baby.....just thought you might be wondering.

Whew....this week has been a beating! All I can figure out is that Sam feels so crummy. She is still complaining that her tummy hurts 3-4 times daily. She has been SO incredibly fussy.....wanting me to hold her and take her to the bathroom......stuff that just isn't like her. On top of that, she has had an especially hard week without Daddy. She is typically all about Daddy when he is here but once he leaves she doesn't really ask about him much. Last night alone she woke up two times yelling for "Daddy."

OH and speaking of last night......I got to be up from 2am until 5am....it was simply fantastic. I don't know what was going on....(except that she doesn't feel good) but she just screamed for like 30 minutes! Once I got her down, Spencer woke up and had no intention of going back to sleep! AAAHHHHHH! Praying tonight will be better!

Aren't they precious!

Sam has her very own live dress up doll!

Poor Maddie! She's such a good sport!

Yesterday I spent some time making squash for Little Man. I am so amazed at how easy it is, how much money we save AND that it is better for him! It really is easy. When I was making food for Sam, I found these little 4oz containers at the dollar store. There were like 10 for a $1 and they have been PERFECT! It is even easier this time around because Josh's grandma gave us a Bullet for Christmas last year! I only put 2 oz in them this time because he won't eat that much at first and then I froze them. I made 20 of these and the squash cost me $4.40. That means I paid $.22 a jar.....not a bad deal! (and NO trip to the store! WOOHOO) They run approximately $.99 a jar at the store.

From this.....

To this......

To this!

Do you see all that blonde hair? It's a little hard to see in this pic but his hair is growing back blonde!

Oh ya....isn't it annoying when you have something in your teeth in public and NO ONE tells you? WELL, it is equally annoying when you make a stupid mistake like putting IX when you should have put IV and no one tells you. If you noticed and said nothing....shame on you!

You know they are getting big when......

2008-11-10T21:29:00.004-06:00

It is a first.....and I don't like it. This means she is getting older!

Sam is currently lying in my bed "scared" from the storm. Sometimes I wish she didn't know words like "scare". I put her to bed when minutes later I hear little footsteps and this sweet little voice saying, "Mommy, scare me." It was precious. I put her back to bed and tried to explain to her that there was nothing to be scared about.....that God gave us rain and lightning and thunder. She was so sweet and let me leave. But, it wasn't but a minute later that I hear, "lightning scare me." OK, why do I tell her words like that....umph?

She is finally nodding off after several threats of sending her back to her bedroom.

My Sami is growing up.......things like storms scare her now.....they once were a sweet blessing of extra sleep.

On a different note.....my brother and SIL are currently in the hospital possibly having their baby. She is in labor though maybe only very early labor so we are still waiting to see if they will keep her! I can't wait to meet my new nephew, Carson (I'm not going to tell you his middle name) Mullins.

Not much to post on the personal front. This weekend was pretty lame as far as posts go.....lots of laziness, which means we enjoyed spending time with one another.

Oh, you can still be praying for Sam.....she is still complaining of her stomach hurting. We have taken her back for her blood draw and are awaiting those results. I had to reschedule the ultrasound so we don't have any info from that yet. I will let you know if we find anything out. I feel bad for my poor girl.

I am getting excited about the holiday season. I think I have prepared enough in advance that the busyness of the season won't spoil the true celebration. Can't wait to enjoy some time with the fam! (we will be missing one crew though and I am truly sad!)

What are we ignoring?

2008-11-08T11:55:00.003-06:00

I have, for some time, had something in my head that I just haven't been able to get out into words and make sense of. I ran across this post and think it expresses those ideas floating wildly in my head quite wonderfully. This is one of the most profound, thought provoking and telling posts I have read in a long time. I recommend you take a minute and read it.

Disclaimer: As I have poked around through the rest of her site, I am not in agreement with all that she writes. Regardless, this post spoke volumes and I felt it was worthy of passing on.

So incredibly FANTASTIC!

2008-11-07T12:42:00.002-06:00

OK, so that may be a bit of a dramatic title for this post but REALLY......you are going to be AMAZED!

How annoying is it when you go to a birthday party or get together to open presents at Christmas and the kids can't even play with the toys for over an hour because that's how long it takes to open the stinkin' packages! It is sooo frustrating! Clam shells, wire ties, zip ties galore!

Something wonderful has happened to combat this.....wait for it, wait for it......

Frustration-Free Packaging

Can I get an AMEN! Amazon has started offering some of their products in a box.....that's it.....just a box! WoW! How cool is that! Unfortunately the list is quite small right now but they say they are expanding it to include many more items! This alone would get me to buy from Amazon! (I really don't need another reason though......Amazon is wonderful......especially with their free shipping and fantastic prices!)

Just thought you might want to know : )

BUG, BUG, BUG

2008-11-06T21:54:00.007-06:00

Today has certainly been interesting.....I will get to that later.

I wanted to apologize to those of you who are faithful readers. I needed a blog break. I was burnt out and just needed a breather! I know I don't write all that often but sometimes I just feel obligated and so uninteresting and it just stresses me out! That said, I am back.

I have been meaning to post about Saturday night since then but, like I said, I needed a break. This past Saturday was the Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. We were walking in honor of a 4 year old little girl, Jordan Flint, who is battling Leukemia. Unfortunately she was in the hospital and wasn't able to come. She has been having a really hard time this past week and I would love it if you would just lift up a little prayer for her. She is really enduring soooo much and it breaks my heart.

(there's me and Sam in the middle. to the right is my Mom. on the far left are Jordan's parents)

The walk was absolutely amazing. Team Jordan had 125 walkers! WoW! That is incredible. We were THE biggest team there. Team Jordan raised $45,058! Can you believe that.......ONE team!

Our family was a little nutso. We brought both of our kiddos and Mom & Dad brought 4 other grand kids with us. Needless to say it got a little crazy at times! 6 kids, 4 adults.....you do the math!

I have still been doing a little crafting.....just on a roll I guess.....I get like that.....I get in moods and run with it for a bit. I have some things I still need to take pictures of but here is one of the latest creations. Have you ever heard of BabyLegs? They are basically just leg warmers but they are so cute. You can put them on a baby to make diaper changes much easier than pants. You can put them in BabyLegs to keep their little knees protected while crawling. You can also use them for bigger kiddos (like Sam) as tights! There are numerous ways to use them but I think one of my favorites......on my arms. you can where a T and then pull these up under them and it looks like you have on a long sleeve shirt under the T! SO COOL! (and easy to remove if you get HOT!) ANYWAY, I made some! Aren't they cute. There are so many cute knee high socks available right now so I am taking advantage! (that's all you need....a pair of knee high socks and a sewing machine!)

Yesterday I got the crud.....whatever is going around....and it was no cold.....the other stuff! YUCK! Thankfully all is better today! Sam got lots of TV time yesterday! What do ya do with a 2 year old when you're in bed all day?

As for today......UGH! First off, I was giving the kids a bath.....actually, Sam was in the bath and I was about to put Spencer in when something spooked the dog. She ran right over Spence.....I mean paw on the chest and all! Little Man has a perfect paw mark left from her claws right in the middle of his chest! Of course I freaked.....broken ribs?.....punctured lung?.....you name it.....whatever horrible stuff I could think of! This is a HUGE dog pouncing on a 17 lb baby ya know! Drama aside, I think everything is fine. I kept pushing on his chest all day to make sure he wouldn't scream.....I'm sure he really appreciated that.

Preface: Sam got a massive, nasty blister on her ankle on Halloween night.

After getting Sam out of the tub I started drying her off when all of a sudden, she flipped out! Stink! I accidentally scraped the scab off from her blister. It started bleeding again and apparently from her reaction was quite painful! It was seriously an ordeal all day. This girl doesn't let you forget about stuff like that.

Later, she was playing outside when I heard a scream.....not one of those....I'm fine, I'm just whining screams but the scream that makes you run! When I got to her, I found her pants hung at the crotch on the horseshoe stake in our backyard. She was on her hands and feet with her behind in the air. I actually started laughing because the sight was quite amusing!

I got her unhooked.....not in any hurry until she started going crazy.......screaming, " BUG, BUG, BUG". I couldn't figure out what she meant. I was looking all around and I didn't see anything. She kept grabbing her feet and saying, "BUG, BUG, BUG." Finally I looked back over at the area where her hands and feet had been and it was swarming with fire ants. I flipped up her pants and there were ants crawling on her feet. I stripped her down and made sure they were all gone but they had already bit all over her hands and feet. POOR GIRL! I got her inside and they just started swelling up so big. I made a baking soda and water paste and covered each bite. It seemed to kill the swelling, the itch and the sting! WOOHOO!

After we got inside, I was filling up her sippy when she started going nuts again.....screaming, "BUG, BUG, BUG" again! I kept reassuring her that I got all the bugs off her and that everything was fine. Once she backed up I was able to see a bee lying on the kitchen floor, not yet dead but heading that way! SERIOUSLY! This poor girl has had a rough day!

And I leave you with this..................

Fall Blog Makeover

2008-11-02T20:31:00.005-06:00

Just thought you might want to check out my latest blog makeover. I did this for a friend who wanted something new and fun! There are a few kinks but Jenna wanted it up so bad that she didn't want me to take the time to work them out! What do ya think?